to want to go to sleep so DH and I can have sex?

[BigMommaOf4]

She is 13 and although she is constantly nagged to go to bed from 9pm onwards, is up and down the stairs all night and still awake up to midnight some nights. The other DCs are all asleep long before we go up so are not a problem.

Her bedroom is right next to ours so obviously we can't do the deed until we are sure she's in a deep sleep. Have only been able to do it twice since DS3 was born almost 12 weeks ago. Am getting frustrated!!

Can't do it early in the morning as DS3 is up during the night and we are knackered by then.

Any ideas, short of knocking her out ??

I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks that having had sex twice already in 12 weeks since DC3 is actually pretty good going. When the midwife tried to discuss contraception with me quite a few weeks after the birth of both my DDs I thought "are you mad??" Don't think DH was bothered either. We were both knackered and still are tbh. !! I admire the OP's energy.

Mumcenter,good reaction, I would have stared blankly and made lots of errrr sounds.

Just do it. She'll be so mortified she'll ensure she's asleep next time. As soon as she sees you fluttering your eyelashes at each other she'll be swigging the night nurse and donning the earmuffs...

seriously Heracles, would you have loud enough sex to intimidate your daughter into sleep? It's one thing to accidentally hear your parents having sex, but to make into a lesson sounds a bit ott...

I'm not being pedantic, my question is one of curiosity rather than disapproval; Personally I think that the parents sex life really shouldn't involve the children, it can be a really confusing thing to take in.

then again, Heracles, you are a demigod, the son of Zeus, so I mustn't upset you in case you find me and kick my ass

That is indeed a danger; I have a terrible temper when it comes to you mortals.

I was being flippant but I do honestly think you should just get on with it. Throughout most of human history the entire family shared a room to sleep in. We wouldn't be here today if were were as embarrassed about sex as we are nowadays...

I know how you feel. But can't you just do the ded very quietly. DD2 18 is still at home and her bedroom is right next to ours. We used to get very nervous about having sex with 3 tenagers in the hous ( we have 3 DD's ), But now we just try and be very quiet.

I have the same problem with my DD.

Personally, I could never take the route of "announcing" as Parents that we are going to do "it"; and then carrying on.
I find it very distasteful and abhorent.

Sex isn't a "family thing".
It's personal; only between the parties involved.
It shouldn't be shared.
I consider sex to be something that I alone share; with my DH.

Broadcasting the fact that you are going to have sex to "whomesoever"; no matter the need for privacy, diminishes the very privacy that One is trying to protect.

And it is uneccessary.

I should explain. As a teenager, I heard my Father/Mother having sex . My Father was an alcoholic. He returned one evening pissed.I heard my Mother "pleading"; during this sex episode.
To this day, I do not know if it was consensual sex.

At the time, as a 13 year old; hearing them during this sex, I thought he was forcing her/raping her.

I remember hearing it; being sickened, revolted; wishing that I could just block it out and not hear anymore.

I was so scared of hearing it again that I had the TV on all night or music/head 'phones. I'm 48 years old, but I still cannot sleep without the tv on.

My Dh and I have good sex when we can manage it.

I'd hate my 11yr old hearing it.

I plead for Him to stop; I pant, I shriek, I beg, I occasionally howl.
All of which would be extremely difficult for any child to interpret if they're not party to One's sex life and sexually active themselves; ...and just overheard.

We have a 25 year old sexual realationship. It's not particularly kinky, it's not particularly dirty. But it is neccesarily somewhat evolved.
Subjective. If my DD heard it; she could imagine that I was in Danger/being Harmed.

My view is that children should never be incorporated/integrated/accomodated for your sex life.

We don't have sex when there is any danger of DD hearing.

As DD doesn't sleep much, we don't have sex much. Sometimes we have sex in the garden.

I don't think that's a solution; because of the slugs.

So, in effect, your bad experience is because you didn't know what they were doing rather than you did.

Obviously I'm assuming the OP's husband isn't alcoholic and a potential rapist; a dangerous assumption in MN Towers I'll grant you.

Me and my brother, when teenagers, overheard my parents' bed squeaking upstairs when we were watching the X-Files. My brother wondered what it was and I told him to turn the telly up and be grateful his parents still loved each other! The penny dropped after a couple of minutes and neither of us were traumatised or grossed out at all. It's not like they were on the kitchen counter in bondage gear!

Overhearing you or guessing why you want your room to be private might make your daughter goe 'eeww' for about three seconds, but she'll get over it and stick the headphones on