To think health professionals have seen a birthmark before?

[strawberrybaby]

Especially health professionals who work with children.....

My baby daughter has a strawberry birthmark on her forehead. It's about the size of a 5p, bright red and slightly raised. Anyone who knows me in real life now knows exactly who is posting this!

I appreciate that young children/people in general are curious or shocked or whatever and will ask questions/point/stare (or tell me that I really should "get it zapped", because "she's a girl". Grrr)

But today, for probably the fifth or sixth time a health professional has done this, a health visitor at the local SureStart swooped on us in the waiting area exclaiming "ohhh! You've had a nasty accident! What happened?".

This follows on from other occasions when hps have assumed it's an injury, commented or otherwise drawn attention to my daughter's birthmark.

The worst time was when the baby massage instructor (SureStart again) asked in front of the whole group "what's that on her head? Is it a birthmark?" and then proceeded to talk about it at length. This was at the point when I was still feeling upset at the appearance of dd's strawberry and feeling self concious about it. I went bright red and nearly cried.

These days I am, generally, at peace with her "trademark". But I am quite disbelieving that a health professional who works with children has a) not seen a strawberry birthmark before- one in ten children have them and b) has not been trained to be more tactful despite their curiosity.

AIBU, oversensitive etc?

I think if you take the stance that birthmarks are normal and nothing to be embarassed about then you have to accept that they will come up in conversation occasionally. And health professionals (in my limited experience) love chatting about scars and unusual features.. I think they find them interesting, that's all.

Yabu and oversensitive.

They should have more tact in my opinion.

My DD who is 5 months has strawberry mark on forehead though its not very noticeable. No-one has ever mentioned it. I mentioned it to our HV (as wanted to make sure it was birthmark) and she confirmed.

My DS who is 2.7 also has strawberry mark high on forehead. We were often asked "whats that?" by health officials but no big deal was made.

Tact is often lost in healthcare I think.

Hmmm - YANBU.

Is your daughter my niece? My brother gets this too.

My DD has one on her back...it's almost gone now she is 2 and a half...how old is your DD?

I would be tempted to complain if I were you...there was a thread on here about Surestart not long ago...a few complaints about ignorant/bossy Surestart instructors.

Maybe you need a few comebacks....my niece has a very bad limp and as a child people would ask her "Oh dear...what have you done to yourself now!" and she wold say "I have a congenital birth defect" in a deadpan spooky 3 year old way....
now your DD's birthmark is more of a sensitive issue....if I were you the next person who commented on it I would fire them down with a remark about THEIR appearance....and then smile sweetly and say "It's not always ok to bring up appearances is it?" Some people might be ok with it...you are not...which is why people need to zip their mouths in my opinion.

I see why people suggest that you ignore comments...but really...why should she? It's HER DD and her DD has an anomaly....and not everyone WANTS to discuss their anomalies do they? So caution is the best approach.

As a HV Im appalled that this HV didnt know it was a birth mark and also that she was so tactless to draw attention to it.
I really despair at the standards of some fellow HVs

Sorry to hear that.

My DD was born with one on her "cleavage". For want of a better description! I sort of clocked it at some point during her first few days of life, thought "birthmark, interesting" and pondered that if it didn't go away of its own accord I'd give her the opportunity to have it zapped at such an age she asked, probably when she started wearing low cut tops (DH said this would be never so a moot point ) and forgot about it.

Noticed the other day its kind of gone...slight shadow of it if I look hard. She's having her birthday in 2 weeks.

To answer your question - yeah that must be starting to grate! Bloody surestart, dont get me started, or I'll go on, for sure! (No, I dont have to be "grateful" because its free, I just dont go and reserve the right to roll my eyes)

Is it possible that the massage instructor was trying to make everyone aware that it was a birthmark and NOT a result of an injury/blow?
I remember it being whispered that my daughter had been "held down and there was a thumb print on her back" which later went on to "she's got a bite mark" as the neavus faded a bit

Anenome, she's 8 months now. It has stopped growing and seems to be fading. I'm glad about this, but only because I have seen the open-mouthed gawps from children and heard them asking their parents about it. One little boy just stood and pointed and screamed "muuuum!". I obviously don't hold this against them but I don't want dd to encounter these reactions when she gets older. Que sera sera, though.

My point about health professionals specifically is that it really surprises me that they don't recognise a strawberry birthmark. And professionally I would have thought they'd been taught to engage their brains for a second before opening their mouths, and just think about what it might be and whether it's tactful to point it out.

Also, I wouldn't take it upon myself to comment on some aspect of a person's appearance, child or adult.

allstarsprincess- possibly! Although I'd be surprised to find my sil on mumsnet!

ratspeaker- a bite mark?! How hurtful to imply that! You may be right about the massage instructor, I hadn't thought of that.

Generally I say to people "it's a birthmark, don't worry, it doesn't hurt her"- giving them the benefit of the doubt that they were being concerned rather than tactless. I shouldn't have to say this to health visitors though surely- aren't they suppsoed to know about childhood "afflictions"?

I am usually fine, but sometimes it does my head in when for the fifth time that day I've trilled calmly "it's a birthmark".

I have a large strawberry birthmark running from my hand up to my neck. I'm 34 years old and have been asked questions about it during virtually every contact I've ever had with a health professional (apart from my GP and the practice nurse). This has included a midwife (wihtin the last month).

Like you strawberrybaby I can accept that children who may never have seen one will sometimes point, stare or ask what it is. IMO that's fine, I always tell them the truth and they immediately lose interest . But I strongly feel that health professionals, even if they've not seen a strawberry birthmark, should have the necessary skills to deal with a situation sensitively and discretely. If they really need to ask (and they might have good cause to) it shouldn't be 'announced' in a way that draws additional attention. I particularly feel for new mums who have a baby with an obvious birthmark as I can completely appreciate that it must take a bit of getting used to.

strawberrybaby YADNBU

( [bisuit] geekoftheweek - I'd be interested to know your personal experiences of either having a birthmark yourself or having a child with one)

Strawberry, in my experience many Healtcare professionals are clueless when it comes to birthmarks. Have had lots of odd comments concerning my DD.

My DD (3.5) has a hemangioma on her lip, it is quite noticable and people have commented on it since it first appeared when she was around 6 weeks. People seem to fall into three catagories,
i) Completely tactless- who ask insensitive questions, point it out, say, oh, what a shame she's so pretty (like her lip makes her ugly)

ii) People who's children also have prominant facial birthmarks and who are generally kind and resassuring (eg My DS's disappeared by the time he was 7 etc)

iii) Children who are curious and ask politely and are satisfied with a simple answer.

To be honest I have learnt to shrug it off, but now DD has started nursery she is learning to deal with it herself and asking me about it all the time. She is fine with it, perhaps a little self conscious when tactless adults make comments, but can explain to others what it is without any problem. IMO it makes her who she is, my beautiful DD and she knows that.

What makes me fuming is adults, whether they be healthcare professionals or not, making tactless comments in front of her, some adults just don't have a clue.

You are not being over sensitive or unreasonable, people can be tactless.

I'm actually quite surprised at the general ignorance as they are quite common. DD has one on her thigh and at 20 months it's slowly starting to fade. Also I don't find them 'ugly' iyswim. Just ignore.

I bloody would Strawberrybaby....if some ignoramus had the balls to say something so personal about my child's appearance I would most certainly comment on their looks..might teach them a leson and save aother person some pain. Yor DD's mark will shrink no? They usually do...

Ds1 had a strawberry neavis (sp) on the top of his head, on his soft spot. I got quite used to people asking what terrible accident had caused the injury, so I really wouldn't feel to sensitive about it. I also had people being 'reassuring' about the birthmark with such comments as at least it can be covered with a hat, or will be covered by his hair, or the best by far, at least it's on a boy, not a girl. These did annoy me but I just smiled sweetly and said it wouldn't bother me where it was or what sex it was on, it is part of him and I am not bothered by it.

It isn't just health visitors, some doctors are just as bad.

My sister was accused by her son's nursery staff of abusing her son because he had a mongolian blue spot birthmark across his bottom. They were then backed up by a visiting GP who wanted to call social services.

She'd gone to the GP to get a letter explaining the birthmark. He was obviously clueless and tried to insist they were bruises.

Luckily after she informed the GP he was crazy and walked out with her son, he decided to check with her regular GP and ended up coming to the house to apologise.

She'd spent the day in tears thinking her child was at the point of being taken away from her.

Our whole family is so aware of the stress she went through, every child that is born is checked for the marks and we make sure it is recorded by the midwife in the red book before leaving the hospital.

A close family member had a huge strawberry birthmark covering almost half their face when they were little.
I only really know that from photos because as a child it had little/no impact on what I thought of them.
It's now so faded you'd never know it had been there.
And they are rich and sucessful

some hvs and nursery nurses on surestart are horrendous, one attempted to make a full analyses of my very complicated and traumatic birth as i mixed feed my child, also scared the hell out of me by telling me that i most likely have scarred tissue in my breast and will never be able to breast feed a child, my gp had a go at her, as i went to her devastated i will never be able to breast feed, for telling nonsense to people and talk about what she doesn't know, she is now happily retired, for the rest of us i mean.

yanbu, complain, loud and clear, a birth mark is not a disease, it is nothing wrong with her.

I do feel for you strawberry.
DD was born with a heamanoma (sp) about the size of a jammy dodger and about twice the thickness. It was on her bottom rib below her left ribcage and the docs immediately checked her out as aparently they are like icebergs being that two thirds of it would be below the surface of the skin. They were concerned as it was positioned over her liver. But all was well and I was told it'll go by the time she's 2. She's 16 and has reduced to a spidery veined pattern. She is used to it and has decided not to laser it off.
Adults were the worst in her case.

My ds was born with a portwine stain birthmark which coverved the right hand side of his face from his cheekbone to collarbone and behind his ear. Portwine stains get darker as you age so we decided to laser this off gradually while he was young enough.
I could only going for the treatment 9 times as it was general anaesthetic every time. So it hasn't gone completely. Again adults are the worst offenders here. He has learned how to deal with people and just say 'It' a birthmark'
Again the health professionals were uneducated I found as whenever I took him to see someone they thought it was either a serious rash or an injury or didn't believe me.

I suppose they can't know everything but you are right TACT would have been a start

YADNBU. My DS has a largish strawberry mark on his forehead. It does draw people's attention, but he's 18 months now and we've got used to it so I sometimes get a bit confused as to what they are looking at. HVs have made comments as have other mums, dads, postmen, window cleaners. I've given up explaining what it is now, but when my baby was little it did worry me and I was very sensitive about his mark. Now I love it as much as his fat little legs and penchant for custard. He'll either grow out of it or have a Jsaon Donovan floppy fringe in later life :o

YANBU. My DS2 has a strawberry nevis around size of 1p coin and raised on his chest. No HV had commented eg when he is being weighed, and GP said it would probably fade over time. He is now 6 months old.

im sorry to say this strawberrybaby but i think you are definitely being oversensitive, my dd had a good sized strawberry birthmark on her face so have been through the experience of her being pointed at and asked questions. i'll admit that more often than not people were very tactless and would just say "eurgh! whats that?" but it never made me want to cry its just one of them things and thankfully it never really bothered my dd, she just took it in her stride as she knew no different. i do agree though that the sure start lady incident was very tactless, that wasn't the time, place or way to express herself :(. my dd is 4 now though and the strawberry mark disappeared last year.