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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tidy DS1s bedroom with a shovel and a bin sack?

53 replies

SoupDragon · 07/10/2010 13:16

He's 11. I told him back at the start of the summer holiday that he wouldn't be having a Facebook account until he has tidied his room. He has made absolutely zero effort. Literally nothing. It would be a simple job to get the snow shovel and a large sack and clear it completely in around 15 minutes.

However, this would make me a hypocrite as my childhood room was very similar and I am simply not a tidy person myself. and i can't bear the thought of throwing away things which may be important.

OP posts:
ElbowFan · 07/10/2010 13:23

I took the view with my DCs that if I could see the carpet, I would hoover, if I could see the tops, then I would dust. If I could get to the bed then I would change it, (and if not I would offer to help turn the mattress when they changed the sheets etc - making sure that it was done). Othe than that I closed the door - their rooms, their mess, their stuff.
It did them no harm and saved me turning into a tidiness freak.

nocake · 07/10/2010 13:24

The age limit on FB is 13 so is he expected to keep his room tidy for the next two years to earn the right to an account?

nameymcnamechange · 07/10/2010 13:25

Oh God leave it! Keep him off facebook for as long as you possibly can.

mumof4sons · 07/10/2010 13:26

Do it.

Shovel the stuff into a black bin liner and put it somewhere out of sight.

Make him earn the things back.

I have done this, and found it amazing how much they don't really miss the stuff. One bag has been sitting in the loft for 2 years not missed.

I am not the tidiest of people either but have a rule: There needs to be a safe path through room so I can kiss you goodnight and so that a fireman can rescue you too.

Hope that helps.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/10/2010 13:31

I've just spent hours (on and offBlush) sorting out DD's room. We moved about eight weeks ago and the stuff had stayed where the moving men put it. I got her a second hand cupboard yesterday and moved all the 'stuff' into it. there is a clear path across the floor and 'stuff' on top of the cuboard.
I wouldn't be getting her a facebook account by the way.

harassedinherpants · 07/10/2010 13:33

I have two ds's now aged 21 & 19.

The only thing that worked was a black bag ( or two!) and pile in everything that's out of place. I'd give 3-4 days for it all to be put away depending on how generous I was feeling. If it doesn't get done, it gets binned.

I think one of the reasons that it works is that they have a blank canvas so to speak to start from, as opposed to just seeing a room full of mess and no clue where to start!!

alittlebitshy · 07/10/2010 13:35

My dd is only 7 but I have had to make myself chill about her room lately. I used to go in and tidy up her crap treasures many many times a week, but now i figure i will do the basics so i can get to her bed/cupboard and to ensure she doesn't slip on paper/books when getting up in the night but beyond that Biscuit. i go in a give a quick dust, sheet change, hoover but i am going to teach her she HAS to take responsibility.

dreading the teenage year wrt.

WowOoo · 07/10/2010 13:39

Mumof4 sons I'm using that on my ds1...Brilliant.

I wouldn't actually do anything shovel and bin bag wise til he's much much closer to 13.

ratspeaker · 07/10/2010 14:07

My tips on teenage bedrooms

  1. Close door
  2. run away fast
altinkum · 07/10/2010 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saltire · 07/10/2010 14:17

it's clothes mainly with ym Dses - all over the bedroom floor. So the rule is "if it's not in laundry basket it won't get washed"

Original poster
SoupDragon · 07/10/2010 14:27

You seem, i have taken the "their room their mess" line but its not working. Mainly because we have a box off odd socks where I KNOW the other halves are in a room somewhere.

also, DS1 needs somewhere to retreat to to do his homework and whirr he can keep track (hahahahaha) of all the sports gear, books and equipment he has acquired since starting secondary. AND he may want to bring new friends back and there really is no way he can do that as it stands.

Another thing is that, because they have trashed their rooms and the playroom, they now collect what they want to play with and play in the livling room. Where they leave it.

All in all, taking a back seat isn't working.

OP posts:
Original poster
SoupDragon · 07/10/2010 14:29

And I hate facebook, I don't have an account and will have to set one up when I do finally let DS have one, so i can keep an eye on him. The problem is that a large chunk of his primary school friends have them so it is a wee bit unfair to ban him.

OP posts:
Nuttybear · 07/10/2010 14:48

I'm not a tidy person so I try & design untidyness out of our lives. I go to the charity shop with a bag of stuff nearly every month. Ds knows that if he doesn't tidy it away. Mummy will give it to more deserving children. He also knows he can play with lego before school if he makes his bed and throws the toys back into the toy box. This has worked. We also have a small toy box in almost every room in the house so things get thrown in there. It amazing how they don't really miss all that stuff and I can clean quickly and get back on to MN ha ha. I can' bear stepping on toys

Original poster
SoupDragon · 07/10/2010 18:36

I have been having a cull of all our stuff recently :) very satisfying but there's a long, long way to go. DS needs a more grown up bedroom now so a lot of stuff will be disappearing from there if he's not careful.

Having said that, he was in tears recently because the Buzz Lightyear he got for his third birthday got broken.
Bless him :o I managed to fix it thankfully.

OP posts:
AngieJES · 07/10/2010 20:08

My DD1 is only six but I think I have the opposite problem with her! She has a borderline OCD about her Barbies- they have to be put away in rainbow order of their dresses. If not (according to Maddie) Ken will not love them anymore. I can't decide whether to think this adorable or to be worried. Wink However, the other day my mother reminded me that I used to do much the same thing with my dolls- and I turned out okay (?)
Hopefully this will translate into a tidy room when she's a teenager. Otherwise, I keep labelled toy boxes for each of my kids in their playroom, the living room and their bedrooms, so that they never have far to go to tidy up (even though for my two youngest this hasn't kicked off yet, but I'm trying to introduce it young).
Also, what worked very well with my daughter was asking her to choose what she wanted to give to charity and telling her a little bit about the people that she would be helping- that way she was much more generous than she would have been had I asked her which toys she wanted to put in the trash.
x

Morloth · 07/10/2010 20:14

Close the door. I do this with DH's study as well.

The door is nice and tidy, anything within is not my problem.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/10/2010 20:30

OOh, no to Facebook by the way! I work in a secondary school and have seen the cyber-bullying it can cause: parents and their child brought in to explain themselves to the Year Head, the bullied ones reluctant to come to school. It should be left to MUCH older children. OUr school takes cyberbullying very seriously thankfully - probably because parents could actually try and get the police involved and prosecute. I would be VERY wary of letting an 11 year-old on FB.

thebody · 07/10/2010 20:51

when i had my kids i vowed that i would stand no crap like my lovely mil did with my dh..

boys now 21 and 19.. and left home...

I failed abysmally and tidied up after them all the time because I couldnt stand the mess, me nagging... them protesting.. my tears... dhs anger.. all a horrible blur...

now I am in a tidy house with my fastidious 11 year old dd, dh is in Australia working... we have scented candles, flowers, and clean fluffy towels.... we have bubble bath, room spray and girly nights in with spa treatments...

paradise......

but boys home this weekend and although bracing ourselves.. cant wait....

bluecardi · 07/10/2010 21:01

like the thread title

YouMightKnowMe · 07/10/2010 21:33

Oh...I have done the stick in all in a black bin bag and stick in the garage.

At one point DTDs have 5 bin bags worth of stuff in there...and after the first 2 days didn't care. They were told they could have 1 bag back at a time but they couldn't have any more until that one was tidied away properly...They didn't care after the first bag. They just didn't care...they would rather sleep in a tip than have their toys :-(.

They eventually got them bak but only because I couldn't bare to throw them away.

taffetacat · 07/10/2010 21:41

OP - Oh thats so sweet about his Buzz Grin

I can't advise on tactics for an 11yo. My 6 yo DS spent 2 hours tidying his room after his friends visited. Both have very tidy rooms so I assume they made a comment. It wasn't that messy......

emptyshell · 07/10/2010 21:45

My mum black sacked me on several occasions growing up. Left the bags on my bed and said that I had till 8pm that night to sort and put away them or they went in the bin as-was. I knew she'd carry out her threats - so stuff got tidied.

Didn't sort me out being a natural slob though - living with bigger slobs at uni sorted that one out to relatively houseproud levels... I'm still shit at not putting my clean washing away for weeks on end though - and since I have a house of my own, I LEAVE MY SHOES ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! (because I got told off endlessly for it as a kid and it's my petty act of rebellion as an adult)

fidelma · 07/10/2010 22:45

I eventually stick it in the garage.Nothing is ever missed however I need to sort it some day!

muggglewump · 07/10/2010 22:55

DD's(9) room is like the pit of hell, a complete shit tip and it drives me mad.
I do screech at her request she tidies it, which she does by slinging everything in the wardrobe.Hmm

No idea what I'll do when she's a teen, I mean shutting the door would work, but I read a tip on here about removing the bedroom door to get misbehaving teens to comply which I'm already planning on doing.....