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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not understand the idea of 'wanting your body back'?

64 replies

Serendippy · 13/10/2010 14:27

I mean, I do understand the desire to reclaim your body (although after pregnancy mine wasn't worth reclaiming), but to not BF because of this? I saw the baby as taking up 9 months inside and then at least 6 months outside BF, not just the length of the pregnancy. Didn't actually work out like that but still.

Would anyone get pregnant thinking 'I want my body back after 7 months so will demand a premature delivery by CS'? Or what if the baby is overdue?

I am totally baffled at this reasoning. Why is having a baby thought of as just the length of the pregnancy?

Speaks a mother who was overweight, bleeding and exhausted after birth for many weeks and therefore whose body belonged to anyone who would take it, namely DD.

OP posts:

colditz · 13/10/2010 14:55

because some people do not want to breastfeed. Some people do not want to drive. Some people do not want to go to toddler groups. Some people do not want to send their children to school. Some people do not want to got get married. Some people do not want to have sex.

All the above are optional. The people who DO want to do the above are not under any obligation to understand the people who don't, but they must still accept that it is a legal choice.

FrightNightScreamTight · 13/10/2010 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mountainmonkey · 13/10/2010 15:01

BFing helped me get my body back to something resembling its previous size/shape. i think if I'd FF I wouldn't have felt like me again for ages anyway.
And what pjmama said- I had a fab body after 10 months of BF- but now my boobs have shrunk and a few pounds have crept back on.

colditz · 13/10/2010 15:06

If you are formula feeding, that little newborn does NOT rely on you for everything. That little newborn relies on whoever is making the feed. this could be dady, granny, childminder, next door neighbour.

Whereas a breastfed baby truly does rely on the mother for all nourishment and I can see how that would feel VERY claustrophobic.

Original poster

Serendippy · 13/10/2010 15:08

Also, in the early days of BF, your boobs can be leaky, painful, you may have greatly increased appitite or thirst, there are all sorts of factors which mean that you can't have your body back. Getting your life back is a different matter entirely, and a much harder and longer fought battle...

OP posts:

Sullwah · 13/10/2010 15:18

After my pregnancy I wanted my body back.

I was practically bed bound from 32 weeks, had the DTs at 36 weeks. Could not brush my teeth for most of the 36 weeks without retching. I lost 1.5 stones during my pregancy (unfortunately all put back on now) and generally felt crap.

So once the DTs were born the idea of spending most of days with one or other DT attached to me was just not very appealing.

So OP, you don't understand me - you know what - I just don't care.

So here is a

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 13/10/2010 15:29

I didn't used to understand the concept of wanting ones body back. I do now.

I was still breastfeeding when I conceived DC2 (planned) and continued to breastfeed until my milk more or less vanished as I entered the second trimester. DD (DC1) was 13 or 14 months. After breastfed DS (DC2) for a year I had been constantly pregnant and / or BF for over 2 1/2 years and felt desperate to get my body back.

I stopped breastfeeding DS at 14 months and felt very guilty about it, just as I did when DD self weaned during my second pregnancy. I had suffered PND then AND then PND again and been under an enormous amount of strain for other reasons too.

Sometimes, as a mother one isn't able to do what one feels one should. I wanted to feed both DC until 2, but I couldn't.

Original poster

Serendippy · 13/10/2010 15:39

Sullwah thank you for my biscuit

Actually, how you have explained it I can understand why you wanted your body back. I have only ever heard the comment in general terms before, hearing a personal experience makes it easy to see why BF would just be too much after all you had been through.

IABU.

OP posts:

Sullwah · 13/10/2010 16:06

Serendippy - thanks for taking my rant so well

But that's just it isn't it - personal experience.

That is what each of uses to make the decisions we do in how we live our lives and bring up our children.

APixieInMyTea · 13/10/2010 16:22

For me, breastfeeding is getting my body back.

Ok so can't be 100% sure but I'm pretty certain that bf is what has helped me get back into pre pregnancy size jeans just 2 weeks after the birth of my son.

The rest of me will come back as soon as ds has finished with it. At the moment he needs my body more than I want it back. And as he's only 4weeks old now it's gonna be a while yet.

TBH I don't know anyone who did not bf just so they could have their body back quicker.

Whitethorn · 13/10/2010 16:22

Yes chipmonkey like I said each to their own

Bonsoir · 13/10/2010 16:23

I got my body back brilliantly from extended breastfeeding - the two things are not mutually exclusive.

Balsam · 13/10/2010 17:07

I dislike being pregnant and breastfeeding but I breastfed DS1 for five months and am preg with my second. I definitely want my body back but to me, that's not a good enough reason to not breastfeed or not give him a sibling.

I think it's having to completely give over your physical self to someone else, with no respite. Particularly when that someone is not sufficiently brain-developed to understand or appreciate it.

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 13/10/2010 17:53

lol Anna. In that sense, also got my body back - well, got a new improved version. 2 DC in 2 years and just over a year BF of each changed me from a top heavy 14 to nicely proportioned size 8. Which was nice.

Unfortunately it didn't feel like my body and I didn't feel like me. That's changing now, but I'm still an 8.

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 13/10/2010 17:55

Eh? Name confusion there. You know who I mean...

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 13/10/2010 17:58

I would like Cameron Diaz's body back. Thanks.

EdgarAllInPink · 13/10/2010 18:05

hmm. i found most of the anoying side went after 9 months - leakybooby (surely an Austrailian town?)) and outsize norks were gone, and i was just feeding a few times a day...real easy. you have to get that far first though.

really, BF is just a part of the whole postnatal thing. my norks wouldn't be back to normal even if i wasn't BF (they'd look bloody small if they were their normal size, for one thing.)

whilst i've got the baby i'm not going to bewearing anything that's dry-clean only anyway...that life is gone gone gone, and no mount of weight loss, clothes buying or any change in feeding is going to bring it back/

otchayaniye · 13/10/2010 18:11

Firstly, ob/gyns aren't in the habit of giving planned sections on that basis because of the risks babies delivered under 38 weeks face.

Planned sections are usually booked at 38 weeks anyway, because they don't want you to be labour.

I had a private ob/gyn who was forced to give me a section at just under 8 months because of rampant preeclampsia. He really didn't want to.

Also, I know what you mean about the glibness of the phrase. I think your body's the least of it. It's the mental shift total mind body experience of having a baby that's hard.

But I DID want my periods (to TTC) back so at 21 months I cut back the demand breastfeeding drastically and the period came the next month.

DilysPrice · 13/10/2010 18:13

I thought that bf was by far the easiest way to get my body back whilst still eating chocolate cakes. Also breast cancer is a far more savage attack on your body image than even the most demanding infant - I'd do whatever I could to minimise my chances of that-except have another child I didn't want.

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 18:16

I loved being fully immersed in the whole baby thing, although put on far far too much weight, however the 'body back' thing always sounds a little cold.

chibi · 13/10/2010 18:23

i was v happy to share my body with my children

BUT

after 4+ years of nonstop pg or bf or both, i am ecstatic that i can now drug the fuck out of myself when i have a horrible cold (like now) instead of only using olbas oil/steaming/being a stoic

it's great i tells ye

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 18:43

chibi, so true, I was looking forward to hayfever this year....but didn't get it, me and drugs were going to have a great summer!!

naughtymummy · 13/10/2010 19:04

What a strange OP . I Bf ds for 9 months Dd for 7 (her choice) . I had easy pgs I found my body felt much less my own in the postpartum period than during pregnancy. Although it got better, whilst I was breastfeeding , I couldn't eat what I liked ,drink what I liked or wear what I wanted ( had to think about whipping a boob out) also my libido didn't realy come back until they were weaned. So in those ways after 18 months each time, yes I wanted my body back and so did Dh. Interestingly we both felt it was important that I got back to feeling like myself before ttc again.

MumNWLondon · 13/10/2010 19:13

I have just significantly cut down BFing, although still doing 2 a day. DS2 is 6 months old.

I am fed up of being very overweight (can't diet when BFing as am constantly starving) and fed up of leaking milk.

Of course no one would want early delivery by CS - as this would jeopordise the babies life and leave the mother with a scar that she might otherwise avoid.

Its all about balancing the babies needs with the mothers. At 36 weeks pregnant the baby needs to stay inside more than I need to have the baby out. For me breastfeeding for 4-6 months was more important than being thin. Now he's 6 months old I feel differently. My need to be thin is to me more important that his needs not to have any formula.

Original poster

Serendippy · 13/10/2010 19:26

People I know who have talked of wanting their body back don't mean the shape, they mean belonging to themselves again with no demands by anyone else. These friends of mine have all BF though (or tried to), and accepted they would get their body back (exclusive use) after BF. Other friends have chosen to FF but have never stated this as a reason. I totally understand the term as I said in my OP, just up until now did not understand why anyone would want to not start BF because they wanted ownership of their body. (Those of you who BF, this wasn't really a question for you as you did not take your bodies back until your children had finished with them)

Thanks for all your replies, I feel now I understand some of the reasons why people need their bodies back!

OP posts:

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