Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to wonder why this has become the norm?

51 replies

LadyBaiter · 13/10/2010 09:06

Or is it just me?

Just had an invite to a hen do. Weekend away, 2 nights, to involve paintballing, clay pigeon shooting, go carting, and a cottage in the sticks packed full of booze.

Isn't this a bit excessive? Trouble is it's not the first...

Can't imagine anything worse and dread to think how much it will cost.

My hen do was a gathering of mates, few jugs of pimms, good old chin wag and home. Am I just boring?

OP posts:

Onetoomanycornettos · 13/10/2010 09:58

I once went to a (non) hen weekend where the groom had cancelled the wedding the day before we all arrived, that was a bundle of laughs. We spent the whole weekend telling her that this was a blessing in disguise, he was an idiot anyway and none of us thought it would work and she was better off without him. Obviously they got back together a few days after the non-hen do and we all had to attend the wedding after everything we had said. Awful.

tyler80 · 13/10/2010 11:53

I've been on a few where costs have been a between a hundred and 200 for a weekend. I don't think it's unreasonable as long as you're close friends and there's no expectation or pressure to attend.

I've either chosen to attend one activity or attend an evening dinner and not the activity because I either wasn't able to afford the whole thing or wasn't able to spare the time. My friends are all nice people so they understood. :)

I much prefer this option to getting wasted, being forced to wear bunny ears and traipsing round town.

Bue · 13/10/2010 12:10

Totally excessive. Not to mention self-absorbed and slightly egomaniacal. I don't attend these expensive weekends, and luckily my real friends are generally sensible enough to plan far more low-key celebrations!

roadkillbunny · 13/10/2010 12:12

Going on something like that would just be out of the question for me, could never afford it, luckily most of our friends are already married.
My Hen do was me going to stay for the weekend with my best friend (who was my bridesmaid)100 miles away, we spent the day at her house pampering each other then went out for a meal at the local pub with some other friends who lived in that area (male and female) and then back to my friends house for best friend and I to colour my hair and watch chick flicks, I went home the next day having had a lovely weekend away, my first (and so far last) weekend away since I had children. The same weekend DH and his male friends and family went out around the city for drinks while MIL looked after dd, everyone had a good time, it all cost very little for everyone involved and gave me just the relaxation I needed a week before the wedding that had been planned in just 3 months!

I guess there is nothing wrong with brides (and grooms) arranging these action packed expensive hen and stag do's as long as they accept that not everybody can afford or want to go and don't take non attendance as a personal slight.

BrightLightBrightLight · 13/10/2010 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myleetlepony · 13/10/2010 12:14

I don't care what the brides say, I've had a couple of invitations on a similar scale to this and I just politely refuse, saying I can't afford it. If pressed I point out that DP and I haven't been on holiday for quite some time, so when we do collect that sort of money together that will be our priority.

Tortington · 13/10/2010 12:15

yes my friends daughter was going to have a weekend abroad and i was invited.

i declined as it would essentially mean i wouldn't be able to eat for the rest of the year.

so expensive.

WideWebWitch · 13/10/2010 12:15

Oh it's completely excessive and mad and over the top. I would decline if it's not your sort of thing.

lola0109 · 13/10/2010 12:24

My sisters hen weekend was in Cardiff (we're in Glasgow). It was very informal, invites via text and if people were interested they could go. No arranged activities, just a lovely weekend.

She then, however, had an "official" night out in glasgow in a karaoke restaurant for about 30 people (aunts/cousins etc).

I think the weekend away is fine if its close family and friends but it's nice to have a smaller scale (or larger scale but cheaper option) available.

I want to go to NYC for my hen weekend, but it would be just be me, my sisters and mum I'd then have something smaller for friends and family! Just need DP to ask me!

ForMashGetSmash · 13/10/2010 12:25

sounds more like a Stag Do! I would HATE it! Muddy and messy.

BrightLightBrightLight · 13/10/2010 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 13/10/2010 12:28

The best hen do I've ever been to was a preorganised night out in a town 15 miles away, with prebooked taxis to share back home, in a grotty little nightclub where nobody knew us.

Bridezillas take note.

tyler80 · 13/10/2010 12:31

See colditz, nightclubs are my idea of hell. At least with multi activity weekends I can participate in the bits I enjoy or at least don't absolutely hate

IheartRPatz · 13/10/2010 12:35

I had two hen nights; one was a night around town, just for a few drinks etc. Didn't spend that much from what I can remember. I had another a week later which was in a restaurant, possibly ended up as £30 for a sit down meal, but it allowed grandparents and some 16/17 year old relatives to come out on something they would like/enjoy.
DH had a night around town and a curry.

When my sister got married, they had a join hen/stag party and did go paintballing, but it was probably £30 for the afternoon and then up to the pub for a few drinks. My sister then had a night out at a club, and her partner (film buff) had friends over for a marathon film session and a pizza.

I got married in 04, my sister in 06. It does seem that more recently, its hen "weekends" rather than "nights" and getting more and more costly.

PreciousCargo · 13/10/2010 12:39

Don't go, especially if she hasn't been in touch for a while.

It would make me so miserable to be spending such a lump of money, running around with women you don't know, sore feet, sharing a room with someone who is bound to snore (after 2 bottles of wine and a load of sambucas, or maybe I am a misery!

I'm sure you can think of other ways to spend the money.

If you did go, atleast you'd be glad to be home..

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/10/2010 12:41

I couldn't be arsed with this - not for the cost, but for the time.

I would not waste a day of my precious annual leave on it. And my weekends are pretty much based around seeing DP and DD after being ships that pass in the night all week. A hen weekend would take up too much time which i would resent, so I would not go. What's is wrong with a night out FGS?

olderandwider · 13/10/2010 12:58

Hen nights (clue in the word "nights") should be one great night out where you shout the bride some champagne and boogie til dawn. Any more and it's just excessive imo.

Doigthebountyeater · 13/10/2010 13:25

Got invited to one about 2 years ago where I would have to pay to do an army assault course weekend. WHY???????

Doigthebountyeater · 13/10/2010 13:28

My sister enjoyed her own hen night a little excessively - she shagged her stripper and subsequently her marriage lasted 4 months hehehe! (He ex DH was an arse though, so no bad thing).

JoanHolloway · 13/10/2010 13:32

It is bloody ridiculous. I never go.

Faaamily · 13/10/2010 13:35

I remmeber the huge relief on the faces of my close friends when I made the innovative suggestion of a hen lunch - round at my mum's house, home-cooked food, lots of champagne and not a sniff of cringey game playing, novelty teeshirts, dullard 'pampering' or horrid team building activities.

Oh, and it was free.

PuzzleRocks · 13/10/2010 13:36

Hell fire.

I didn't want a hen do. So I didn't have one. And it was wonderful.

PuzzleRocks · 13/10/2010 13:36

Faamily - now that I could go in for. Sounds perfect.

loveulotslikejellytots · 13/10/2010 13:41

My Hen night was friends and family all round in my Aunties garden, with a few drinks and some cheap buffet food. Fantastic! We ended up playing silly drinking games and they got me a pinyata (sp) which is highly amusing after 8 pints of lager! I knew that the people I most wanted to celebrate with were on a budget, and half of them could only get childcare for one evening, so an expensive weekend away would have meant going on my own!! No point in it then really!!

Friends of mine and DH both had hen and stag weeks... bride went to spain for a week with 'selected' friends cost of £450, which then went up when they missed their flight home and had to pay for another one. Groom cost £500 and was a typical lads weekend. They then had a joint 'hag' do when they got back, which you had to buy t-shirts for (those god awful ones with names, dates and stupid nicknames on) at £14 a pop. Plus taxis, entry into clubs, drinks, food etc...

YANBU - tell her politely no, you will not be going as you have better things to do are saving up for family holiday, new car, redecorating etc.

naughtymummy · 13/10/2010 13:42

I think this is really common in both senses of the word

Flip

1 2 3