To put DS into nursery when I don't work?

[cornflakequeenie]

I feel really torn between this and I don't really know what to do.

I'm on mat leave at the moment and not planning to return to work. We have no family around, some live in London, France and Italy so I don't get a break really, but to be honest at the best of times I don't mind.

We're moving house so we're in the process of trying to have a clear out, we've so much junk it's unreal.

So, AIBU to put my 8 month old into nursery for one morning a week for 6, maybe 9 months so I can the house shaped up and sorted?

Mother thinks I'm being a terrible parent and that I should be hung.

what I'd want to know is: what is she doing with all her time if she had the son in nursery for 11 hours a day, plus a weekend nanny and not working?

poorly contructed I agree! I mean what can she do with all that time?!

I think its an excellent idea, but I would do 2 mornings (or 2 afternoons) My DD (2.8) does 10.30 - 2pm 5 days a week and has done since she was 18 months old and thrives on it. I do all the boring stuff like queue in the bank, clean etc and she gets to have fun with her friends. Makes our time together much more fun as I can concentrate on her. Also second, no cbeebies etc.

How about a mothers help type person.

When I was struggling with mine - 6 months and 2 and a half years I found a lovely lady who loved babies. She came in and helped out with baby, had lots of experience which I could learn from and was quite flexible so we could change days etc...
Baby was in familiar environment, got to bond with one other person and was very happy.

Or a child minder - nursuries mean different carers, different children etc...

I would say, YANBU if you can prise them off you. Mine both were very attached at this age (less so as tiny babies) and getting them to go to others was a real struggle between about 10 months and 18 months. I did one day a week for my second with a childminder, and she used to say 'no X's' when she was old enough...

So, YANBU to want a break, they may love it as many people's babies do on here but be prepared that some babies just don't love being away from you at this age, and one morning won't be enough to make it a routine and get nursery to be fun for them. If they do love it, great!

I went back to work when DS was 6 months 3 days a week, I got made redundent when he was 7 months I talked to my DH and pointed out I would go CRAZY doing full time childcare for 5 days a week. DS continued going to nursery for 1.5 days and still goes 1 day a week now he is 2. Personally I would put your DC in for at least 2 sessions but apart from that YANBU.

I may have meant 'over-attached' at this age, I'm sure the other babies who didn't fuss are attached, mine were like sticky glue (or at least unhappy when me, my husband or my mum weren't in sight).

PC and katieandisabelle - of course I judged (said in a whisper) but this is MN, you're not allowed to judge!

The baby went in to nursery to have his breakfast, came home in time for bath and bed. Even now he's 6, he goes to a childminder for breakfast, and comes home after he's had tea.

Apparently, after she'd had him, she realised she wasn't maternal at all, so this seemed the best solution. She's having another, because she doesn't want her ds to be without a sibling.

A friend is a manager of our local nursery, and sadly, this scenario is quite common :(
The worst was when they had a famous mother and her baby - the mother rarely saw the baby, but often appeared in Hello, and other such quality mags, as a fantastic, hands-on Mum.

yanbu but your dc may find it hard to settle (my dd had really bad separation anxiety at that age and so even though i needed her in nursery for work i took her out and worked in the evenings and when she slept). Can you get someone like an au pair to come in a help both with clearing out and with the child care.

My DS is in nursery 2 days a week, and I don't even have any work on, on some of my days off! I have felt guilty, on and off, for this, because (a) it's uncomfortable that we can afford it and (b) I feel a bit guilty for the time.

However:
(1) It has improved our relationship no end, for me to have some time to do things fo rmyself, housework, admin (e.g. paying bills), seeing people without him in tow, shopping without him, etc.

(2) He has gone through loooong phases of crying demonstratively at my departure, but he can't cry and mope all day long, because there are things he knows and does now that he could only know and do if he learned/did them at nursery. This includes singing, painting/craft and puzzles. Nursery has got lots of toys we don't have space for, and he sees other kids and is being nicely socialised. Social eating is a big thing there, too.

(3) This is probably a d--- sight less disruptive than have a babysitter, yet a babysitter might be seen as more acceptable to your mother, so you see, any guilt is being enhanced a little bit artificially here, isn't it?!

As long as you are happy with the nursery/childminder in the first place, leaving your child in a safe environment without you is not truly dreadful.

There are only a couple of caveats to this:
(1) no nursery I looked at would take a child for less than 2 days.
(2) 8 months old can be the height of separation anxiety, so it would be a hard time to manage it. Sorry!

As for your mother, why is she guilt-tripping you about being a terrible mother instead of saying or doing something helpful?

P.S. We moved when DS was 8/9 months, but what with crawling and getting into all the boxes, and my being afraifd I would drop something on him, it would have been good to have had him out of the way!

YANBU at all. It is a nursery, not a coal mine. If you choose the nursery carefully it'd be a good experience for ds, I promise (I did the same.)

Faverolls - this woman sounds weird! She realised she wasn't maternal?! Nice for the kid!

YANBU. DS went to nursery full time at 8 months and loves loves loves it. Occasionally I'd use a day of annual leave to get something done around the house, and DS would still go to nursery. It feels a bit weird to be home without him, but it is so freeing to rush around the house getting stuff done quickly, without a baby clinging to your leg/trying to climb up the stairs/emptying drawers/screaming for boob.

I'm just about to drop to part time working from home (contract ended), but he will continue at nursery 3 mornings a week (13.5 months now).

I think I've found one - they'll take him from 8:30am - 12:30pm on Friday mornings. They have a satisfactory Ofsted report and want £17 per week.

Do you think that's a lot to pay? I've absolutley no idea what I'm doing, so I don't know if that's a good price or not. DH seems to think it's a lot for just a morning.

of course not!!Why not do 3 days? Then you'd really get stuff sorted

That's a good price cornflake.

Hope he settles ok. My DS never really got into the swing of nursery, one morning a week wasn't enough for him to get used to it at that age, but I was in part time work and that was all we could afford.

Oh, and YANBU. If your mom doesn't have any helpful suggestions, she should be keeping her opinions to herself. She sounds just like my mum. I think they have very selective memories.

I think that's a good price. My only caveat is that 1 morning a week might not be enough for your ds to get used to this new environment.

Yep that's quite reasonable. But seriously, I really think you should do two mornings.

Good that you've found one that will do just one morning per week. You haven't said where in the country you are (I assume not London from your op) but I think £17 for 4 hours is quite high unless that's the price for a full half day (7.30 til 1 at my nursery) and you're just choosing to do 4 hours.

Yanbu

I live in Cambs vbusy.

I know what you're saying about doing two mornings. DH has only just agreed to this, he's made me feel like I'm already taking the piss just asking for one morning off.

I'm not sure if I qualify for childcare vouchers, but the place I@m looking at does accept them.

cornflake, you're quite a way from me so I guess prices are different.

You will qualify for nursery funding when your DC is 3 (assuming things aren't cut by then). Childcare vouchers are provided by employers so that staff can save some NI contributions by having vouchers instead of part of their salary. I think you said your DH is self employed so it won't be an option for him but might be for you in the future.

If you are being unreasonable then so am I! DD goes for 2 days a week. She started when she was 16 months. It allows me time at home to do things like cleaning and cooking plus I go swimming once a week. Then I get time with DS on his own after school.

DS went 4 days a week as I returned to work when he was a year old. He loved it. I intended going back to work after DD but by then DS was at school and I could not find suitable childcare - mainly problem with holidays. So, I didn't go back after mat leave. I could not face being SAHM all day every day. Like a previous post, yes I do feel guilty that we can afford it. BUT it is giving DD no end of confidence. She is making friends and I feel happier when I am with her.

I think that it is good for both mother and child - so enjoy it if you can!

I'm an expat and it is normal here to send kids to nursery part time (usually three mornings a week) from about a year old. When your mother had you did she have any family support? bet she did or she would appreciate why you're considering it.

Be aware it might be hard though. My son changed nurseries at about 8 months and there were a lot of tears at drop off!