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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..or is this random stranger?

33 replies

SpookyKalooki · 09/10/2010 11:27

Whenever DH goes out in our village nowadays there is a man who yells abuse at him. His reason being that he sees both of us in the village all the time and knows that we don't work. When DH pointed out (the first time it happened) that I am disabled, he got the response that he's seen me walking so I must be fine. (I have to do a daily walk to stop myself seizing up entirely, 5 mins is my max before I fall over)

So is he being unreasonable? Or am I?

I ask this because there's been a lot of threads recently about posters knowing people who claim benefits who they "know" aren't actually disabled. Who they "know" could work if they weren't just "lazy scroungers".

Is what this man yells any more unreasonable than the posts? Should I just suck it up? Maybe I should drag my scrounging self into work?

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 09/10/2010 11:31

Well he shouldn't be yelling at anyone in the street whatever the circumstances!

noblegiraffe · 09/10/2010 11:31

Is your DH your carer?

notanidiotnomore · 09/10/2010 11:32

Completely unaacceptable.It has nothing to do with him.
Report him to the Police.

SheWillBeLoved · 09/10/2010 11:32

Hmm If it were me, I'd have gone to the police by now.

Is DH your carer? Does this man who shouts abuse not work himself or does he work in the village?

mumdrivenmad · 09/10/2010 11:32

Give your local police a call, he is verbally abusing you, and it does not matter if you are disabled or not you do not have to accept it.

Original poster
SpookyKalooki · 09/10/2010 11:35

The police know, he tried to grab DH before.

DH is my carer and disabled himself.

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 09/10/2010 11:36

Each time he verbally abuses you, call the police. You might not work, but it's for a very good reason. I'd love to hear his reason for being such a vile, small minded bullying twat.

savoycabbage · 09/10/2010 11:37

I have no faith at all in the police so I know where you are coming from. Some people are just twats. It must be awful.

savoycabbage · 09/10/2010 11:38

Tell him you are so rich you don't have to work.

Original poster
SpookyKalooki · 09/10/2010 11:43

Thing is, he thinks he knows all about us, based on a 5 minute snapshot of our life every day. He even thinks he knows what benefits we get. (He probably thinks we have a flatscreen TV too)

So in a lot of respects he is very similar to a lot of people on MN recently. The difference is, he will say it to our faces.

But yes, we report it every time. Apparently he is mentally ill, though I imagine the bottles of cheap vodka he swigs from in between abuse probably doesn't help. But despite being scared of him I do feel sympathy for him, he obviously isn't getting the help he needs.

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 09/10/2010 11:48

I'd seriously be considering a Civil Harassment Order. Mental ill drunk or not, he is making your daily life a misery.

SheWillBeLoved · 09/10/2010 11:48

Mentally

JaneS · 09/10/2010 12:04

Yes, you need to make a fuss. Not only because he needs help - he sounds as if could be dangerous.

Poor you. Sad

Galena · 09/10/2010 12:26

You know, reading this I think you're being very passive aggressive - this post isn't about the man in the street. This post is about the people on Mumsnet who post similar comments. You've mentioned them in 2 of your 3 posts.

If you have a problem with them - tell them on the threads you don't like.

Biscuit
Original poster
SpookyKalooki · 09/10/2010 12:30

Have done, many times.

OP posts:
HalfTermHero · 09/10/2010 12:35

The stranger is being totally unreasonable. Whether or not you and/or dp should work, well I don't know the answer to that. I suppose it depends on the nature and extent of your disabilities.

Needanewname · 09/10/2010 12:37

So what is he doing during the day time when he shous abuse at your DH - surely he isn;t working either if he knows all about your comings and goings?!

booyhoo · 09/10/2010 12:38

i too don't think is is about stranger in the 'street' at all.

very PA.

Original poster
SpookyKalooki · 09/10/2010 12:44

It is part anger at him, and yes it is part PA. It seems actually pointing out the flaws in people's thinking doesn't work.

This man is undeniably unreasonable to shout at us. But his views are shared by a lot of people, based on the same evidence he has (none). Hearing it shouted in the street makes me wonder how many others are silently agreeing with him.

needanewname We thought that, and it did make us laugh, in a "oh god that means he's always going to be there" hysterical way.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpookyKalooki · 09/10/2010 12:45

booyhoo Why 'street'? I promise this actually happens, wish to hell it didn't. It's also why all the assumptions about who is and isn't disabled bug me so much, hearing that abuse daily makes you a little sensitive.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 09/10/2010 12:47

what i meant was that although you sadi stranger on the street, i get the impression you actually mean, strangers on the net (ie; MN) but were using this man as a metaphor for all the strangers here who think that way.

Original poster
SpookyKalooki · 09/10/2010 12:49

Not a metaphor as such, just he seems to me to be representative of a lot of people. Which is kind of scary.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 09/10/2010 12:49

but i agree, whether it is on the street or on here or wherever, it is seet FA to do with anyone why you aren't at work at 11am. the people who need to know taht information already know it and anyone else is just nosy.

booyhoo · 09/10/2010 12:49

sweet FA

Amanderrr · 09/10/2010 12:50

He's obviously being unreasonable. That question hardly needs answering.

Could you just placate him/get him off your backs by saying you both work from home?

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