Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be annoyed with DS's stand-in teacher?

46 replies

ShadeofViolet · 09/10/2010 08:05

DS is 9. He is going on a school trip on Monday.

Yesterday the children in his class were ased to copy a letter to the parents about the trip (what they need to take, what time to be at school etc).They didnt have their normal teacher, but a stand-in who does quite alot at the school.

Anyway when DS came out of school he was upset, but wouldnt say why. Yesterday evening he burst into tears and said he couldnt go on the trip. Apparently this teacher told them if they didnt finish copying down the letter they couldnt go on the trip, DS (who is a slow writer, the school know this). I didnt know if DS had heard wrong, so I phoned a couple of my friends who also have children in his class and they confirmed it, one of them saying her son was upset too.

He is now convinced he cant go, because he believes what the teacher has said. He was really looking forward to the trip and nothing I say will make him feel any better. I am now cross that he is so upset and that I am being subjected to a weekend of misery because of what she is done.

OP posts:

diddl · 09/10/2010 11:26

Well, it´s not obvious to me, which is why I asked.

My son is a "slow writer" because he is dyslexic.

Some are just because they take too long!

I wouldn´t expect special consideration in such a situation but would expect my son to copy the rest after the lesson.

noblegiraffe · 09/10/2010 11:29

FWIW if I had stuff that the class needed to copy off the board and one kid was a slow writer and struggling to keep up, I would copy the rest for them. If it was a lazy kid who was just mucking around, obviously I would cajole them but there's no value in copying reams of stuff off the board so I try to keep it to a minimum anyway.

RustyBear · 09/10/2010 11:38

Of course, having the kids copy it could have been a last resort to get the parents to actually READ the details about the trip, instead of ignoring them completely and sending their child to school without a packed lunch, or wellies or some other necessary item...

If so, it presumably didn't work.....

mrswoodentop · 09/10/2010 11:42

When I was at school this was how most communication was done.I have very vivid memories of what would have been year 4 copying letters for parents off the board.We had a special book to write them in and the parent had to sign to confirm they had seen the letter.Intersting because I would bevery sceptical about my year 4 ds doing this now but in those days there were no photocopiers or computers so each letter would have had to be individually generated.

Just in case anyone thinks I must be ancient ,this would have been in the 1970s but the point is we were trusted to get the information correct ,we seem to have lost that expectation of 8 and 9 year olds.
Stupid threat by this teacher though

savoycabbage · 09/10/2010 11:46

You are going TOTALLY over the top! If my six year old had been that upset about this, I would have helped her to try and become more resiliant.

I have had a note from my child with information about going on a trip before. It was supplementary to the letter that the parents had received in a letter home.It added to the excitement for her.

ValentinCrimble · 09/10/2010 11:50

The thing is savoycabbage, many children are natural worriers...they just are...and no amount of teacing them to be resiliant will change this. The kids should not have been asked to copy important info down but should have been given a printed letter...end of.

diddl · 09/10/2010 11:54

It was a bad comment I´ll agree with that.

But I can´t see the problem with them writing it themselves tbh.

Why should everything be pre copied?

Clary · 09/10/2010 11:57

I agreewith those who say an empty threat is rather pointless.

But clearly there is no way the supply can dictate who does and doesn't go so I am sure yr DS will be going. It was a bit of a daft threat if she said it.

But let's face it, Chinese whispers happen all the time. I asked DS2 if he voted for XXX (his best mate) in the school council election. No he said, his teacher said you couldn't vote for your friend!

On closer examination, it turned out she said "don't vote for your friend just because they are yr friend; vote for them if you think they made the best speech" which is not the same thing at all.

OP It's very possible she said sthg like "make sure you finish this or you won't know what to take on the trip" - which is not the same thing.

I would certainly not go into school, write to the head etc. I might mention it to a teacher and say yr DS was a bit upset.

BTW copying from the board is a useful skill to have as my DS1 (in yr 7 now) is finding out!

savoycabbage · 09/10/2010 11:58

I know, mine is a natural worrier. She threw up on her bedroom carpet last week and then fell asleep on her own vomity floor as when she felt sick she was worried about getting into trouble for coming out of her bedroom.

And yesterday I suggested that she might like to ask her teacher if she could bring in her skipping rope for playtime but she didn't in case she wasn't allowed and would therefore get into trouble for asking.

I am continually working at building up her confidence. I want my child to be able to 'get over' things and therefore would not be , in the OP's situation, going to see the head as I would want my child to be able to 'move on' as they say. And if my child could see the calm reaction that I hope that I would have rather than me ringing other parents and then going into the school, then I hope that this might help her to do that.

Original poster

ShadeofViolet · 09/10/2010 11:59

Thanks everyone for your input.

I think the problem I have is that the threat is empty, I know this, but because if DS is threatened with something it always happens, he doesnt understand that. When I explained it all to him he still thinks that the teacher means it. If she says he must stay in at break then he does - that why he doesnt understand.

We didnt get another letter - this was all we got. DS must have been very close to finishing as it has all the important information I would expect.

He says that after numeracy was playtime and when they got back in the letter was on the whiteboard for them to copy.

DS has some fine motor skill problems which makes holding a pencil difficult at times, thats why he is slow at writing.

I am not going over the top, and I dont think I need to get a grip. I havent said that I am going to march up there and complain.

OP posts:

PosieParker · 09/10/2010 12:00

Children believe everything their teachers say. So this teacher was bu, but you need to pacify and reassure your DS and perhaps mention how harsh thyis all was to his normal teacher.

cazzybabs · 09/10/2010 12:01

copying from the board is out dated - normally I bet they don't do it... but imagine you are a supply teacher; you are going into a class you have had an hour's warning you have to teach - the photocopier is broken, the book you needed for the lesson is at home with the teacher, there is no lesson plan left...what can you do with your class. Handwriting practise...lets give it a purpose because handwriting is boring, lets write the trip letter...

upahill · 09/10/2010 12:09

Sure it wasn't the best comment in the world but like others have said you need to calm down and your son needs to toughen up.

I'm sure every single one of us here has either said something inapropiate at times without meaning any harm or didn't realize the impact on what they had said would be taken so extremly.

Personally I would say to him ' Look you are going on the trip, there is nothing more I can say but you definatly are going' and leave it at that.
If you keep bringing it up it will become a cycle. If he brings it up you just say I have told you what is happening. I am not mentioning it again. Go and play.'

eventide · 09/10/2010 12:33

Do teachers really make threats with absolutely no intention of carrying them out? Surely the kids would get wise to them?
I would reassure your DS as you have been doing and have a word at the school letting them know that your DS was upset to the point of tears as I'm sure this wouldn't have been the teachers' intention.
I think it would be fair enough if your son had been messing about instead of writing but if he was trying his best and the teacher didn't leave enough time for ALL the class to copy out the letter then that is not your DS's fault. Surely a better way to approach this if your DS is genuinely struggling with his handwriting would be to offer him some support or ask you to practise it with him at home?

diddl · 09/10/2010 12:45

Well I think I would be interested in finding out what was said & in what manner tbh.

It´s sad that your son doesn´t seem to be reassured by you though.

Original poster

ShadeofViolet · 09/10/2010 12:49

I know :(

OP posts:

diddl · 09/10/2010 12:55

I remember my son having a stage of thinking that teachers could say/do no wrong.

He was also quite easily taken in by what others said without thinking through if it actually made sense!

imahappycamper · 09/10/2010 17:20

I'm sure every single one of us here has either said something inapropiate at times without meaning any harm or didn't realize the impact on what they had said would be taken so extremly.

Here here upahill

PixieOnaLeaf · 09/10/2010 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumeeee · 09/10/2010 19:01

DD3 is dyspraxic and has always had some co-ordination problems. She is now 18 and has managed to overcome some of her problems. But at 9 years old she would have found it very dificult to coppy a leter from the board and would have also been very upset to be told that she couldn't go on a trip if she didn't finish copying it down. At that age she beleived everything a teacher told her and it would have been very hard to reassure her.

Goblinchild · 09/10/2010 19:28

There is a point to complaining, the supply teacher is employed on a daily basis and need not be employed again by the school.
If you walk into a class on supply, you may not have a clue about the children and any additional needs, vulnerabilities or home situation, so you tread carefully.
Sometimes supply haven't the time or don't bother to read IEPs and notes and such.
My son was yelled at by a supply and walked out, using his time out card. Supply hadn't bothered to read the checklist for the day and notes left for her.
She complained. DS's teacher said she was lucky that DS went round her and not through as she blocked his exit.

Flip

1 2