Siblings party ettiqute

[tjacksonpfc]

Aibu to think that if one of your dcs get invited to a school friends birthday party, you dont naturally assume it inccludeds there siblings aswell.

There is a group of us at the school today who are all good friends as are our dcs, they are all in the same class apart from my dd who is older.

There was a party today that all the dcs were invited to including my older dd.

However there are a few parents who come in drop all the dcs off even if only one of them is invited and leave before anyone has a chance to say anything. Am i wrong in thinking this is totaly unreasonable.

My ds is having his birthday in a play centre soon and ive booked it for 10 children as that is all he wants. But what i dont want is the parents assuming that all children are invited and just dumping and running before i get the chance to say anything.

They can of course pay for there other dcs to go in to the play centre but they wont be able to come into the party room and have any food.

Is it just me being unreasonable or does anyone else find this unacceptable.

Iliketosleep - I am glad you asked that question. I am also wondering if mummychicken has stolen other posters puppies/eaten their last piece of chocolate/destroyed their child's fabourite toy.
Her complaint was simply a variant of the OP's - I don't personally see the difference between a family member bringing an older child uninvited or a friend doing exactly the same thing. Both situations are presumptuous. There may be an argument for the parents of the older child asking if they could bring the 6 year-old as he/she was upset at not being invited. But equally the 6 year old is old enough for an explanation about the party just being for the babies, not for big boys/girls.

In any event, mummychicken didn't throw them out into the street, screaming "take your spawn of satan child away and never darken my door again", did she? She put up with it and had a moan on MN. Bad mummychicken, bad!

I think it's it's inconsiderate to just pitch up with an extra child at parties without letting the host/s know unless it's a last minute thing.

DD recently had her third birthday party and I sent the invitations out with a note saying that siblings were very welcome but could the parents please let me know so that we had enough party bags, etc.

I'd never leave my three year old at a party on her own
mummychicken - how would you watch my three year old when she needs the loo and all the other 3 yr olds.

This really bugs me too. My ds is 5 and his best friends little brother stays at every party (with his mum) but ends up joining in and eating the food, then the mum of the child whose party it is gets in a tiz when he kicks off as she has no party bag for him. He shouldn't be there - end of!

YANBU
If the party is in a hall, then I RSVP with "ds1 would love to come to xxx party, but can I bring ds2?" If it's on soft play, then I reply "ds1 would love to come to xxx party, but can I bring ds2 and I will pay for his entry"

No-one has ever had a problem with this, and the times that ds1 has gone to parties at soft play, ds2 has also been invited. (Seems he now part of ds1 gang of friends )

I would not have an issue if ds1 recieved an invite with "no siblings", and I wouldn't have a problem with stating it on future parties for both ds.

But mummychicken inviting one cousin, but not the other, when they are siblings I don't know the family history, but talk about adding fuel to the fire! And I would be mortified if only one of my ds were invited to a family party. In fact, don't think I would bother going at all.

I've got my DD2's 2nd birthday party next week and to avoid difficulties, I've asked those who live locally if they could just bring the 2 year olds along (even though older siblings are my DD1's best friends). It's a hard decision, and I've said to a friend who has to travel a long way to get here that her two can come, and my nearby friends are actually having to share out their childcare (one mum is coming with the two kids from the two families, the other mum is looking after the two older kids). Feel bad about it as it seems a bit mean, but my friends were very understanding...

Doing it for three reasons;
a) eight two-year olds plus about 5 older ones (cousins and the ones living further away) is more than enough in our small house (especially if parents come too)
b) trying to set a precedent so DCs realise they can have their own friends at their own parties but can't assume to have them also at sibling's parties
c) Have a 3rd DC on the way, and need to start not having 3 lots of invitees to every one party

annec555 I think I love you!!

bigchris I wasn't on my own, I had DH and a friend to help.

I see that the reason I've been vilified here is because I didn't invite a sibling cousin. Please note I have said earlier that I had a conversation with the Mum who was in agreement that the 6 year old should not come. She is aware of her 6 year olds behaviour towards DS. I also didn't mind if a parent felt they had to stay to look after their kid - again as I have previously said I was peed off BOTH parents decided to stay. I did the polite thing of feeding them, trying to include the 6yo. As annec555 said, I didn't have a hissy fit at the time but posted on an anonymous website to have a little whinge.

3 is young for a drop off party but they are all children I have babysat for and parents I know well. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a 3 yo with a stranger, but that was not the case here.

As for the family thing - it was DH's suggestion not to invite the 6 yo to the 3 yo b-day, but to have a family thing later in the evening, which I didn't mention as everryone who was invited attended and no-one gatecrashed

Where does it end with family? Should you invite a 17 yo cousin to a 5yo b-day? Seems a bit daft IMO

I think it depends on circumstances & the age of the child.

But of course the parent should ask if it´s OK to bring a child.

But 3 I think is young to assume that children will just be left.

Well Ive had my first parent who said they aren't coming as only her ds is invited. I told her that her other dcs would be able to go into the play area but she would have to pay for them and buy them food there, due to me having booked and paid for 10 dcs.

I even said that i would make sure her other dcs got a bit of cake to take home but that wasn't good enough. Her response was if 1 goes they all go, oh well it means my ds can choose another friend from his class to invite instead.

Don't get me wrong if i could afford to invite all 30 from his class I would but at £8 per head its just impossible. So what he has done is invited his close friends. Seems i'm being unreasonable. I'm sure ill live with it.

In my oppinion, I think that if you invite just the child and do not require the parent to stay then it is only reasonable that the child and the child only comes.

However, if you invite the child and the parent you should be aware that the parent may struggle to get a sitter for other children and either stipulate no siblings on the invite or be open to them coming.

I wouldn't want a child at my DCs party who had bullied my child. The party is supposed to be fun for the child whose party it is and having someone there that they don't get along with kind of negates the purpose of the party.

I wouldn't leave my child in a public play centre (or anywhere at 3 years old), so would be one of those parents who stayed. I see no harm in taking other siblings to a public place, but would pay for them/supervise them/supply their food. They would be seperate to the party. Very rude for a parent to drop off uninvited children and run!

I would feel bad though if you your dh or your friend had to wipe my three year old's bottom , lol

I don't invite all DD's cousins to her parties as the age range is too vast.

The kind of thing I'd do at a 3 years olds party isn't what a child of 8 upwards wants to do, although they still want to come. I just go by the kind of rule that if DD goes to the cousins party, then they in turn are invited to hers. Just makes things easier.

I dont mind parents staying, but if they just left their other children there without asking, to be honest I'd call them and ask if they could come and collect them. That's very cheeky!

OP YANBU

I think that parent will find that, with that attitude, her dcs may not get many party invites.

" Her response was if 1 goes they all go"

how rude is that?!

I have no option but to take all three of mine if the youngest gets invited to a party but I pay for them to play and I feed them myself. Often they sit in a corner ŵith a DS or iTouch.

Often soft play parties have a "guest list" ie the invited child's name is on the party list which gets ticked as they arrive( and often given a name badge, if siblings arrive - the parents would need to pay entrance. I have done this when dd2 invited to a party and ds was too young to be left alone, paid for him to play (he was older- made it clear to him not to "crash" the party) it was fine, however, not all guests arrive so hosts kindly invited him to join in meal.

However one party venue local to me (a farm) expects all adults to pay (a not inconsiderate sum) which causes problems if party is for young children, too young to leave at party but you have to fork out massive amount just to supervise your child

bigchris luckily I know all the kids are after tea poo-ers

i completely agree with Cat64's post of 00:07.

in the past if DC1 has received an invite i've had to take DC2 (baby at the time) with me but have ALWAYS asked if the hostess minds and that i completely understand if its a problem (Baby was in a sling so of course they wouldn't say no but still polite to ask).

If it was a problem (which so far it hasn't been and DC2 is a toddler now) then i'd say very pleasantly that we couldn't make it and take both DC off and do something nice as a treat.

i also would pay the extra for my univited child if at soft play and get their own food.

Would never in a million years assume that both children were invited.