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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

oh I probably was wasn't I

73 replies

Whitby · 06/10/2010 19:54

Five years ago DP (now DH), went to work abroad. I was a single mum to DD. We went to spend the summer holidays with him (I'm a teacher). I was renting a little flat in a nice part of London. I was also a total total doormat.

Meanwhile a friend of mine (we were all mid twenties at this point), had moved to London to be with her boyfriend. He dumped her and she was staying with a series of friends on their sofas etc. Her kids lived with their dad in Luton and she needed somewhere to take them for her access weekends.

She asked if she could stay in my flat, paying me £500pm rent, while I was abroad, so her kids could have somewhere safe to be and she wouldn't have to keep imposing on friends.

I said yes with some misgivings. Part of the agreement was that my bedroom would be locked (she would have DD's double bedroom and the sofabed when her DCs were over).

When DD and I got back, the bin was full of maggots and there were carrier bags of chicken bones and other food rubbish piled up next to it, also maggoty. The flat was totally filthy with stamps (the rubber type), on the walls and woodwork. My bedroom door was still locked but all my clothes had been gone through a couple of dresses smelt very distinctly of her (she smoked). My dressing-gown cord had been used as wrist restraints when she'd had a guy over (I found out from him later, it was still tied to the bed). There were mice in the flat.

I'm a bit shit at confrontation but let my friend know that I was really miffed. She cried and apologised and begged me not to throw her out as she didn't have anywhere else to go. So she stayed in DD's room for another week, during which time we were broken into. The insurance wouldn't pay out as she'd left the window unlocked and they'd got in that way.

I got really upset with her and she went off on a huge rant, saying she'd lost her laptop too and who did I think I was charging her for staying somewhere when it wasn't costing me anything.

I asked her to leave, she left (but left all her stuff and all the kids' stuff behind, it took up most of DD's room). She'd left me two cheques for £500 - they both bounced. I contacted her to tell her this and she said she was sorry and she'd pay me back as soon as she could.

The next week I was putting DD's clothes back in her chest of drawers and found three pills (ecstasy), in a little plastic bag.

My friend went back to Luton, went on the dole and got a council flat. After repeated emails were ignored I told her I was moving and her stuff would be out on the street unless she came to collect it; she and her new boyfriend came to collect it and she said "I owe you almost a thousand pounds!", and said she'd pay me back £10 a week out of her benefits. She emailed me to ask for my bank details but nothing further transpired.

A couple of years ago she added me on facebook and I added her back out of curiosity really.

Last year she moved in with a guy and got a job with the local council.

Today she posted about getting a morgage and how she and this guy had a 30% deposit so why wasn't the rate better.

I messaged her saying "great to hear you're buying a place, does this mean you're going to pay me back?"

It was unreasonable, wasn't it.

She's replied now and I am too scared to open it!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 06/10/2010 20:16

Just seen her email, I can hear the worlds smallest violin playing just for her.

Talk about trying to lay it on thick.

Whitby · 06/10/2010 20:16

I have taken her off my FB friends list already! I can do PA too!

this is my response so far:

^Friend, I have no idea. You have said, variously, that you owe me "almost a thousand pounds", that you shouldn't've had to pay anything as I was subletting illegally and that you will send me £10 a month (you wrote me a big letter about that).

The last time we spoke about money face to face, when you came to collect all the stuff you'd left at mine, you said you would pay me back when you could. I said fine, when you can. You didn't name a sum.

I can't find any transfers from you at all.

I am not sure how much 'phrasing' one line can possibly have in it. Wishing you the best in your travails, as ever. ^

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 06/10/2010 20:16

Link her to this thread and leave it at that Grin

plantsitter · 06/10/2010 20:17

I have a friend a bit like this (though has never treated me like this - I've seen her do it to other people though). She will have convinced herself she's telling the truth by now. I would give it up as a bad job. Tell her first if you like though.

booyhoo · 06/10/2010 20:17

she's not going to pay you what she owes. she knows exactky what she owes (she says so in teh email) but all this "i am being made redundant" etc is her laying the path so she can back out of paying you...again.

if it was me i would tell her straight "you owe me £1000 and i would like it all please."

plantsitter · 06/10/2010 20:18

Ooh I see you have. Nice email!

miniwedge · 06/10/2010 20:18

Most of your op could be cut and paste as a reply to her self-pitying message.

She sounds awful.

TheCrackFox · 06/10/2010 20:18

Just delete her put of your life - she is a user.

prozacfairy · 06/10/2010 20:19

You are a much better person than me Whitby.

If anyone did this to me it'd take weeks to find all of them. (PMT, sorry)

Like others said you won't get your money back so message her again, tell her exactly what you think of her and then defriend and block her for good.

Mowiol · 06/10/2010 20:19

Ooh - she's a sneaky one eh?

You sound like a super friend and , in the nicest possible way, a wee bit of a soft-touch.

She knows this and is using it to get round you and make you feel bad.

Oh yes! She'd make a fabulous politician the sneak.

mummysgoingmad · 06/10/2010 20:20

unfortunately i dont think you have a leg to stand on, if you dont have anything in writing that she would pay you £500 a month for staying in your flat then she can deny it all she wants.

this woman is not a friend shes a scrounging git!

withorwithoutyou · 06/10/2010 20:20

Firstly YANBU.

Secondly, I would be majorly pissed off with that email and my response would be along the lines of:

Hi,

You owe me £1000 in back rent - I think you are confused about the fact that I agreed not to charge you for filling my house with maggots and arranging to get rid of the stuff you left everywhere. The bill for rent still stands.

Please do speak to your bank as I'm interested to know what you paid into my account as I have no record of it and have checked my records back to 1998.

If you could start saving up to pay me back, that would be great - £250 a month and we'll be square by January.

Thanks.

Hullygully · 06/10/2010 20:21

I would have written "You owe me £1000. I'll forgo the interest." and nothing else.

proudnglad · 06/10/2010 20:21

What. A. Cow. Good for you for confronting her.

Oh and never borrower or a lender be!

Fuck I've finally turned into my mother.

Whitby · 06/10/2010 20:22

update

Ooo it's moving fast here!

She just sent this:

"So what you are trying to say is that you would like me to pay you £1000, because you think I once said I owed you it, although in effect I paid you a lot of money for something which was doing you a favour.

And you haven't spoken to me for years because of this.

If I did say I owed you a thousand pounds I was a fucking mug.

Look, I'm sorry, but we're obviously not friends any more, and you obviously don't need my money. Goodbye. "

She has now blocked me on facebook and I have no other way of contacting her!

Now I will torture myself with all the things I wish I'd said to her! GAH!

OP posts:
booyhoo · 06/10/2010 20:23

withorwithout

that is a great response. OP i vote you write that.

booyhoo · 06/10/2010 20:25

well, you were never getting the money anyway and she isn't a friend so no big loss. but i get teh frustration of the things you wished you'd said. but again, you have to let that one go.

Hullygully · 06/10/2010 20:25

You are a giant mug.

Don't be one again.

Mowiol · 06/10/2010 20:25

I wonder how filling your house with maggots and ecstasy is doing you a favour??

She has selective meemory and is clearly a biatch - better off without her!

AgentZigzag · 06/10/2010 20:25

'for something which was doing you a favour'

Grin you've got to admire the nerve of the cheeky cow.

taintedpaint · 06/10/2010 20:25

Ooh, that makes me mad on your behalf. I wonder if that could be taken as her admitting she owes you....small claims court?

What a bloody vile woman though. You're well shot of her.

Whitby · 06/10/2010 20:27

I wasn't being entirely serious - I am mostly laughing at the computer. I'm a great one for the spirit of the staircase but shan't be beating myself up over this one :)

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 06/10/2010 20:28

No, don't torture yourself about it - I bet she's fuming and she'll be all outrage etc, etc. I think you're well out of it.

thatsnotmymonkey · 06/10/2010 20:29

She is a total cunt.

Google her, get her contact info and send her a big take away meal every week from a diff company (cash on delivery) until you have clocked up £1000.

Hullygully · 06/10/2010 20:30

Hmm