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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think maybe I am, but feel really pissed off about this

47 replies

moominmarvellous · 13/10/2010 09:40

Well, here's what's happened.

Earlier on in the year I bought my niece and DD tickets to a show (nieces birthday present and -I take DD every year), going with me and one of my sisters. Anyway I am pregnant, and my dates were changed by 3 weeks, bringing me right on top of the show date (due Fri, show the following week). When I realised this, I also realised that the show is very close to my nephews birthday, so said to my other sister (his mum) that I would give him my ticket for his birthday and the 3 children will go with their Auntie. She said lovely, thanks and that was settled.

Then yesterday she called and said 'oh bad news, nephew doesn't want to go to the show. He says it's too babyish'. He is 6, the same age as my niece.

I'm just pissed off with my sister for asking him, when I know he would like the show if he was taken to it as a surprise with his cousins as it was intended.

Also and this is probably the UR part, can't she see that this now makes things difficult for me as I now lose the cost of the ticket and need to go out and get him something else as he's vetoed my gift!!

I just don't get why she had to run it by him when it was supposed to be a surprise?

I'll probably get told off for being selfish, but I just think my sister could have left the plans as they were!

OP posts:

AddictedIsFeelingHappy · 13/10/2010 09:44

yanbu, tell your sister that your really sorry you've already bought the ticket as his birthday present and cant afford to get him another present so he can go or miss out and not get a birthday present.

thats what i would do anyway!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 13/10/2010 09:44

IMO, YA a bit U. My DD has very strong views on what she finds 'entertaining' and would have huffed and puffed if I had made her sit through something she thought was babyish.

bundlebelly · 13/10/2010 09:46

Definately do not get him a replacement present. You would be encouraging the bratty behaviour. YANBU at all. The sister should know better. You have been really kind and you are about to have a baby and don't need this stress.

wildmutt · 13/10/2010 09:47

YABU (I'm sure you realise this) as just because it would have suited you to off load your ticket to your nephew, if it's not what he wants to see then I don't blame him for not wanting it. What is the show?

Could you ask dd or niece if they would like to bring a friend? They may then reciprocate and treat your dd to a day out in the future.

Oblomov · 13/10/2010 09:53

Why should a 6 yera old be forced to sit through something he doesn't want to. And why is that "brattish" ?
Some 6 year olds like thomas the tank. many don't and think it is very childish.

If you care that much about him, buy him something thta he would like.

Hullygully · 13/10/2010 09:55

Who's the adult?!

AddictedIsFeelingHappy · 13/10/2010 09:56

i missed the bit about you giving him your ticket.

in that case, you would have had to buy him something anyway so your not actually loosing out on money. invite a friend or the girls grandmother? to go along and give the ticket to them

electra · 13/10/2010 09:58

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. He's been given a gift and should accept it graciously. To call you up and say he doesn't want it is beyond rude imo.

JennySuperB · 13/10/2010 09:59

Sounds brattish to me, but I think the mum is encouraging it by asking him in advance if he wanted to go, giving him the option to say no, and have control.

I agree with the OP she should have just taken him, been happy for the day out and he would probably have liked it.

Mind you so far you only have the mum's word that that's what the kid said, maybe she didn't want to go and is blaming him :o

electra · 13/10/2010 10:00

I should say - it is rude of your sister to pander to what he said at one point in time. I have a 6 year old - they change their mind every day imo! If my dd had said this to me I would have said, 'Ok, whatever but you're going'

thx1138 · 13/10/2010 10:04

I think YABU.

You didn't buy the ticket for his birthday. It became convenient for you to give the ticket to him as a birthday present when you couldn't go to the show. The show was clearly aimed at the girls with the nephew as a last minute bum on seat.

What is the show. It may well be babyish to him. Boys and girls have very different tastes.

Spidermama · 13/10/2010 10:05

YANBU. Your nephew should not have been consulted and anyway your sister should have taken him. I bet he'll like the show anyway. How much experience of shows can a 6 year old draw upon after all!!

I also think your sister should factor in the fact that you are very pregnant, preparing for birth, and need things to run smoothly.

Definitely don't get him another present.

thx1138 · 13/10/2010 10:06

Oh. I missed that the nephew is the son of a third sister. So a whole section of the family that had previously been left out of the jolly until it became convenient to include them.

Yep. YABU.

hairytriangle · 13/10/2010 10:08

Yabu!

HCX · 13/10/2010 10:09

When you booked it you must have known it was close to his b.day but didnt think to get him a ticket then! IMO i think his mum (your sister) is feeling a used tbh. You now cant go cos of the pregnancy so thought you could kill two birds with one stone by giving him (the otherwise wasted ticket) and saving money on buying him a gift! Its your problem, not hers/his! Id feel the same as your sister!!

coatgate · 13/10/2010 10:10

Sorry but I think YABU. As others have said, you were offloading your ticket onto your nephew and he was a last minute reserve.

Although I do agree that your sister was being a bit precious running it by him first. Perhaphs she knew it was not his cup of tea.

Jux · 13/10/2010 10:13

In defence of the op though: I got tickets for me and dd to see Les Mis a few months ago. When I told her, she told me she didn't want to see it, it wasn't her sort of thing, etc etc etc.

We went anyway. She loved it. She wanted Les Mis stuff for her birthday. She plays the dvd of the 10th anniv concert endlessly. She wants to go again.

When I was a kid, we were often taken by aunts to see shows along with cousins. We were not consulted, but told. We often had misgivings, but loved every single one of them.

GeekOfTheWeek · 13/10/2010 10:15

Yabu and mean.

electra · 13/10/2010 10:19

The circumstances of how he got the ticket are irrelevant imo. A ticket to see a show is a generous gift for a 6 year old. The OP's sister originally thought it would be a great idea. And I'm sure the OP would not have offered them in the first place if she thought the show was totally inappropriate for him.

If someone bought your child a birthday present they didn't like, would you phone them up and say 'X doesn't like it, please get him something else'?

Oblomov · 13/10/2010 10:27

Tell us what the show is.
Bet its really unsuitable for 6 year old boys. Especially 'afterthought' one's.

Whats so 'brattish' about asking if someone wants to do something. Some of ds1's Year 2 (so 6.9) were desperate to go to the circus. ds1 didn't want to go. i was pleased coz i don't like them much either.
but he was desperate to go swimming. off we went to coral reef , with slides, pirate ships, waves etc.

why is this such a crime ?

bundlebelly · 13/10/2010 10:29

well said electra I have heard of parents before saying things like - my child doesn't like/has already got/hasn't got room for this gift. I think it is really rude of the parent and should not be encouraged in the child. Even if the child does express an opinion, as some kids will, they need to LEARN good manners and you should accept and be grateful for a gift, even if you don't like it! Unless of course the 'gift' is utterly innapropirate or hurtful which this one definately not.

So much seems to come down to money spent. It's really sad.

thx1138 · 13/10/2010 10:30

@Electra. SO kids should just put up and shut up and be used by adults as convenient stop gaps.

I disagree.

I also want to know the nature of the show.

bundlebelly · 13/10/2010 10:31

And a gift is different from what oblomov is saying, or course it is ok for kids to have a choice of days out occaisonally. The two things aren't the same IMO.

thx1138 · 13/10/2010 10:32

@bundlebelly. How do you know the gift wasn't inappropriate. For all we know it could be Fifi and Flowertots on Ice. Not a great prospect the for the majority of 6 year old boys I would suggest.

bundlebelly · 13/10/2010 10:34

OK! What was the show moomin

?????

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