to _not_ be scared of birth?

[Ryuk]

I've just come from reading the 'most painful part of birth' thread, and the most disturbing thing about it for me was actually the lack of fear. I'm still not scared, and that in itself is pretty scary.

The most common feeling for first time mums seems to be 'I have no idea what I'm going into and it's terrifying', and I almost wish I did feel that way so I could feel a bit more 'normal' - does that make any sense at all?

On the one hand I am actually thinking that this is good, calm attitude will keep me more relaxed etc... but I'm also worried that I'm actually suppressing all my fear and it'll suddenly land on me when the contractions start. Nine months of backlogged terror.

Can it be unhealthy to not be scared at all? Will the above happen?

YANBU - I think that is a fantastic & healthy attitude to have. Most fears re birth are based in hollywood cliches IMO. It's a natural act and for most women it will go swimmingly.

I used an interesting hypno-relaxation CD in late pregnancy and they argue, very effectively, that much of the pain & problems in birth can be caused by the mothers fear.

For every mother telling a nightmare story there will be many others who have found birth to be a really positive, uplifting event.

It's called labour for a reason & for me that was what it really felt like - a long tiring labour, uncomfortable but no searing pain or anything.

Good luck

I was never terrified a little nervous but not terrified.

I wasn't scared at all in the run up to giving birth - though I refused to hear anyone else's birth stories in case they were horrific. I felt fit and strong and knew I could do it. I didn't feel scared during the birth either. And I had a natural birth with only TENS pain relief and it wasn't that painful either. Bloody tiring though - it was the hardest 'work' I've ever done.

duelingfanjo you watched videos!!! Very brave. I never did though my gay birth partner bravely studied up on youtube! Above & beyond I reckon.

I had a very long labour - but the only frightening bit was when the baby's heart rate crashed right at the end (we needed emergency surgery.)

Labour - though not exactly a walk in the park - was definitely not scary and I was actually quite surprised that even though it hurt - it was less than I'd been led to believe. Well within the limits of endurance - (& much less painful than the infected kidney I had a few years ago!)

YANBU

I wasn't scared at all. I would have been petrified if I'd had to go to hospital though because I'm scared shitless of hospitals.

But I didn't so all is good

I wasn't scared my first time, in fact by the end i had a Bring it on! mentality! :o

Couldn't have been that bad anyway, i've done it twice more since.

I wasn't scared just very excitied about meeting my baby. Knew there would be drugs if I couldn't cope with the pain.

No, I think you're taking the posts on that thread in the spirit in which they were intended. No one (well, no one normal) wants to frighten a first-timer. I don't think I've ever been scared of giving birth, although it isn't something I've ever been particularly looking forward to either.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Sorry.
,
Umm I think you have to go in there with some serious respect for the birth process and to expect some pretty hardcore pain. There's no two ways about it.

In my opinion you can't be prepared and it's not a good idea to have a firm birth plan. I had forceps/epidural and was quite happy with it as took the view that I had no idea what would unfold and how I'd feel. But a friend who was desperate for a perfectly orchestrated natural birth was extremely traumatised when she had an indentical birth to mine.

Manage your expectations, prepare for pain and good luck (to all you preggies on here)!!!!

FindingMyMojo I have to say I was shocked by what I saw, I never thought too much about exaclty what happens when the baby comes out, but it has put my mind at rest because I know that it can e done. Not sure my DH is as prepared but we have NCT classes soon!

I would love to be able to find out more about contractions and transition though, most birth videos seem to concentrate on the crowning.

I was never scared about it. I also subscribed to the school of not worrying over something that had to happen and that I knew millions of women had already donw for centuries with a lot less help!

I found that once labour was well established, I actually withdrew into myself quite a lot. I know I was contracting for a good 7.5hrs before I had to have a section but I was amazed at how quickly the time seemed to go. Poor old DH seemed more worn out with the whole thing than me!

I've had three vaginal births. I don't believe that the pain is caused by fear. It's caused by your cervix dilating and by pushing the baby out. However, I think it does help if you're calm. I liked gas & air, because it distances you from the pain and helps to keep you calm (I know some women don't like it though).

As someone else said, it's not like it is in films and you don't have delivery suites full of women screaming. I remember visiting the delivery area before the birth of my first and remarking on how quiet it was (despite being full).

Women talk about their labours years later, because it will be one of the most intense experiences you'll ever have.

I kept telling myself plenty of women ahve more than one, so it can't be that bad. Although I know some women are traumatised and can't bring themselves to do it again, which is very sad.

I commented on that thread I feel awful now that I've frightened women who haven't been through it yet!

No matter how much you prepare its impossible to imagine what labour and giving birth feel like. I wasn't frightened before, just really excited about meeting my baby. I wasn't treated very well during labour and didn't have the support I needed (I have made a complaint) which is why I was frightened during labour. I'm sure I'd have coped much better if I had been listened to and given choices.

Anyway I'd do it again a million times for my lovely ds and I do want another baby so it can't have been that bad .

Don't be scared, its an amazing experience. Just make sure you have someone with you who will stick up for you and remember that you are in control. Good luck!

I wasn't scared of labour/delivery in the slightest.

Have since been through it.

Am now terrified of it. But I won't be doing it again, so that's fine.

Having had a very traumatic labour and subsequent much calmer ones, I can honestly say that it will really help you not to be scared. The best thing you can do is to relax when you have a contraction - if you tense up it all feels so much more painful.

yanbu, being scared in advance wouldn't really help so your attitude is probably better. worrying about it doesnt have a lot of benefit as the baby is gonna have to come out in the end, nothing worrying will do about it.
i am not scared of birth either but have already had 2, im looking forward to the next one it is exciting to give birth although yes painful, but worth it.

YANBU. What's the point of being scared of something you have little control over, that you have to do?

I wasn't scared, but in retrospect I think I was a little naive. I figured my body would know what to do, but in reality it was probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. DD was back to back though, so not a typical experience. And it did hurt, but I survived and I'd go through it again.
YANBU though, being scared won't help, now or during labour itself.