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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you want your child christened..

43 replies

narna · 04/10/2010 15:57

you shouldnt be moaning about having to go to church first?
I was chatting to a girl this morning who was doing this and just thought WTF?

OP posts:
FerrisBueller · 04/10/2010 15:58

Confused i thought that was the point?

Original poster
narna · 04/10/2010 15:59

me too,i got the impression it was just a party to her ....

OP posts:
Serendippy · 04/10/2010 16:02

Why people have their children Christened when they do not believe in the religion and have no intention of fulfilling the promises they make on the day is beyond me. What is wrong with a naming ceremony?

Ladyanonymous · 04/10/2010 16:02

It amazes me how many of my non religious friends have their children christened yet never attend church? Confused

Why would you do that?

ethelina · 04/10/2010 16:04

My best friend did exactly that - to give her ds a better choice of primary school! I was Not Impressed. In the end he's gone to private school anyway!!!

Tokyotwist · 04/10/2010 16:04

I hear this a lot. I've never understood why someone who isn't religous would want their child Christened. Is it some sort of insurance policy just in case you're wrong.

I'm not by the way. Used to go to church, but haven't in so long as I've started questioning what little faith I had. I would feel very hypocritical getting dd christened.

But friends and family who are even worse than me have all asked when I'm going to Christen her Hmm.

AMumInScotland · 04/10/2010 16:04

You mean, that a christening was something that happened in a church? Or that the vicar expected them to go before the actual date of the christening?

nickelbabe · 04/10/2010 16:07

AMIS - i'm assuming she means to go to church, as in to attend services, before they had DC christened (not in the same service as the christening).

I can't imagine why someone who didn't want to bring their child up in the church would want them christened anyway. Confused

southeastastra · 04/10/2010 16:07

people have always done it, like getting married in church isn't it?

don't really see why it would bother op though - none of your business is it

Tokyotwist · 04/10/2010 16:08

Loads of things aren't our business but we still have an opinion on them. It isn't like she told the friend off, is it?

MumInBeds · 04/10/2010 16:09

I think most churches now offer two services, one traditional Christening to families who want to be involved in churchgoing and Christian life and a Thanksgiving for those who want a special naming day in a church.

southeastastra · 04/10/2010 16:09

yes and that's my opinion Wink

Tokyotwist · 04/10/2010 16:10

Touche

iliketosleep · 04/10/2010 16:13

I am getting my DC christened this year. I am atheist but I still help out at the church. Also DD1 attends church every week. It is through my DC choice that they would like to be christened. Just because the parent doesn't believe doesn't mean that the child wont later on in life.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/10/2010 16:14

I think not enough people know abot the possibility of naming ceremonies and want to have a party and mark the arrival of a child in some way.
I contemplated doing it (naming ceremony, not anything religious) for DS but was basically too skint. It hasn't done him any noticeable harm.

TheFallenMadonna · 04/10/2010 16:20

I don't think it's unreasonable really to want a christening. Rather like a church wedding, it's a cultural thing for many people. Plus there might be family expectations. That said, for a church it is baptism, and therefore something to be taken seriously, so I don't think the church is unreasonable to ask for some understanding about their end of the deal. I think the person the OP was speaking too can moan all she likes to other people, as long as she does what is asked with good grace.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/10/2010 16:21

YANBU.

wonka · 04/10/2010 16:25

I am an occasional church atendee but have had my children baptised to me its part of giving them identity, my name is x, I'm british and * insert religion of your choice.

jobobpip08 · 04/10/2010 16:27

YANBU - my SIL did this for all 4 of hers, I think she liked being the centre of attention and getting all the presents.

Olifin · 04/10/2010 16:36

I know quite a few people who got married in church and had their DCs christened but who don't go to church. I have always felt it was hypocritical but I'm not so sure now.

It's not for me to question whether or not someone is a Christian, on the basis of whether or not they go to church. Perhaps they worship in their own way at home.

But then I don't know much about Christianity so am probably talking nonsense.

flibbertigibbert · 04/10/2010 16:46

YANBU. An acquaintance is currently planning the christening of her two grandsons (one of whom is named Hunter), and it appears to be just an excuse to have a good knees up. They're doing a booze cruise especially for the after party. It seems very hypocritical to me.

yellowflowers · 04/10/2010 16:50

yanbu - but I think lots of people see it as something that just happens, like weddings in churches. I wouldn't do it though.

FattyArbuckel · 04/10/2010 16:53

FallenMadonna says it well

xstitch · 04/10/2010 16:58

Yanbu it is a strange attitude imo. Not a strange request from the church.

To those of you who question those who have their children christened but don't go to church here is my situation:

I had me dd christened because I believed and wanted her to be brought up in the church. However after my now XH left me it was made pretty clear to me that I was no longer welcome as a raving hussy. Made it difficult for me to bring myself to go. I then got a job that involved working 3 out of 4 weekends. I let someone else take dd when I was working. The final straw came when dd spent a Sunday night crying because she was scared I was going to die. She had been told that mummy was going to hell because I had gone to work instead of somewhere important like chucrch.

In short I had every intention of keeping the vows I made at her christening but as my circumstances changed I felt I could no longer keep them although I still read her the bible and explain things to her.

tholeon · 04/10/2010 17:03

eek Xstich, how horrible! Find a different Church: they are not all like that.

OP no, not unreasonable.