to _not_ be scared of birth?

[Ryuk]

I've just come from reading the 'most painful part of birth' thread, and the most disturbing thing about it for me was actually the lack of fear. I'm still not scared, and that in itself is pretty scary.

The most common feeling for first time mums seems to be 'I have no idea what I'm going into and it's terrifying', and I almost wish I did feel that way so I could feel a bit more 'normal' - does that make any sense at all?

On the one hand I am actually thinking that this is good, calm attitude will keep me more relaxed etc... but I'm also worried that I'm actually suppressing all my fear and it'll suddenly land on me when the contractions start. Nine months of backlogged terror.

Can it be unhealthy to not be scared at all? Will the above happen?

"disturbing thing about it" = about the thread, to clarify. I've never given birth before but am due in January.

yanbu, don't be scared, I had a straightforward birth and it was nothing to be scared of.

I never felt scared either. Approaching my due date, I found it hard to sleep and used to get up make tea and watch the birth programmes on Living. I cried every time a baby was born, but strangely after watching all these very different births I felt quite serene about it all.

Yanbu

I enjoy giving birth.

I felt the same way too with my first and yes i think that its a good thing.

YANBU - why spend months being terrified of something which has to happen?

Everyones birth experience is different.

If it was that bad, why do most women go on to do it again (and again, and again, in some cases!)

YANBU, keep that attitude. Not everyone is terrified of giving birth, and it will probably really help during labour that you are not. Hope it all goes well for you.

I was TERRFIED of birth for years, and then when I actually became pregnant I decided I had to deal with my fear as fear could (not would) make it worse. I did a hypnobirthing course and read up on everything I could, and by the time labour came round I wasn't scared anymore I just had this can-do attitude. Now whether that helped or not I don't know, everyones labour is different but I do not think you are being unreasonable in not being scared as long as it's because you are well informed rather than thru ignorance IYSWIM.

I felt like that up to the last few days before both, then the panic set in. Before that though i just felt that it was inevitable (which it is). I think the last minute panic was more worry that I wasn't more worried!
As it happens I had two straightforward (easy, as far as these things go) births.

YANBU I wasn't worried about giving birth - and even though I ended up with a fourth degree tear - would have done it all over again straight away. It's a means to an end.

YANBU. I think it will make it easier for you. I was petrified and I think it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had a horrible time and ended up with PTSD and PND. Good luck and keep being positive

I wasn't scared either. I figured that if it was that unbearable then nobody would ever do it, and women have been doing it since the beginning of time, so I was very matter of fact about it. I was very very lucky to have a good experience when ds was born too, despite a few hitches.

I'm with GeekoftheWeek - I look forward to, and enjoy, giving birth. YANBU

No point in being scared, its gonna happen anyway. I wasnt scared, apprehensive maybe, but since theres bugger all you can do about it you may as well just take it as it comes.

I was terrified of the birth for months, but on the morning I woke up in labour, I was filled with the most amazing sense of calm and quiet strength and all my fear had evaporated. I'm sure it helped massively with the pain.

I wasn't scared, and didn't get scared during the birth - I think if you know yourself, you'll know whether you are someone who is suppressing fear and will let it all out at the last minute in a panic attack, or are someone who doesn't tend to flap about things. So long as you don't usually go from suppressed to terrified, there's no reason to worry that you will this time either.

Things will either go smoothly or not. Either way, worrying about them doesn't help, and can tense up the muscles and slow down labour, so its certainly not something you need to feel during labour, though its not the end of the world if you are scared either IYSWIM?

Oh and FWIW my not being scared didn't actually avoid complications, or pain, or all sorts of other bad stuff, so it isn't a cure-all in itself, but you certainly don't need to worry about not being scared, as its well within "normal" when you're pg.

I never felt scared of the birth either. I was apprehensive of it in the early weeks of pregnancy but the closer I got to the due date the more I became impatient to meet my baby. Even during labour I wasn't frightened I was just thinking about him finally arriving and that labour was bringing him.

Ihope this doesn't sound all earth-motherish, before I got pregnant I honestly thought I'd be terrified. I didn't realise how eager I'd be to meet my baby, I think it just overwhelmed any other feelings!

So I don't think you're going to be hit with a huge backlog of terror!

I've no given birth yet but feel pretty relaxed about the whole thing.
I am aware it will be a lot of hard work. will be physically and mental exhausting and will probably hurt a lot.

But i know the type of birth i would like and am making choices to help that happen and am preparing myuself with knowledge and information about what happens if things don;t go to plan. so myself, my partner and my birth helper know what choices i want to make.
Not scared but excited and planning

YANBU - your body was built to do this!

Still hurt alot though - that whole 'it only hurts cos you're afraid' thing annoys the crap out of me!

ryuk I am having my first in December and I am not really scared. I figure that the baby has to come out some how and if it comes through the Vagina then, sure, it's going to hurt but there's not much I can do about that now.

I've watched lots of videos and read up loads on what could happen and I feel like it's all down to what happens on the day now.

Maybe I am in denial some how but I would rather be informed and relaxed than scare myself shitless

I think I am more worried about after the baby is here, the recovery, the breastfeeding, it being christmas etc.

I wasn't scared either, quite excited really.

I don't really know what I expected, mum always said to expect bad period pains. TBH I was concentrating so much on trying to push that the pain sort of goes to the back of your mind (saying that, I had gas and air, and by the time I wanted an epidural it was too late as DS was on his way!

I never really thought beyond birth either, how the early weeks may be, feeding, sleeping etc, just couldn't wait to see my DS - and it is just the best feeling ever when they finally arrive!