Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to resent being asked to have a child round at short notice?

54 replies

Bluebell99 · 13/10/2010 12:45

I am feeling a bit cross about this to be honest. I texted someone last night to arrange a lift share to a trip next week, and the person rang me back to say, she wasn't sure if she could but would let me know. Fair enough. But then she says is my child free tomorrow. So I say, oh i think so. And then she says could her child come to mine then as she has to be somewhere else! sO AIBU to feel she has tricked me into having her child over?! To put it into context she has never had my child over to hers and I don't even know where she lives! Our children are school friends. I am the worlds worst housewife, my house is cluttered and untidy, and I am sick of other people's children telling me my house is messy when I have spend the day tidying up and it is quite clean by my standards. Can I get out of this?!

OP posts:

bigchris · 13/10/2010 12:47

Ring and say your ill

SoupDragon · 13/10/2010 12:47

So, a friend has asked you for a favour?

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 13/10/2010 12:48

what a cheek!

Checkmate · 13/10/2010 12:48

Just say "no".

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 13/10/2010 12:48

well no SD she didn't just come out with it she went a roundabout way

purpleturtle · 13/10/2010 12:49

And you had asked a favour first, in trying to arrange a liftshare?

And 24 hours notice is loads - my DC insist on arranging for friends to come round as they come out of school.

Lancelottie · 13/10/2010 12:49

You say,
'Well, they can, of course, but are they good with a mop and bucket, because we're midway through a big clear out/replumbing the drains/about to demolish the outside loo and he/she'll have to muck in. Oh, and could she bring sandwiches as we're picnicking amongst the mess...'

Original poster

Bluebell99 · 13/10/2010 12:50

Well, no she is not a friend, is she?! I don't even know her surname! I quite happily have my friend's children over at short notice. My friend got stuck in London, and I had hers over, and another had a funeral and I had hers. The point is this woman is not my friend, and usually wouldnt even acknowledge me in the playground, although interestingly she has spoken to me a couple of times this week.

OP posts:

DomesticG0ddess · 13/10/2010 12:52

YABU. Do you usually act like this when someone asks you for a favour? It's not her fault you can't keep your house tidy!

If you don't want to do it, just say no, as long as you don't expect any favours in return!

Morloth · 13/10/2010 12:53

So why don't you just say 'No'?

GeekOfTheWeek · 13/10/2010 12:53

I think that's really rude.

Instead of festering in resentment, learn to say no.

gapbear · 13/10/2010 12:53

You sound like me Bluebell! My house is also cluttered - working on it, slowly. I know it's hard to say no, but can you ring her and feign illness / remembered appointment / hair washing?

Original poster

Bluebell99 · 13/10/2010 12:56

Yes but the lift share was a lift share! I said could she take them if I brought them back, so I would be doing her a favour too! But actually the arranging a lift SHARE is also annoying me, because I texted round saying would anyone want to lift share, and I could bring back, and had a reply saying yes please. So I text back saying, great you're ok to take them then, and get a reply saying Oh no I can't take them or bring them back!!! WTF!!! I am already taking one extra as her mum asked me ages ok and she doesnt drive. I have MUG on my forehead don't I?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluebell99 · 13/10/2010 13:01

DomesticGoddess not I don't. And if you read my previous post, you would see I am happy to have my friend's children at short notice.
She caught me out because she didn't ask me if I could have her child, she asked if my child was free.
I would not ask her to have my child at such short notice, because I don't actually know the woman and my child has never been to her house and she never speaks to me usually!!!!

OP posts:

MimsyRogers · 13/10/2010 13:02

She obviously needs the favour, ok she was being a bit opportunistic, but why not help her out? Don't tidy up whatever you do, it doesn't matter.
As for the lift share, could you text back again to say you are happy to do one way but not both and could she find someone to do the other way if she can't do it?

MadamDeathstare · 13/10/2010 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWeeWoman · 13/10/2010 13:12

Just do it and then you will have her in your power as she will owe you one.
How tidy your house is shouldn't matter. As my mother says 'behind every immaculate house is a very boring person.' If needs be chant this under your breath as said child asks you why it looks this way.
To take matters further breeze up to her ever morning and cheerily yell 'Hi, how are you?'

Original poster

Bluebell99 · 13/10/2010 13:13

Thank you MImsyRogers. I probably will do it as my child would enjoy having hers over BUT i would need to clear up and get off mumsnet! I wish I was tidier, and could have people over at short notice, but actually this is really stressing me!

And the thing is, I would never have asked her for this sort of favour, as we are not on those sort of terms. She isnt the one saying she cant help with the lift share at all, that is someone else another pisstaker ! She is getting back to me on that. So managed to get me to do a favour without committing to one in return!

OP posts:

springinstep · 13/10/2010 13:20

Wow you are getting a hard time OP! YANBU!
She isn't a friend and she was sneaky about the way she asked for a favour. I would just live and learn from it - you could feign illness but it is maybe easier just to do it this time and be sneakier yourself next, along the lines of "I'd have to check, what were you planning...?" if she asks if your child is free.

Original poster

Bluebell99 · 13/10/2010 13:27

Thank you springinstep! That's a good line!
i wonder if the likes of DomesticGoddess do this to their acquaintances?! I am always happy to go out of my way to help a FRIEND but you are right she was very sneaky, and she has never even invited my child to hers. She said oh we will have to have minibluebell around over half term.

OP posts:

QuickLookBusy · 13/10/2010 13:31

Feel your pain Bluebell know about the sort of person you are talking about. Have a very similar family whose DD is one of my DDs best friends.

Over the years we have just accepted that they are selfish sods. Mum will phone up and ask if I can give her DD a lift, but never offers to do a trip in return. She is always too busy, well so am I! She will drive past my house to take her DD somewhere and has never offered to pick up my DD.

Everyone has taken turns to pick up the group of girls from late parties, dances etc. They have never taken a turn. If anyone has ever said "no we cant pick up/take your DD," then she doesnt get to go, as the parents cant be bothered.

I used to get really annoyed but felt really sorry for my DDs friend, and decided just to concentrate on their friendship, rather than the bloomoing parents. My DD always thanks me for it, as she knows she wouldnt get to see her friend if I didnt do all the running around.

phipps · 13/10/2010 13:34

I don't think YABU and I also hate it when people are sneaky about asking for things.

mw27pink · 13/10/2010 14:02

You can put this down to experience and be more aware of people around. The fact that you have already done few favors to her means that you have earned the right to say NO without the need to explain yourself. Just say : I'm sorry I wont be able to help you this time...

In reagards ot house being tidy- you just have to accept that this is the way you are and if it bothers any of your friends , well they are not really FRIENDS!! Trust me this is from my experience.

luciemule · 13/10/2010 14:08

Her child could have been saying "I want to go to bluebell child's house, whinge, whine, whinge, whine..." etc so it could be a compliment.

It's annoying the way she said it but if I were you, I would just go with and then when she collects her DC, say "right, we must arrange a day for DC to go to play with --- at your house. How's next Wednesday?"

Mermaidspam · 13/10/2010 14:08

You sound a bit stressed love.
Have a cuppa

Flip

1 2 3