To think that now my mum has admitted she has a problem with alcohol...

[CardyMow]

And that she wants to do something about it, that I might actually be able to do something to help her? She has even told me the reason why she is drinking too much. SHe has admitted that the reason I only see her once/twice a year is because a) she's too drunk to drive, so can't drive the 30 miles to see me, and b) she doesn't want my dc to see her drunk. It's been about 3/4 years that she's really had a problem, but I felt that until she wanted hel and asked for it, it wouldn't have been worth trying to help.

A lot of it is to do with her fears over geting breast cancer..which aren't unfounded given the family history. My mum's mum had breast cancer 6 years ago, she got the all-clear just under a year ago, first person in family to survive. My great-aunt (mum's mums sister) died at 42 of ovarian cancer, secondary to breast cancer. THEIR mum also died of breast cancer.

The fear of it is taking over my mum's life, and she is drinking to block it out. SHe went to see a consultant 3 yrs ago, who refused to do genetic tests for the breast cancer gene on her.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can best help my mum now she has admitted she has a problem with alcohol and wants to change it?

perhaps maybe push for the gentic test again, explain the alcohol problem and the stress it is causing.

wishing you mum all the luck in the world and hope she becomes the nan she wants to be

I think www.al-anonuk.org.uk/Al-Anon]], for relatives of those with drinking issues, might be the best place to ask. Best of luck. :)

first of all, don't think that she will do it for you or your dc- you'll get hurt and get very frustrated (from experience)

Pop to the gp with her and talk about it there, my mum found rehabilitation and AA very very helpful.
If you can, ask her to tell you about any hiding places she keeps alcohol, this way you can be prepared if you find any.
If you ever want to chat about it please feel free to pm me, I went through the same thing five years ago.
I really hope it works out for you, let us know how you get on xxx

Most areas have some kind of counselling provision for people with alcohol problems, and it sounds as though your Mum is really ready to address what's going on. Ask the GP or local information services such as CAB what's provided in your area. It's hard and she will probably need as much support as possible. It's also often possible to get support as a relative of an alcoholic too, as it can be tough helping someone through this. Good luck.

Goodness, poor lady. The irony of this is the increased risk of developing cancer for those who drink more than their recommended units (I think you double your chances, hence the recommended units - its not all about the liver!)

Might not work for the genetic kind though, not sure how it works. Perhaps in the sorting through of this problem in her head with her you can try and help her see alchohol as an enemy of health and a beckoner of cancer. It might not work that way of course, she might be beyond that so sorry if that advice sounds trite.

It's a bit dificult, as she lives 30 miles away, and I don't drive. I can get to hospital appointments with her because they would be in MY town, but she wil have to go to the GP herself, I can't get the bus there when I have to drop the dc at school.

She doesn't hide alcohol...she has always been fairly open about it! And even so, its practically impossible for me to get to HER house. Al-anon might help. I don't know if my mum would go to counselling, she has too many unresolved issues from the past, and she says she doesn't believe in counselling.

Realistically, you can only support your mother in what she decides to do. But beware of vague promises. If she says things like 'I must do something about it'... pin her down to exactly what she means by 'something' and then support the action she takes to the best of your ability. She may not like the idea of counselling, GPs or AA initially - many prefer to try to manage things solo to start off with and see outside help as intrusive - so bear that in mind

She seems adamant that she is going to go and talk to her GP. So I am seeing that as a first step. I am going to speak to her later this afternoon and see if she has booked an appointment.

That's actually the best policy... Be interested in what she's doing, ask if she needs specific help and tell her how proud you are of her with every small milestone achieved. If the GP angle doesn't fit then you can gently suggest other ideas. It's a daunting task to admit to a problem like this and a very lonely journey (to use that awful term) thereafter. Moral support is the best you can offer.

I've both lived with an alcoholic family member and am now in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic, but I found the support threads on here really increased my insight into a subject I'm probably more knowledgeable about than the man in the street. I think you could find them very helpful to read and I'll see if I can link to them (haven't tried that yet ...). The opening post links to the historical threads and I read the original one before jumping to the most recent one:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1058640-The-Brave-Babes-Battle-Bus-Carry-On-Past-The-Offy

Good luck - to both you & your Mum.