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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why this has become the norm?

51 replies

LadyBaiter · 13/10/2010 09:06

Or is it just me?

Just had an invite to a hen do. Weekend away, 2 nights, to involve paintballing, clay pigeon shooting, go carting, and a cottage in the sticks packed full of booze.

Isn't this a bit excessive? Trouble is it's not the first...

Can't imagine anything worse and dread to think how much it will cost.

My hen do was a gathering of mates, few jugs of pimms, good old chin wag and home. Am I just boring?

OP posts:
abr1de · 13/10/2010 09:08

I am not impressed by this, either. I just went out to lunch with eight or so other women. Very enjoyable.

I'd just say I couldn't make it.

Serendippy · 13/10/2010 09:09

It does seem to be the norm. I don't go to them anymore as can't afford them, I suggest as well as the extravaganza that we (the girls) have a night out for a drink shortly before the wedding.

The bride can do what she likes and lots of people do go so must be good fun

GypsyMoth · 13/10/2010 09:10

god that sounds great fun!!!

how much do you have to pay for your share though??

EdgarAllInPink · 13/10/2010 09:15

sounds like fun. i was pregnant for mine, and went to The Lanesborough for high tea. that rocked too...

a friend had hers at The Globe theatre (and the pub next to it), another friend had life drawing of a nude bloke...

i am yet to do the 'norm' as above, but I would certainly want to if free from babydom for a bit.

Beatlebum · 13/10/2010 09:16

I've been invited on four hen dos like that this year and haven't been to any of them as I just can afford it. The last one was £200 each, and that didn't include travel there.

Along with going to the weddings, clothes to wear, wedding gifts it's just too much. If I'd have been to them all and all the weddings too it would have set me back a couple of grand this year, all on other people when we are struggling ourselves.

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 09:17

It's very egocentric, isn't it....the bride I mean, who wants to spend £200 on a crappy weekend?

notasize10yetbutoneday · 13/10/2010 09:17

Definitely the norm. £200 spend seems about average now from the last few I have been invited to- note I say 'invited to' and not 'attended'...

Original poster
LadyBaiter · 13/10/2010 09:18

Prices not confirmed yet.

Trouble is I will be a week off my due date, so unfortunatley I can't make this one Smile.

I just think it's alot to ask of people, you feel obliged to say yes, even though you have no input into what the weekend will consist of. (Also why a whole weekend?!)

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 13/10/2010 09:20

I think its all so over the top, and that its awful to assume that friends would want to spend a fortune going away to celebrate your wedding.

I went out for one night with about 8 friends, had a lovely meal then a boogie at a club. My DH went to his local for a pint!

Just say you cant make it.

CrazyPlateLady · 13/10/2010 09:21

It seems to be the norm now, but I think it is way OTT.

A 'friend' of mine recently (I say friend, we were best friends on and off at school, not she can never be bothered with me and I have given up chasing her) wanted me to go to her hen weekend in Amsterdam, knowing I have M.E., a toddler and I am on benfits. When I told her I couldn't make it, she said I could go to her other hen weekend over here, in her home town which is about an hour away so would require b & b etc. I declined that one too.

Whats wrong with a bloody night out?

Original poster
LadyBaiter · 13/10/2010 09:21

Well if it's £200 they'lll be told where to stick it!

Beatlebum - forgot about the cost of the wedding as well.

Posie - tis indeed.

Bridezilla on my hands here. Only select children allowed to attend the wedding too, mine not in the 'selected'!

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyBaiter · 13/10/2010 09:23

QuickLookBusy - Thing is, isn't the wedding day to celebrate the wedding? See, your hen night sounds perfect!

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyBaiter · 13/10/2010 09:24

In fact, could possibly be a whole other thread there as I will have a newborn when it's the actual wedding....

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NestaFiesta · 13/10/2010 09:25

YANBU. What is this need for expensive orgiasstic frenzy of contrived pre arranged activities that most brides have never done before in their lives?

I went on a hen weekend and it cost over £600. It involved flights, accommodation, a salsa lesson, high tea in a very expensive bar, Cocktails in Harevy Nicks, many taxis, a nightclub, fancy dress, a ghost walk,lunch, and shopping. In three days.

I rang my DH from the toilets crying with fatigue and begging to come home.

Oh and then you have the wedding where we had to shell out for overnight accommodation in the wedding hotel and a bloody present!

IMO it is a waste of money and very very excessive and exclusive. Mine was an overnighter in a seaside hotel with 3 friends. We went for a meal and came home the next day on the train. they could still afford to come our wedding afterwards!

beaker25 · 13/10/2010 09:32

This is all making me feel much better. I've just been invited to a hen weekend of three nights in Spain. Cost for flights and accomadation alone is £200.

It's not till next June but I've been absolutely dreading it, and thinking that I had to go.

Phew, I'm feeling better that other people also think this sort of thing is mad. Everyone else seems to be well up for it, I was thinking it was just me!

Original poster
LadyBaiter · 13/10/2010 09:32

Wow NestaFiesta! £600!!

Just gets me that they think they are that important. Feel like saying, listen love, you've not bothered to pop a birthday card through the door for me, or the DC's for at least the last ten years, but yet you expect all this time and money from me to celebrate you signing a piece of paper?!

OP posts:
Serendippy · 13/10/2010 09:34

I don't think it's unreasonable for the bride to want to do this and friends of mine who have gone to them have loved them, using them as an excuse for a girly holiday. I would love to go to at least one however have no cash to spare. Does not mean I begrudge anyone else going though, you can always suggest meeting for a drink another time.

beaker25 · 13/10/2010 09:34

Oh and this friend also said that she had orginally wanted to go away for a week, as apparently everyone does this now. She then said that she thinks she's being very reasonable only asking us to go away for three days.

Beatlebum · 13/10/2010 09:42

I think what some brides to be forget is that thier wedding may one of he most important days of thier lives, but it doesn't really mean that much to anyone else.

As much as I care for my friends, £200, a whole weekend, traveling to places, all the money and hassle that comes along with other peoples weddings is what I think about, not how special thier day will be for them.

To be honest, if I had a spare £200 to spend on a weekend, I'd much rather spend it doing something lovely with ds and dh. Not running around paintballing and having enforced fun with a group of women I don't know that well while resenting every penny I was spending.

I didn't have a hen do, got married in a registry office, said to people they were welcome to come along if they liked, but not to feel they had to buy an outfit (we got married in normal clothes!) didn't have a party afterwards and said strictly no gifts. No one who came had to spend a penny on coming to my wedding, I would have felt terrible if they did.

CrazyPlateLady · 13/10/2010 09:45

Couldn't agree more lady. This 'friend' hasn't kept in proper touch for nearly 10 years, didn't come and see me when I had DS, even though she knew we were told we were unlikely to have children and I offered to go to hers as I thought her mum would like to see DS too, I know the family. I finally bumped into her in town when DS was 6 months old, she visited once after that. A year later she came to my house (which is a mile away from her work), stayed for an hour right on top of tea time and spend the whole time texting on her phone, then suddenly announced she was being picked up. We had already arranged that I was giving her a lift home, but she had arranged to be picked up while we were stood talking.

I haven't seen her since (this was a year ago) but she wanted me to go to Amsterdam!! Fuck that was my thought.

backwardpossom · 13/10/2010 09:45

I think it's ridiculous, to be honest.

My hen night was a small group of close friends, ten pin bowling, a meal, a night out on the town then home. Was great fun and all that mattered was that my best friends were there.

MrsC2010 · 13/10/2010 09:50

Sounds like my idea of fun, but TOTALLY OTT for a hen do!

MrsC2010 · 13/10/2010 09:51

Oh, meant to say that I just had dinner and drinks with lots of people for mine. I did also go to Cornwall for the weekend with my sister and best friend, kind of as a mini hen do.

iliketosleep · 13/10/2010 09:52

When my DB got married, SIL's (2nd) hen do cost around £20 which wasn't too bad. The bit that got my back up was when I was asked to be bridesmaid and had to:

Buy my own shoes which had already been chosen at £30. I will never wear them again.

When my dress didn't fit I had to pay the £60 to have it adjusted and also had to take it there and pick it up.

Then:

They had the big fancy do in a castle many miles away which cost around £60 in fuel.

To stay there overnight would have cost £100 per room.

Ontop of that having to buy outfits for DH and 4 DC

So all in all around £250, to WATCH someone else get married. Hmm

bintofbohemia · 13/10/2010 09:55

Six of us went for a meal and then ended up drinking vodka til the wee hours. It was absolutely lovely and I wouldn't have wanted (or could have afforded) anything else. Just can't justify the expense when you have a family can you, that money would pay for a weekend away for all of us!