... or is DD BU about selfishness on buses?

[LadyWellian]

If I get on a bus alone and there is a spare two-seat, I'll sit in it (window side) - as will pretty much everyone else who gets on a bus alone in my experience.

If I get on a bus with DD, and it is half full of people all sitting alone in two-seats, she gets annoyed because we can't sit together.

I've explained to her that if you got on a less than half full bus and you sat next to someone when there were empty two-seats available, they would think you were some kind of weirdo/space invader. But I also think she has a point.

So is either of us BU?

Sorry it's a bit of a tame AIBU (and it's my first) but I'm interested in what people think.

I see it as a total non-issue tbh! (Sorry)

People naturally want their own space if it is available. They got there first, why should they make themselves uncomfortable on the chance a couple would get on.

It's not a long journey, deal with sitting apart (you can probably sit next to each other across an aisle or something, so it's not like you're far away).

If it bothers her that much, she can politely ask someone to move so you can have the two-seater. I'd think she was strange and, frankly, spoilt though. I would move if I felt there was a need for the people to sit together - eg. someone with a carer.

How old is she? I hate to say it, but it sounds like she needs to understand that the world doesn't revolve around her... I'm not saying that to be mean!

The Weirdo argument is pretty compelling and trumps the selfishness argument.

First come, first served on buses I'm afraid. I travel alone and I'll go and sit alone if there's a double seater free.

Tbh I haven't seen particularly good behaviour from kids on buses. I've never seen a school age child get off their seat for an elderly or pregnant person in four years of travelling on my route in the morning notwithstanding the fact that children that age can stand just fine and they aren't paying a fare.

Kids can't have everything their own way especially on "public" transport.

As Skryg says, perhaps there's a need to understand that they aren't the centre of the universe.

Agree with Skyrg

The only thing that gets me is old people who plonk themselves into the buggy area with their bloody shopping trolley! As if, I a fit 30 something woman will ask them to stand up and move so I can park my buggy there....so I struggle to fold it and hold my crazy 2 year old on my lap!

Anenome- When DS was in his buggy, I just used to say "excuse me, can I get in here please" and if they didn't shift or ignored me, I would just shove the buggy in over their feet!!!

Thanks - that all seems fair to me. She's not being spoilt or misbehaving, she's 10 and perfectly capable of sitting by herself (which she has to do most of the time until someone gets off), but I just wondered if anyone shared her view rather than mine!

It isn't a "buggy area" though. It's actually meant for wheelchairs if you read the signs.

Oh and A1980 I've definitely seen DD give up a seat for someone who needed it.

LadyWellian, I did say on "my route" I've never seen them do it.

Ive found that no one will move on a bus yet the people on the tube get a worse rap. And they always offer me their seats.

On bus the other day, gentleman saw me waddle past (7 months pregnant) and instead offered his seat to a pretty young blonde thing. Who actually accepted it!

Oh and where I live, only the local perv sits next to you when there are free double seats!

I think she has a point. I always feel secretly annoyed about this too. Surely sitting next to a stranger is sitting next to a stranger, and if you are carrying on a conversation with your friend/sister/child/boyfriend across the aisle or over someone's head that has to be more annoying than two people quietly chatting sitting on the same seat.

However I'd never ask anyone to move. And I wouldn't carry on a conversation around people. (But might do across an aisle) But I do feel a bit disappointed that I can't talk to my friend while sitting on the bus or train, because I spend enough time on buses alone with nobody to talk to anyway.

Logically it makes sense for strangers to sit next to other strangers and leave larger spaces so that groups can sit together. But societal norms prevent it - at 10 she probably isn't thinking so much about the cultural reasons for it and is thinking more logically.

No A1980...our buses have 2 areas...one for buggies with a whopping picture of a buggy on it...and another for wheelchairs.

I don't think it's just societal norms.. I tend to have a bag with me and like space to put it on the seat. My boyfriend's legs never fit so he prefers to have space to put them!
Obviously I move my bag/he moves his legs if anyone else gets on, but why should I squish myself on the off chance that someone does?

I used to get irrationally angry when I was sat on a virtually empty bus and someone would sit in the seat behind me let alone next to me.

Used to make me so mad!

BertieBotts no, we'd certainly never ask anyone to move either. Occasionally kind people do, but we usually end up sitting together at some point anyway because of people getting off.
Am off to bed now before cat gets comfortable.

I am with you on that ConnorTraceptive! I hate it too! I'm thinking "What? Have you NO bloody idea of social rules? How dare you breathe near me when there's an empty bus behind you!?"

Anenome, we have one bay for wheelchairs and that is made clear. But people stand in it and load it with buggies when the sign says "please collpase your buggies". Different areas have different buses I guess.

BertieBotts, I have the opposite feeling as do most people. I was sitting on a near empty bus once when a woman got on, sat right next to me and got her make up bag out and proceeded to put her foundation on. I said something to her and got up and moved. I would think it odd for someone to sit with me on an empty bus or half full bus.

Well yes obviously it's nicest of all to have a double seat to yourself. But if you know it's a busy time of day and the bus is definitely going to fill up, and you're going to have to sit next to a stranger anyway, what's the difference between sitting next to the next random person who gets on, or sitting next to LadyWellian, for example, when she would rather sit next to her DD.

I'm not saying people travelling alone should do this, I probably wouldn't do it myself in case the other person on the seat thought it was odd! I'm just saying it would make no difference to the lone traveller if they did so (assuming the bus is definitely going to fill up).

Christ. Let her stand. In time her knees will make her less U; you can be sure of it...

It's a very British thing, get her into studying social psychology and looking at how different members of cultures interact.
The English and Japanese have some of the biggest personal space zones
Go on a bus in Africa or India and it isn't an issue.

Your DD is BU. Anyway, if people didn't behave like that on buses how would teachers explain Hund's rule of maxiumum multiplicity?

Oh, I don't think your DD is being unreasonable, just not very British.

I was on an entirely empty upper deck once and a blind man who, it transpired, was actually pretending to be blind, squeezed in next to me and started masturbating.
After that experience anyone who sits next to me in any circumstances is viewed with suspicion, never mind when there is space elsewhere!

outside seat ftw.
And of course everyone in their right mind would sit in a free two-seater rather than sit down beside someone.