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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish PIL were not here

31 replies

Fibilou · 06/10/2010 15:22

It was my second day back at work today after maternity leave. DH picked me up to walk home and said "Mum and Dad are coming over". I thought oh great, I already have loads to do.
They had let themselves in and were sitting here when I got in. I have a baptism class this evening for which I have to do supper, a lot of work to do for my various outside projects. I could really do without an afternoon of PIL and I wish they would JUST PISS OFF !!!!

OP posts:
TanteRose · 06/10/2010 15:24

just do your stuff and leave DH to entertain them - they are his parents

taintedpaint · 06/10/2010 15:24

Do they do this a lot? I don't like unannounced visitors, I must say.

SpeedyGonzalez · 06/10/2010 15:27

Oops! I thought you meant 'not here' as in 'not here on earth'! Was ready to flame you, big-time!

As you were. Ahemety-hem.

Firawla · 06/10/2010 15:33

Can you not just say oh its a shame you didnt let me know you were coming, as i really have a lot to do so will have to leave you and dh to it as i have to finished these things off for my baptism class this evening, and then just get on with your own stuff?

Original poster
Fibilou · 06/10/2010 15:35

sorry, forgot to say that DH has gone out, leaving me with PIL.
They won't go until K has her bath at 6pm and I can't get on with what I would have been doing (hoovering and cleaning the floor) as that seems rather rude.
I just wanted some time to "decompress" before having to get on with the next task

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 06/10/2010 15:36

"forgot to say that DH has gone out, leaving me with PIL"

how rude! Where's he gone?

TanteRose · 06/10/2010 15:37

its not rude - its more rude to just assume you can make time for them.

just get on with what you have to, with a cheery "gosh, I am really busy, lift your feet up so i can hoover..." Grin

TanteRose · 06/10/2010 15:37

I mean, its not rude to get on with what you need to do...

OTTMummA · 06/10/2010 15:46

why don't you hand them the hoover and tell them they get a cup of tea after some assistance.

zingzillachinchilla · 06/10/2010 15:48

YANBU - hope you are getting on ok with being back at work. It can be tough adjusting, and the last thing you need is to come home to is visitors.

I reckon week 1 of returning to work is a bit like week 1 of having new baby in the house - ban all visitors! Grin

BlingLoving · 06/10/2010 15:50

Its not rude to do the hoovering if that's what you planned to do. Politely explain you have a lot to do and tell them to make themselves at home and then get on with it. Realistically, they're there to see your DC anyway so let them bond with him/her while you do other things.

RedHeels · 06/10/2010 15:50

Just get on with your things. You didn't know they were coming, you have stuff to do. If they know how to let themselves in, they also know how to make themselves their cups of tea. What is it with people forgetting their manners and any empathy they ever had when comes to their families (I means you PIL, not you)?

prozacfairy · 06/10/2010 15:51

I'd have kept him prisoner. His parents, his job to entertain them.

pommedeterre · 06/10/2010 15:52

Ooo if this were my DH I'd have something to say about it. What is it with men thinking we are available to entertain their parents all the time?
If it's any consolation I spend most of the time PIL come to visit wishing they weren't here.

diddl · 06/10/2010 15:53

TBH, if it were my ILs & husband not here, the hoovering would be a welcome alternative & I´d get on with it.BlushGrin

Kewcumber · 06/10/2010 15:53

leave them to play with K and say "sorry I didn;t know you were coming so I have a million thingws to do, will stop for a coffee with you when I'm done. You know where everything is don;t you?" Smile sweetly. When DH gets back threaten to castrate him if he invites themagrees they can come then leaves you with them again.

diddl · 06/10/2010 16:03

"If it's any consolation I spend most of the time PIL come to visit wishing they weren't here."

I don´t see mine very often, but it´s still time that you can´t get back!

Original poster
Fibilou · 06/10/2010 16:12

i'm glad I'm not alone !

On the plus side they are playing with DD so I can get with some quick bits of tidying up

OP posts:
Original poster
Fibilou · 06/10/2010 16:14

and they gave DD (8 months) some iced sticky bun and looked a bit Hmm when I asked them not to give her any more

OP posts:
storminabuttercup · 06/10/2010 16:18

YANBU - i also dislike unannounced guests.

My outlaws inlaws are terrible for this.

I was trying to have a nap when DS was 2 weeks old and keeping me up all night. knock on door, i ignored, next min theres pounding on the other door (seriously i expected there being some dire emergency) Oh - no! its DP's dad 'just calling in'. i told him to come back when DP was home, shut the door and cried my eyes out at the injustice of being woken from my nap by this utter arse. (can you tell theres background here?)

piscesmoon · 06/10/2010 16:18

I would be more proactive and be the one to contact and invite-when it suits you and cut DH out of the loop if he isn't going to be around.

diddl · 06/10/2010 16:25

"I would be more proactive and be the one to contact and invite-when it suits you and cut DH out of the loop if he isn't going to be around."

That probably depends on how well you get on with them tbh.

Also, why can´t they contact OP?

Surely it´s not up to her to make sure that they see their granddaughter?

Slambang · 06/10/2010 16:31

The rule is if you are informal enough to drop in unannounced you are part of the family and therefore also informal enough to fit in with what you find when you turn up. This includes helping with housework or whatever else is happening.

Give them jobs to do.

fedupofnamechanging · 06/10/2010 16:43

I'd be seriously pissed off with my DH if he did this. I get on with my own thing all the time when my MIL is here and I expect my DH to entertain her. His mother, not mine.

It's not rude to do the things you planned to do, given that they came round without you inviting them.

femalevictormeldrew · 06/10/2010 16:49

The bit that caught my eye was that they let themselves in. I have had to get my husband to take our spare key off my MIL's car keys as she took it twice without asking. But your general relationship with your MIL is probably an awful lot better than mine.