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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DS into nursery when I don't work?

57 replies

cornflakequeenie · 11/10/2010 12:38

I feel really torn between this and I don't really know what to do.

I'm on mat leave at the moment and not planning to return to work. We have no family around, some live in London, France and Italy so I don't get a break really, but to be honest at the best of times I don't mind.

We're moving house so we're in the process of trying to have a clear out, we've so much junk it's unreal.

So, AIBU to put my 8 month old into nursery for one morning a week for 6, maybe 9 months so I can the house shaped up and sorted?

Mother thinks I'm being a terrible parent and that I should be hung.

OP posts:
Original poster
cornflakequeenie · 11/10/2010 12:39

oops, so I can get the house shaped up!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/10/2010 12:39

no of course not!

Fibilou · 11/10/2010 12:43

Your mum is being totally U. Moving house is a terribly stressful time and doing it with a small baby must be even harder.
I am one of the most treehugging mums you could hope to find (cosleeping, breastfeeding, terry nappies, general attachment parenting) but I can recognise the effect that nursery has had on my DD (8 months). She is an only child and absolutely loves other children, loves nursery and is really thriving there. I am about to have to have 6 weeks off work through accrued leave while on maternity and have no hesitation in leaving her in nursery on her usual days.

So no, YADNBU. We all need some time away from our LOs - especially if you are doing something that really requires your full attention

mumeeee · 11/10/2010 12:45

No YANBU. It's only for one morning a week not

Original poster
cornflakequeenie · 11/10/2010 12:45

Thanks, I couldn't believe Mum I just thought she'd understand. I also thought it was a good idea but now she's put a doubt in my mind.

Hummph

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 11/10/2010 12:46

YANBU. Ask your mum if she would like to come over one day a week for 6 months to help you get the house sorted/help look after DD if she is not happy about the nursery idea.

PaulineCampbellJones · 11/10/2010 12:47

Not at all! It will be good for you and your baby I would think. My DD loves nursery and I started her before I went back to work to settle her in.
Only thing I would say it that it will be hard to settle at just half a morning a week as they don't get used to going IYSWIM.

tinierclanger · 11/10/2010 12:47

Honestly? I wouldn't do it. Of course it doesn't make you a terrible mother, but I think just one morning a week for a child that age is confusing.

IAPJJLPJ · 11/10/2010 12:48

well said Fibilou!!

i second all that was said!!

my ds2 does to nurery when i work (2 full days per week) and he has started a pre-school on the other mornings and he LOVES it.

The only problem I do see is that the nursery may say she has to do more than one morning for settling in reasons

HeadlessLadyBiscuit · 11/10/2010 12:49

I don't think you're a terrible parent but I do think one morning a week isn't great for a baby. I'd do two or three - otherwise he is going to not remember it from one week to the next and is probably going to get upset.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 11/10/2010 12:49

Absolutely fine imo. If it was for more time I would be a bit judgy (sorry, my neighbour puts her son in 4 days a week, he's 2, and she doesn't work at the mo. ) but mum will have forgotten how hard it is/had help nearby and it's none of her business.

Ragwort · 11/10/2010 12:50

Definately do it - my DS went to a creche twice a week so that I could go the gym when he was six months (they wouldn't take him earlier Grin) and he went to nursery from 2 - and I didn't go to work.

ReadMyLips · 11/10/2010 12:50

Could your DP see about taking a pattern of holiday leave to give him, say, Friday afternoons off for a couple of months? You could get 20 weeks of Friday afternoons for 10 days leave... That would avoid the cost of nursery and be nice for him and DD.

Meglet · 11/10/2010 12:52

YANBU.

DS was at nursery 2 mornings a week while I was on mat leave. Now they are 2 & 3 they are at nursery on my day off each week. I wouldn't get anything done otherwise.

Nursery is a lot more fun than home IME, no cbeebies, lots of friends, more mess can be made and no shouting Blush.

FWIW my mum was worried when I first put DS into nursery, then once she saw what fun it was and how lovely the staff were she offered to pay for more sessions we needed it.

deepheat · 11/10/2010 12:55

Not U in any way. Only suggestion would be to maybe give her a whole day if you can afford it - there are benefits and drawbacks to nurseries (not the time or place for that debate) and I think that your 8-mo might struggle to make the most of the benefits if she is only there for half a day.

Either way, ignore your Mother as much as possible. Why would your little 'un benefit from a permanently stressed, knackered Mum who isn't able to give her as much quality attention because she's running around trying to keep track of what is going in which box etc.

Original poster
cornflakequeenie · 11/10/2010 12:56

Thanks for the comments. ReadMyLips - DH is a self-employed subby, so if he's not at work then he doesn't get paid. It's a nice idea, though.

OP posts:
Sidge · 11/10/2010 12:57

Hell no YANBU.

DD3 goes to nursery on my only day off of the week so I can get all the Boring Stuff done (and go to the gym and have a tiny bit of me-time).

She has a far better time there than she would at home, and I can keep our home from descending into squalor.

We still have plenty of other time together throughout the week and every weekend.

MistyB · 11/10/2010 12:58

My DS has been going to a childminder for three hours a week since he was 9 months so that I can clean the house with no one else around. He's been fine with it and I love this time as I can get things done properly and have a few hours when it is all quiet!!

Also one morning a week has not been a problem. Settling wise, he was fine at the start, then started to cry a bit when she picks him up but is fine within a few minutes, he is happy when he is there and happy when he comes home. He does remember from one week to the next who she is.

My oldest son cried every morning for 6 months at nursery then every morning for another few months with a nanny so I'm not sure any more days would make it any better.

Hedgeblunder · 11/10/2010 12:59

Nbu aaaat all! You are allowed time to yourself! I agree with the whole day suggestion, it will do your baby good to socialise and you'll be much happier and more relaxed- I think it's win-win!

faverolles · 11/10/2010 13:00

When I read the title of this, I was sure there would be a mention of a mother or mil!

YANBU.

gardeningmum05 · 11/10/2010 13:02

YANBU
i would of killed for abit of me time when mine were babies, 4 kids, 2 under 3s and a DH working a minimum of 12 hours.
strangely enough, the youngest now nearly 3 and i hate having the house to myself..not that is it is very often (grin)

faverolles · 11/10/2010 13:03

Sorry - just thought I'd add, a lady at school is PG with her 2nd baby. Her first went to a nursery from 2 weeks old from 7.30am til 6.30 pm. She had a weekend nanny, and didn't work. She plans to do the same with the next baby.
Not judging at all, each to their own, but I think I can safely say that a morning a week at nursery for an 8 month old will be great for your baby, and will give you much needed time to do whatever you need to do (even if it's to go to bed for a morning)

PoorlyConstructed · 11/10/2010 13:04

You're not being unreasonable, but many nurseries won't take your son for less than 2 sessions (so one full day, or two mornings/afternoons) because so it can be very difficult for children to settle with only one session at nursery. You may, therefore, want to put him in for two mornings a week.

katieandisabelle · 11/10/2010 13:07

faverolles. I am glad you aren't judging as I am :) Lol sorry but is there any point in her having these babies if she is not with them for most of the day and then bedtime?

vbusymum1 · 11/10/2010 13:10

I don't work every week but I use a nursery for a day each week just to keep on top of stuff.

I was also going to say the same as poorlyconstructed, I don't think a private nursery will do just one morning so you might need to think about the cost.