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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it hard to sympathise/empathise with a friend whose life is pretty fantastic?

50 replies

Bluebell99 · 12/10/2010 20:08

So I have a friend who lives in a lovely house, husband has a good job which pays really well, she has two children in a good expensive private school. But she appears really depressed and is always negative about everything. I don't see her as much as I used to as I find her negativity brings me down, and she is also very critical.
I have another newer friend, who has a severely disabled child,but is very positive and I can't help thinking that friend 1 should get a grip because there are people in much worse situations. But then I think maybe I am being harsh and people can't help being depressed?!

OP posts:
geordieminx · 12/10/2010 20:10

Maybe all isn't as it seems with rich friend....perhaps her husband beats seven shades of shit out of her every night...

saltyair · 12/10/2010 20:10

Maybe she has depression?

ConnorTraceptive · 12/10/2010 20:11

Having lots of money and nice things doesn't make you immune to depression and who knows what life is like behind closed doors.

Telling someone to get a grip won't help

Faaamily · 12/10/2010 20:12

I can see your point, OP, but I think we owe it to our real friends to try to see things from their perspective and support them when they are finding life tough, even if we think it all seems a bit petty.

How good a friend is she?

thisisyesterday · 12/10/2010 20:13

well yes... nice house, great husband, good school... doesn't automatically make you happy does it?
she may have all sorts going on that you don't know about
depression is depression

onceamai · 12/10/2010 20:14

May be she's just ungrateful and miserable but hey can't you feel a bit sorry for her - she probably can't help it (much). I do recall a similar friend coming round in tears because because she had noted in her diary when to start the folic acid - when her dd hit 21 months and she hadn't conceived at the first cycle. I had quietly just dealt with my second miscarriage and yet still sympathised. She's got fat now and her husband travels rather a lot!

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/10/2010 20:14

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CerealOffender · 12/10/2010 20:14

who mentioned depression. the op simply referred to this women being negative. mn is so po

sarah293 · 12/10/2010 20:14

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Faaamily · 12/10/2010 20:16

lol@Riven

But Cereal, we can't base our support towards friends on a 'don't moan unless your life is worse than mine' principle. That's poo.

DomesticG0ddess · 12/10/2010 20:16

Er, the OP did:
"But she appears really depressed"

saltyair · 12/10/2010 20:16

OP said she 'appears really depressed' cereal

overmydeadbody · 12/10/2010 20:17

As the saying goes, money doesn't buy happiness.

Depression can hit anyone, regardless of their income levels.

allstarsprincess · 12/10/2010 20:17

"appears really depressed" OP did mention it.

ConnorTraceptive · 12/10/2010 20:18

Erm the OP mentioned depression.

Negative people are a drag and they can really bring you down when it's constant

Kitsilano · 12/10/2010 20:18

The OP mentioned depression actually CerealOffender

chandellina · 12/10/2010 20:18

it's nice if everyone can appreciate what they have, no matter how much or little it is. but it doesn't always happen that way.

DomesticG0ddess · 12/10/2010 20:18

How close a friend is she?

Bonsoir · 12/10/2010 20:20

Maybe she and her husband don't get on? Having lots of money and a comfortable lifestyle is great, but if there is little love it won't be much fun.

DomesticG0ddess · 12/10/2010 20:21

Lovely house, private school, husband with good job - doesn't necessarily mean her life is "pretty fantastic". Obviously it's not fantastic if she's depressed, negative and critical.

Kitsilano · 12/10/2010 20:22

Some people are certainly more positive than others and positive people are generally more fun to be around regardless of how well off/privileged they are.

Out of interest can you tell me the level of 'privilege' above which you aren't entitled to experience depression or feel negative and below which you are? Just so if I am having a bad day I can check whether Im allowed...

sarah293 · 12/10/2010 20:23

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cupcakesandbunting · 12/10/2010 20:23

Depression is indiscriminate about who it decides to attack. Stephen Fry is a notorious manic-depressive but what's he got to moan about Hmm

Chemical imbalance, OP. Cannot be helped.

saltyair · 12/10/2010 20:26

I love Stephen Fry. I do. I love him. Grin

Niecie · 12/10/2010 20:26

You seem to be focusing on her possessions - nice house, good income (via husband) private education for the children.

You have said nothing about her relationships. People who are depressed and/or negative are likely to have low self esteem which lead them to become critical and moany. Maybe her husband is an emotional abuser who has destroyed her self esteem. Maybe the children think they are better than her too.

I think her relationships are more likely to be the cause of her depression and money won't necessarily make those better.