Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings party ettiqute

71 replies

tjacksonpfc · 09/10/2010 20:43

Aibu to think that if one of your dcs get invited to a school friends birthday party, you dont naturally assume it inccludeds there siblings aswell.

There is a group of us at the school today who are all good friends as are our dcs, they are all in the same class apart from my dd who is older.

There was a party today that all the dcs were invited to including my older dd.

However there are a few parents who come in drop all the dcs off even if only one of them is invited and leave before anyone has a chance to say anything. Am i wrong in thinking this is totaly unreasonable.

My ds is having his birthday in a play centre soon and ive booked it for 10 children as that is all he wants. But what i dont want is the parents assuming that all children are invited and just dumping and running before i get the chance to say anything.

They can of course pay for there other dcs to go in to the play centre but they wont be able to come into the party room and have any food.

Is it just me being unreasonable or does anyone else find this unacceptable.

OP posts:
roadkillbunny · 09/10/2010 22:02

YADNBU, the invite is for the child named only.
I only take both my children to a party if they are both officially invited. A few weeks ago 2 year old ds was invited to a party, the invite only named him not 5 year old dd so I made arrangements for dd to come to work with me while dh took ds to the party, the family did say to me that dd would be welcome to go as they know it is a working day for me but I felt that dd needs so understand that ds has his own life and friends and there have been many a time I have dragged a screaming ds away from a party she was attending, she was quite chuffed to come to work with me anyway, I guess the point I am trying to make is that parties are not childcare, there is normally a limit to how many children can attend, food and party bags have been sorted going by the children who have actually been invited, activities have been planned around the age of the party child (a good example of this is dd attended a pony party recently, numbers were important as only so many ponies and if I had rocked up with my 2 year old it would have put a massive spanner in the works).

esti1 · 09/10/2010 22:06

i had party at soft play for 4yr old two younger children and one older payed to attend venue. i actually payed an extra 1.50 each to give the 3 extras ice cream. no one expected it and two paents requeszted to leave invited children and i said i would rather they did not...thete was more than enough food food for snatchers paents included

mummychicken who said you where wicked witch, this obviously an example of your tendancy towards hugh over reaction...hence your great offence at children daring to have the freedom to be bold enough to think they have the god given right to have fun without your permission!!!

mummychicken · 09/10/2010 22:12

esti1 WTF?

Why would Hugh over react? What has he done?Lighten up, I don't actually eat children for breakfast either.

mumeeee · 09/10/2010 22:14

YANBU. You only invite one child not a whole family.

nancydrewrocked · 09/10/2010 22:15

TBH we have never been to a party at a soft play (although have just booked DD's 6th birthday party at one so will see how that goes!)

Of the 30-40 or so parties the DC's have been to they have virtually all been in halls and I would say the vast majority of parents who stay bring younger (so under 4/5)children with them. Personally I have never considered this to be an issue. The parent is there so the child is their responsibility and an extra sandwich and a handful of crisps is not going to cause a disaster.

Just out of curiosity what do single parents do and what would the UABU mums expect them to do?

esti1 · 09/10/2010 22:17

mummychicken reply sums it up...no more said on the matter, lol lol lol!!! grandeur

alicet · 09/10/2010 22:25

nancydrewrocked I don't think there is anything wrong with single parents calling / texting to say 'Lily would love to come but unfortunately it will only be possible if I can bring Jack too as I am a single parent and don't have anyone else I could leave him with'. Or even 'it will only be possible if i can bring her brother jack too as i don't have anyone I could leave him with 'without all the personal details.

Then its up to the people hosting the party whether they are happy with this or not. Imho there is nothing wrong with ASKING if a sib can comebut there is everything wrong with ASSUMING or EXPECTING that they can come or getting in a strop if the host says sorry they cannot.

As to whether I would say yes or no would depend on whether I knew the sib in question and how much my ds wanted the child to come as well as whether it was practical (we could have ended up with about 10 extra children to ds2s party taking it from 13 to 23 in our house if we had included sibs - clearly not practical).

iliketosleep · 09/10/2010 22:30

YANBU OP

Erm, I'm not sure if i'm missing something but what has mummychicken actually done or said for people to turn on her like that?

Garcia10 · 09/10/2010 22:34

mummychicken - I can't believe your post. Are you honestly stating that you invited one of your dc's cousins to the party and not the other? If so you are absolutely being unreasonable regardless of her behaviour to your ds. Of course siblings of your ds' friends aren't invited, but their own cousin?! I'd hate to be a member of your family if you exclude family members from your child's party. What strange behaviour.

redmoooon · 09/10/2010 23:00

mummychicken it was not a personal attack it was my opinion, i am allowed one you know Wink

you are behaving like a stroppy teenager!!! nuff said.

everythingiseverything · 09/10/2010 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Manda25 · 09/10/2010 23:52

Not a door mat x 2 on one post. I think you protest too much. I feel sorry for your child.. really I do .

CommonSenseSuze · 09/10/2010 23:58

YANBU!

I hate it when parents sidle in with their other child. "It's alright isn't it?" >take off child's coat to reveal party dress

CommonSenseSuze · 10/10/2010 00:03

In fact, the last party we had, an older, uninvited child kept complaining that the party was babyish (she's 6 and the party was for 2 year old DD); she demanded her party bag early, so she could see what was inside it; and worst of all she teased the dog with food.

Her mum just stood there grinning and rolling her eyes. Angry

cat64 · 10/10/2010 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lilmissmummy · 10/10/2010 00:11

I have never come across this problem dd(5) had a party in the summer and we sent invitations, when the parents responded we asked if they were staying and if the younger/older sibling would be staying too. As I have a 9 year old ds too he often is asked if he wants to attend dd parties but we always refuse.

We also dont invite any cousins as otherwise we would only have family there.

I think i would only be cross if it was a pre-paid for party ie. laser quest or soft play etc and I think in this situation you would have to apologise and explain that the child has not been paid for therefore the parent will have to pay.

Gibbon · 10/10/2010 00:19

I include the siblings. Life is too short to wring hands over it.

nancydrewrocked · 10/10/2010 00:20

I just can't imagine getting worked up about a "gatecrashing" pre schooler whose parent is in attendance and therefore not your responsibility. Seems churlish in the extreme.

MetalMummy · 10/10/2010 00:21

YANBU, if only one child is named on the invitation then siblings should not attend IF the party is in a hall or a childs home. If the party is at a soft play I really don't see anything wrong with parents paying for the siblings to play because they are open to the public anyway. Obviously if those siblings then want something to eat it is up to their parents to then buy them something.

Mummychicken I can't believe you would invite one of your DC's cousins and not the other, especially because the age difference isn't that great Shock My nephew is 5 next week and all 3 of my children aged 9, 7 and 6 have been invited to his party, the older 2 would of been really hurt if only my youngest had been invited. I have to admit that I would never have left a 3yr old at a party unless I knew the other parent very well, most of the parties my kids (up until about 5-6) have attended the parents have stayed, especially those at soft play

cat64 · 10/10/2010 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mamatomany · 10/10/2010 00:32

We turned up at a party today with DC3 and DC1 was begged to stay as a friend for the older child which was lovely.
It's a constant juggle keeping up with the parties and entertaining the older or younger siblings whilst one is at the party so it's really nice when somebody includes them all. Tends to be the Europeans that are most hostbitable in my experience.

nancydrewrocked · 10/10/2010 00:34

cat64 I don't disgree with it BU to foist additional children on a pay per child event or leave extra children unattended anywhere.

But every party I have ever been to (and as I say virtually without exception they have been halls) it has been assumed/expected that younger sibblings would attend with their parents.

I am sure as my DC (4 & 5) get older this will change as their guests would be less likely to want mum or dad to hang around but I just can't get myself worked up about a mum that hangs about at one of my DC's parties with an additional 3 year old in tow.

sickoftheholidays · 10/10/2010 00:59

I just bypass the whole situation by saying siblings welcome on the invite, ask everyone to RSVP (although thats a whole can of worms and really gets my goat) and do plenty of food/extra party bags etc.
and refreshments for the parents.
This year DS is 6 and its the first year I'm expecting the majority of parents to cut and run, but I wont allow anyone to leave kids under 5 without a parent with them. I just think its too young with the sort of parties we have (chaos, 30ish kids running around screaming) for kids to be left.

alicet · 10/10/2010 08:01

To be honest ds2 party recently is the first timeI haven't explicitly written on the invite either 'siblings welcome - please let us know in your RSVP how many will be attending so we have enough food' (ds2 party last year at home) or 'really sorry we can't accommodate siblings due to restricted numbers at the venue' (ds1 3rd party he had jointly with another child where the venuestated max 16). Ime people were more than happy with both. Think I'll go back to doing this actually esp now ds1 in school and I won't necessarily know the parents as well as I have in the past.

MissM · 10/10/2010 08:16

Could I just ask what days these parties are on? If a Saturday or Sunday then obviously perfectly reasonable not to invite siblings (unless of course parent is single and it's a party where s/he needs to stay). My DD went to a party yesterday, DH was working, so I asked the mum if I could bring younger DS along. She was completely fine about it. On the other hand, if she'd said no, it's a limited number of places, I'd have had to sort out a babysitter - annoying, but kinda tough. Her kid's party, not mine.

On the other hand, if it's a party on a weekday (for a three year-old not at school, say), then what can a parent do with a younger sibling? Before DD started school and I'd have parties on a weekday I fully expected parents to come along with little ones as well.

Swipe left for the next trending thread