To hate when women talk like their husband is a pervert for wanting sex?

[HeathcliffMoorland]

I love my husband. I like having sex with him. It really doesn't feel at all like a chore.

I understand that people aren't always in the mood.

I understand that two minutes after giving birth, most women won't feel like it.

But it really, really gets my goat when women talk like their husband is some kind of weirdo for wanting to have sex with them.

Anyone else?

Call me a prude, but I wouldn't have that kind of conversation in real life. Where do you find these people?

In prudish old Catholic Ireland, Loopy!

You need to insist on a "no sex" rule for your conversations then!

With good friends and lots of wine you can have the sex convo...

Unless the conversation still "really, really gets your goat"...in which case you probably haven't drunk enough vino

I've heard women friends say this. Usually it is mis-matched libidos, or they are having an "off" time with their DHs when they just aren't into them that much- can happen in long marriages.

Loupy- do you really no t have sex chats with your friends? My friends and I talk about it a lot- how often, what we like etc etc.
Maybe we are weird.

Eeek - no, definitely don't have conversations about what I like, or how often. There are some things about my friends and their husbands that I really don't need to know

I know a few people whose husbands are really obsessive about sex and it's actually all just quite wrong. Not a case of mismatched libidos, but where the husband has a problem and couldn't really care less whether their wife wanted sex or not and where they are generally are sex pests in an inappropriate and massively annoying way. If I were married to someone like that, I'd DTMFA but it's quite possible that these people are in relationships with someone like that.

I think you're being completely unreasonable. It's great that you're happy with your sex life, but when other women aren't you hate it that they say so rather than hating the fact they're unhappy? It's none of your business, but if you care then do you speak to them and offer them advice or a listening ear?

Again with the assuming the worst and assuming the worst of the OP!

What is it with this place?

Outside of bad relationships, I have never heard any of my friends say things like that

Swapping funny stories etc, yes

Calling their P's perverts and wanting it chopped off, no

Yet again, it's not so upsetting. It's mildly annoying.

I find it a bit hypocritical that people are getting annoyed that I'm annoyed. Equally, why does it annoy you that I'm annoyed about something?

Mainly, I feel a bit sorry for the husbands.

We're talking men who want it once a week, here. Not ten times a night.

I've only heard women, incl me, say their DH is a pita for wanting sex when they're pg or have just had a baby. Or in my case, I feel sorry for DH.

But I don't know anyone who finds their DH "weird" for wanting sex with them - surely it would only be weird if they didn't want to have sex??

Heathcliff, what do you want us to say?

'Ooh, yes, those women do sound terrible, they should all be locked up, how dare they not have such fine and obliging libidos as yours?'

'What an odd thing to be bothered about.'

I could equally say that about you being bothered by this thread!

'Heathcliff, what do you want us to say?'

I wasn't looking for anything in particular - just was hoping for a bit less crossness!

This place can be very interesting, but people get FAR too het up!

'Bored... too ill'

Hope you feel better soon!

Well, yes, but you see, when you post a thread some people do consider it the done thing to reply. If you don't want 'anything in particular', why bother posting?

I'm only 'het up' (or rather, bemused), because you've twice said that everyone is assuming the worst of you, when really no-one has said anything very offensive about you. If you're looking for a bunfight why not just join in with one of the politics threads, there's at least two going in AIBU right now.

You're not getting very far Heathcliff because your op just doesn't "chime" with many posters, it seems. Those of us who are out of kilter (ahem hem) with our dh/dps' sex drives just feel anxious and guilty about it. It pisses us off and we wish things were more harmonious. I have never thought or said that my dh is perverted for wanting sex more often than once in a blue moon a week and I've never ever heard anyone else say that either.

I'm not looking for any fight!

What I meant about assuming the worst is the way people respond with things about how I may not understand how awful things really are... should have a word with friends, etc.

It's more of a feeling that people think I'm being heartless/completely misinterpreting the situation, etc... Not necessarily judging me as a person, but they're still being a bit... overreactive.

I just find the place a bit hostile sometimes. It can be very enlightening, but a thread started about a relatively light topic can quite easily transform.

And I've no problem with disagreement.

It's just that people don't have to disagree so vioently!

Ah, it's all relative. I've been with dh 12 years. I remember my sister once looking at me in absolute horror when I said sometimes (ahem) I didn't feel like it. She was having a moan about a friend who had, I guess, made a comment like you mention and asked me how anyone ever could have enough of sex.

That was three years ago. She's over the at-it-like-bunny-rabbits stage now and told me with a wry smile she understands now what I meant. We've just got over our post-baby drought and I stared at her in absolute horror when she said sometimes (ahem) she doesn't feel like it...

Life is long, monogamy longer. Peaks and troughs for everyone. Sometimes it's a pain when your partner wants it and you don't and vice versa. Not worth concerning yourself about OP.