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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DS's stand-in teacher?

46 replies

ShadeofViolet · 09/10/2010 08:05

DS is 9. He is going on a school trip on Monday.

Yesterday the children in his class were ased to copy a letter to the parents about the trip (what they need to take, what time to be at school etc).They didnt have their normal teacher, but a stand-in who does quite alot at the school.

Anyway when DS came out of school he was upset, but wouldnt say why. Yesterday evening he burst into tears and said he couldnt go on the trip. Apparently this teacher told them if they didnt finish copying down the letter they couldnt go on the trip, DS (who is a slow writer, the school know this). I didnt know if DS had heard wrong, so I phoned a couple of my friends who also have children in his class and they confirmed it, one of them saying her son was upset too.

He is now convinced he cant go, because he believes what the teacher has said. He was really looking forward to the trip and nothing I say will make him feel any better. I am now cross that he is so upset and that I am being subjected to a weekend of misery because of what she is done.

OP posts:

SkippyjonJones · 09/10/2010 08:09

Poor thing. Have you explained that it is just the kind of thing a teacher says to get you to hurry up and finish. I know it was not the right thing to do but I expect the teacher was just stressed. Why did they have to write it out anyway ?

Bloodymary · 09/10/2010 08:24

YANBU I would have been very upset for the child, and bloody fuming with the teacher.

ilovesooty · 09/10/2010 08:26

I think that's dreadful. It seems a pointless exercise anyway and your son has been quite unjustly distressed.

As a matter of interest, have you checked that this person is in fact a qualified teacher? I'm wondering if she might be a teaching assistant or cover supervisor from the way you describe her role.

londonmackem · 09/10/2010 08:29

The educational value of copying out a letter? I would say something on monday. Also a very inappropriate thing to say

onceamai · 09/10/2010 08:31

YANBU - Good job she's was supply. Write to the head and point out that you would be grateful if this particulary supply isn't used again.

opiussun · 09/10/2010 09:48

Erm, actually I think that you are being a little bit unreasonable and really quite over-sensitive.

Presumably, your son CAN still go on the trip even though he didn't manage to write everything down in time? A stand in teacher clearly wouldn't have the authority to dictate who could/ could not go on a trip.

As such, you need to tell him that whilst you understand why he's upset, that he WILL still be going on the trip and that he needs to calm down now and move on from the issue because there's no reason for him to be down about it all weekend.

I'm a bit surprised that a nine year old boy would take her comment so literally, as teachers frequently say things like that in order to get the class to hurry along with an activity. Similar thing to, ''If we don't get this done then we'll have to miss playtime''. The fact that you're unable to console him, in my opinion, means that he is being extremely over-sensitive about this. I can't really understand why he isn't feeling reassured by you telling him he'll still be going?

Unless she shouted at him or specifically targeted him for being unable to finish his writing, then you have very little grounds for complaint. For goodness sake, do NOT go to the school either- what are they supposed to do?!

If her comments had been to a year one or two class (who you would expect to be more susceptible to taking things literally) then she would have acted unreasonably. As it stands though, I think that most children at that age would recognise that it was simply a remark to encourage them to get their work done faster, and that she didn't expect them to take it literally!

MangoTango · 09/10/2010 09:55

I agree with opiussun, and writing to the head to ask that this teacher never be employed again by the school would be totally OTT and unfair to the supply teacher.

diddl · 09/10/2010 10:01

I agree with opiussun.

He is being far too over sensitive about this.

And what do you mean by "slow writer"?

ValentinCrimble · 09/10/2010 10:09

diddl it's obvious what the OP means by "slow writer"....her DS writes slowly. He completes written work at a slower than average rate....not his fault...why penalize a 9 year old like that?

GrowtheDuckUp · 09/10/2010 10:16

If the teacher said it to the whole class: 'you can't go on the trip if you don't write the letter...not you ShadeOfViolet's child because you are a slow writer'!!' I think your son is being over sensitive, teacher's talk ALL day, they also put up with noisy, disruptive, frankly irritating children all day. In the face of a class who were not getting on with work, they might well make a threat like 'get this done or you can't go on the trip'. I think it is your job to explain the teacher was just trying to get the work done and he will definitely be going on the trip.

GrowtheDuckUp · 09/10/2010 10:17

Oh I didn't finish my first sentence, if the teacher had said 'write the letter or you can't go, not you shadeofviolet's son because you are a slow writer' that would have been twice as bad!

bride2b · 09/10/2010 10:25

I agree with opiussun.

I can't believe Onceamai has suggested you write to the headteacher. On the whole supply teachers work very hard to build up a good reputation - their livelihood depends on this. I can't believe that you are willing to put this teachers income and reputation at risk because one little comment.How selfish!

RustyBear · 09/10/2010 10:27

I would guess the teacher said something like 'if you don't get it finished, your parents won't know what to do and you might miss the trip' One child isn't listening properly or misheard, he talks to the others and by the end of playtime they are all believing that was what was said.

Parents do it too - it took about two days to get from 'we're thinking of changing the uniform' in a newsletter to 'the head is leaving and the deputy taking over'

BabyDubsEverywhere · 09/10/2010 10:29

Your DS is over sensitive, and your reaction is encouraging this in him, you both nEED TO GET A GRIP

I also agree with opiussun

BabyDubsEverywhere · 09/10/2010 10:29

sorry for caps, baby on lap!

mummytime · 09/10/2010 10:49

As a teacher I would write to the head. Not demand the supply teacher (if she was a teacher not just a TA etc) is never employed again, but make sure it is mentioned to her that this is inappropriate.

Actually I think it is a very bad idea to ever threaten pupils with something you can't or won't carry out (so if I say do this or get a detention, you get a detention).

I also understand as even if my son at that age had finished the task it would have been worthless as it would have been unreadable or have missed crucial information out. It is a waste of time task, and not good teaching practice (its why we have email and photocopiers).

noblegiraffe · 09/10/2010 10:53

Was the school photocopier broken? Why on earth were children being made to copy down important details about a school trip when a proper letter should have been sent home to the parents?

pointydog · 09/10/2010 11:02

It's not good to issue empty threats but we have no idea exactly what happened here so it's daft to come out with strong opinions one way or another.

Maybe the whole class composed the letter, sentence/paragraph at a time on the board, paying attention to how it should be set out, and the class were writing it as they went along.

I have no idea. But neither do any of you.

Feenie · 09/10/2010 11:03

Good point - unless they were studying letter writing, in which case they should have been composing the letter, not copying it down.

Not worth writing to head over though, imo.

noblegiraffe · 09/10/2010 11:13

pointydog, even if it was a lesson in letter writing there is no way that I'd trust them to do something that important accurately. Some kids can barely copy a line of homework off the board without making a mistake.

It sounds like a stupid exercise.

Feenie · 09/10/2010 11:16

Well obviously they would be checked! You'd need a backup letter too.

RustyBear · 09/10/2010 11:18

In the absence of an AIBU thread starting "to think we should have more than a weekend's notice of a school trip" I'm assuming you already knew about the trip, so I'm wondering if this was actually being done as part of literacy 'writing instructions' using a topical situation. In which case the comment might just have been to point out how important it is to get instructions right.

onessa · 09/10/2010 11:19

yanbu, teachers are there to teach not upset pupils. all pupils are different, they work at different speeds, have different incentives/motivations and some are more sensitive than others.
teachers should understand this--if they dont then they shouldnt be teaching.
go into school to discuss your concerns with the headteacher.there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation but you need to set your mins at rest and the head needs to know if his pupils are upset. also, we dont know how many other pupils this teacher MAY have upset over the course of his/her career. maybe this is the first maybe it is the 100th--sharing your concerns is vital to maybe prevent other children being upset.

(an dont forget to adk why on earth the children where coping a letter out anyway!)

Feenie · 09/10/2010 11:20

Ofgs

RustyBear · 09/10/2010 11:23

" Some kids can barely copy a line of homework off the board without making a mistake." Maybe that's why they were practising copying?

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