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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate when women talk like their husband is a pervert for wanting sex?

73 replies

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/10/2010 13:30

I love my husband. I like having sex with him. It really doesn't feel at all like a chore.

I understand that people aren't always in the mood.

I understand that two minutes after giving birth, most women won't feel like it.

But it really, really gets my goat when women talk like their husband is some kind of weirdo for wanting to have sex with them.

Anyone else?

OP posts:

TheProvincialLady · 10/10/2010 15:55

You do realise that when people moan about their husbands wanting sex too often, they are not talking about you or your husband? Why don't you stop talking about your friends' sex lives with them, and then you won't have to be annoyed/judgemental?

Mumcentreplus · 10/10/2010 15:56

Well none my friends feel that way...

I think you feel this way because the group of friends you have seem to not act like this and its pissing you off...it would piss be off too..if you are in a happy fulfilled relationship is hard when others around you are not ...you might be accused of flaunting

Mumcentreplus · 10/10/2010 15:58

I agree arses.. [nosey]

Heracles · 10/10/2010 16:00

It's only ever hostile if they're disagreeing with the OP I notice. Funny that...

purplepeony · 10/10/2010 16:07

You lot are funny.
I rarely come onto this AIBU forum because...
it is full of people calling OPs judgy just because they happen to diagree with them, the OP!

Why is it judgy to have an opinion about anyone's behaviour?

The way some of you react it's as if you never have an opinion about anything and spend all your lives saying "whatever..." in a languid way, through some kind of alcoholic haze, stretched out on your sofa!

Yet the irony of it all is, you are coming onto an AIBU forum, which by its very nature is based on people airing their judgements.

Can't those of you who accuse others of being judgy see that you are in fact exactly the same- you simply have another point of view?

OP- if I were you, I'd confront my friends about their comments and ask them why they don't want their DHs advances. Usually it's because they are pissed off with some aspect of their behaviour or, they just aren't fussed about sex- whereas you are.

dementedma · 10/10/2010 16:12

don't think DH is "weird" but we have a very mismatched libido and yes, I wish he would want it a hell of a lot less because for me, its a chore. it has caused us untold problems and stress - God knows how we are still together after 25 years of arguing over the damn subject.

fatlazymummy · 10/10/2010 16:37

Personally I would just let it go in one ear, and out of the other.I really can't understand why the OP would 'hate it ' when her friends say this. I presume they just don't enjoy their sex lives quite as much as the OP does.

minxofmancunia · 10/10/2010 16:40

YABU,you may be able to fit a satisfying mutually enjoyable sex life into your life but for a lot of women the reality is that it can become another chore, another thing to fit in and sometimes when you're working, organising the childcare, keeping on top of the housework, organising all the household admin, making the packed lunches, responding and sorting all the birthday/wedding etc. invitations, buying the gifts, doing the food shopping, making the tea, school stuff (and in my case doing an Msc too) you get knackered demoralised, exhausted and don't have much of a libido, hmm funny that? . And being pestered on top of all that is the final b*dy straw.

I don't discuss my sex life with my friends, as many of them are friends with dh too, it would be disrespectful. And IMO there's nothing more boring or yawnsome that the long term couple who have to make a huge show of how they're still "hot" for each other after all these years. Dull dull dull. I have a friend who's always bragging about this and I find it particularly petty and immature.

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/10/2010 16:49

minx, I wasn't saying that I don't understand why people don't want to have sex all the time.

I was referring to three people I know who speak as though their husbands are perverts for wanting sex.

Perhaps I'm not as 'zen' as some because I find it a little mean.

I'm not saying these women are bad people or anything. Just personally, I would be offended if my DH thought I was some kind of perv for wanting to make love to him.

OP posts:

Bigmouthstrikesagain · 10/10/2010 17:00

Heathcliff if you ask a question in AIBU - then expect people to disagree and do not be surprised ... it is no more your place to decide how much people are allowed to disagree with you than it is anyone elses place to say how bothered you are allowed to be by something - unless of course you ask them to!

Tchoh... if you can't stand the heat etc. etc. blah blah you get my drift!

JoanHolloway · 10/10/2010 17:03

I think it's just a kind of misplaced boasting tbh

OrmRenewed · 10/10/2010 17:08

Nope. I think it's none of my business.

ScaryFucker · 10/10/2010 17:13

Heathcliff, two problems here I think

nothing, repeat nothing is ever "light" in AIBU
for some women less fortunate than yourself, perhaps those struggling with other RL issues, again the issue of someone judging other people's sex lives is very far from "light"

HTH

snoozathon · 10/10/2010 17:44

I suspect this might be a thread about this thread

I didn't much like your 'I like having sex with my DH' - I felt it insinuated that the other posters on the thread didn't which isn't the case - I'm sure the vast, vast majority of women both refuse sex occasionally and are refused sex occasionally. No-one was suggesting their DHs were perverts for wanting to

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/10/2010 17:49

Nope, not about that thread. That thread did remind me, but this strictly refers to people I know.

Nobody called anyone anything in that thread.

I wasn't trying to imply anything about anyone else there.

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 10/10/2010 17:55

BTW If a man nags and sulks about not getting sex then he may not be a pervert, but he is a selfish little twat!

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 10/10/2010 18:02

I agree completely, Orm!

OP posts:

loveinsuburbia · 10/10/2010 19:32

Whoa, I really think you're being just a little thin-skinned. I've just reread all the comments to see if there was something I had missed and I genuinely can't see that anyone is being hostile, violent in expressing their opinion, het-up or assuming the worst of you.

I only suggested that maybe people who were saying this may be in the situation I described because the only people I've ever heard say that are in that situation. I've never heard anyone else say the things you're talking about so no, I wasn't 'assuming the worst' about you. It was based on what I know about other people who've said similar.

shimmerysilverghosty · 10/10/2010 19:37

Oh I like hearing about others peoples problematic sex lives, makes me feel a bit better about my own non-existent one!

I sort of think though that if someone really is that against having sex with their dh then there are probably other issues in the relationship, or he is just really rubbish in bed!

shimmerysilverghosty · 10/10/2010 19:38

Mind you I get thoroughly bored within about 6 months of a long term relationship, doesn't everyone?

ScaryFucker · 10/10/2010 20:28

shimmery, no

but that is not to say, you are not cut out for long term r'ships

some just are not, some people find a good'un and stick around

sayithowitis · 10/10/2010 23:02

No, Shimmery, not at all. Some people do and clearly you are one of them. Some people find their long term relationship continues to be fun and exciting for many years. I am in the latter group.

Although I love the fact that DH knows exactly what pushes my buttons, so to speak, I also love the fact that even after almost 30 years, we can still manage to surprise each other.

Neither way is right or wrong, just right or wrong for individuals.

PinkieMinx · 10/10/2010 23:19

Yes it is odd to talk about your DH like a pervert for wanting sex with you. IMO - other posters are now adding their own twist to your reasonable post.

I find it equally odd when H's make comments about never getting sex. I have 2 friend's whose H's make 'jokes' about thier non-sex lives.

Why does anyone feel the need to air their love life in public? I don't want my friends to slag of their H's for wanting sex, as much as I don't want H's to slag my friends off. I also don't want to hear about what they did or how many times. I don't mind silly innuendo or having a laugh but hostility/nasty comments just make others feel awkward.

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