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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think maybe I am, but feel really pissed off about this

47 replies

moominmarvellous · 13/10/2010 09:40

Well, here's what's happened.

Earlier on in the year I bought my niece and DD tickets to a show (nieces birthday present and -I take DD every year), going with me and one of my sisters. Anyway I am pregnant, and my dates were changed by 3 weeks, bringing me right on top of the show date (due Fri, show the following week). When I realised this, I also realised that the show is very close to my nephews birthday, so said to my other sister (his mum) that I would give him my ticket for his birthday and the 3 children will go with their Auntie. She said lovely, thanks and that was settled.

Then yesterday she called and said 'oh bad news, nephew doesn't want to go to the show. He says it's too babyish'. He is 6, the same age as my niece.

I'm just pissed off with my sister for asking him, when I know he would like the show if he was taken to it as a surprise with his cousins as it was intended.

Also and this is probably the UR part, can't she see that this now makes things difficult for me as I now lose the cost of the ticket and need to go out and get him something else as he's vetoed my gift!!

I just don't get why she had to run it by him when it was supposed to be a surprise?

I'll probably get told off for being selfish, but I just think my sister could have left the plans as they were!

OP posts:

GeekOfTheWeek · 13/10/2010 10:41

Pita for your Sis too. I would hate to take ds to a show he was unhappy about seeing. Not fun for anyone IMO.

Oblomov · 13/10/2010 10:42

I always say, thank for the gift, to anyone, even if ds's aren't that keen.
But with my sil ( I have 8), becasue we are close and like eachother, and our dc adore eachother, i always ask her what they would like. and she says, oh ds1(same age as my ds1) is into machattax or bakugan, which my ds isn't. so thats what i buy him. and if she said we were thinking of going to see .... i would prob make ds go, actually, we would want to go to anything.
but you see what i mean. actaully, i take that back, i'm not even sure i know what i mena !!!

Jux · 13/10/2010 11:34

Mum gave dd a very expensive and lovely book on Egypt one Christmas. Then dd went to stay for a few days with MIL and sFIL. sFIL had got the same book for her. DD was delighted, said thank you really enthusiastically and genuinely. sFIL was so angry she'd already got a copy that he threatened (and actually tried) to take it back, saying he was going to give it to a child up the road as she'd already got it. DD ended up in tears and MIL had to hide the book so sFIL couldn't take it away.

Jux · 13/10/2010 11:35

I don't know why I posted that. Totally irrelevant. Sorry.

Hullygully · 13/10/2010 11:35

It was very touching tho, Jux.

Lolalocket · 13/10/2010 11:53

Why is it unreasonable to ask a child if they want to go somewhere? I never force my DD to something she wasn't interested in doing, and I quite often run things by her and explain what they are about before commiting her to going to things like shows or films. She has quite decided ideas on what she likes and I don't think that makes her a brat. If she goes to something she doesn't like she is only going to get bored and ber a nightmare for whoever is with her. She would find somethings scarey that other children mightn't as well.
As your sister had already agreed she should probably tell her son that it is fine that he doesn't want to go but this is the present you got him and he won't be getting anything else, although to be honest if I were you I would get him something as this ticket was not bought with him and mind and is obviously nto a suitable present for him.

Ryuk · 13/10/2010 12:05

For what it's worth thx1138, my nephew wanted to be a ballerino when he was seven, and would have loved to see almost any 'XYZ on Ice' type of show. :)

Agree that if it wasn't intended for him in the first place though, then it's a bit unreasonable to be offended if he doesn't want to go. I'd see if dd or niece have a friend they'd like to take with instead.

Bue · 13/10/2010 12:05

I do think YAB a bit U. I can see why you are annoyed at the situation, but children are allowed to have likes and dislikes just like the rest of us. If it were a genuine gift then I'd think it was a bit off to allow him not to go, but let's be honest, you offloaded the ticket onto your nephew as a "gift" at the last minute! If you thought he'd like the show so much, why didn't you give him a ticket in the first place?

Ryuk · 13/10/2010 12:06

Also it's not like you need to get him an expensive 'something else', is it?

BrightLightBrightLight · 13/10/2010 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumblingbovine · 13/10/2010 12:18

Well I took Ds to see a show that he was adamant was too babyish and he wouldn't like when he was 5 years old and he really was bored all the way through. (I was bored too tbh) it was a terrible show and I wasted my money. A lot of the other children seemd to be enjoying it but they were mostly toddlers. Of course I did the authoritarian thing of making him go but I wish I had checked now before buying it.

DS is 6 in Nov and I know exactly what he would say if I bought him tickets to Fifi and the flowertots on Ice or something similar!

SoupDragon · 13/10/2010 12:28

Sadly, YABU as the ticket wasn't a gift chosen for him, it was your ticket and you're off loading it. You would have had to buy him a present anyway and its hardly his fault your due date has been changed!

thx1138 · 13/10/2010 12:47

@RYUK. Sure, absolutely. That's why in my post I didn't say that ALL boys would want to give Fifi and the Flowertots on Ice a massive swerve.

I wonder if such a show exists.

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 13/10/2010 16:10

Hello! Sorry, have been out this afternoon.

No, I know it wasn't originally intended for him, which is why I concede that I am being UR.

It was more that she agreed it months ago then asked him yesterday. It would have been easier if she'd said, I better check he'll like it first. She didn't seem at all disgruntled, but we have alot of children in our family so it's a given that sometimes we can't go to things enmasse. I just think sometimes parents should try and make things easier for other parents - and she just never does this unless it suits her really. Maybe she did feel like he was an afterthought but that wasn't intentional at all - it was purely timing of the tickets going on sale that it even crossed my mind to take my niece (other sister coming has no DC's).

The show is Disney on Ice, so a collection of characters, he has and loves all the films, so I thought he'd like it too, followed by a McDonalds probably. I didn't think it was any more babyish than watching a film. To my knowledge he's never been to any shows before and thought it'd be a different experience. I was going to give him the ticket and show him the website so he had an idea of where we were going and show him that it was fun, I can't imagine how she's described it to him as he has no idea if it's babyish or not really.

Anyway, I know it's not his fault, i have been a bit selfish and I would never not get him another present. I just get miffed with my sisters approach to things sometimes because it's so different to mine which again, is me being unreasonable!

Thanks all for your input. I'll stop my moaning and groaning now and stop trying to palm my crap off on to my sisters kids!

OP posts:

bundlebelly · 13/10/2010 16:23

Aw, moomin you sound really nice!
Disney on ice sounds fab and completely suitable for a a 6 year old girl or boy. Oh well, everyone's different I suppose.
Dare you to add to his dvd disney collection for his replacement present by the way! Good luck with your new little baby too.

saffy85 · 13/10/2010 16:33

I wanna go! I don't see why it would be babyish for a 6 y/o boy.

electra · 13/10/2010 16:37

Yes moomin, I think that's why my view is that you're not unreasonable because your sister has suddenly changed her mind! I agree, you do sound nice and not like you were trying to palm off at all - disney on ice sounds fab anyway

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 13/10/2010 16:56

ha ha! Thanks. I feel bad for feeling pissed off but it really bothered me that she didn't even give me a chance to tell him myself. The fact that the ticket had originally been for me wasn't even in my head anymore tbh, but maybe that's where I've gone wrong here!

Hmmmmm I better take the hint and steer clear of Disney think I'll stick with some kind of action figure.

OP posts:

FrightNightScreamTight · 13/10/2010 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thx1138 · 13/10/2010 19:33

The time lag in deciding is v. annoying I agree. On that score you are not BU.

By way of an experiment I asked my 9 year old ds if he would like to see Disney on Ice and it turns out he would be bang up for it. I am now struggling to explain that I don't actually have tickets

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 13/10/2010 19:55

It is isn't it? It's like panto or something, you can't really be too old for it...not at 6 anyway.

Oh thx1138 It is a really good show, last year they had fireworks and fire on the ice and everything. I took the older lot of nieces and nephews to High School Musical on Ice one Xmas as it was on at that time of year and they loved it, they were aged between 9 and 15!

Just something a bit different is nice sometimes. I think it's nice to get as a present something you might not neccessarily choose yourself. But the more I think about it, maybe she did think I was fobbing him off. Mind you, if it'd had been a ticket to a specific show, like Cinderella on Ice, of course I wouldn't of considered it.

OP posts:

HCX · 14/10/2010 11:59

You didnt state that it was months after you had already given him the ticket that she then told you he didnt want to go. In that case your NBU. I think other people who are calling him a brat is a bit harsh as hes only 6 and like you say his mums giving him the choice, Sounds amazing and im sure he would love it! Guess your problem now is trying to convince him that. Good Luck, oh and if he really doesnt want to go ill have the ticket! lol Hx

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