to think that if you want your child christened..

[narna]

you shouldnt be moaning about having to go to church first?
I was chatting to a girl this morning who was doing this and just thought WTF?

Yes it is rather odd.
We see this a lot (dh a vicar). A bit of bemusement that he (the church) expects the family to attend for 4 sundays prior to the baptism. As much as anything it is so that the baby (child) does not panic when confronted with a strange event, in a strange place, by a strange man with loads of strange people watching.

My dh insists that the baptism happens in the Sunday service as being baptised is mant to be becoming part of the famaily of God, not simply a private party to which you only invite your (mostly) unchurched friends - it is joining with the congregation to celebrate the life of your child. People are sometimes a little affronted that they are not allowed their own private service - but hey, their problem.

Once dh had a couple turn up for the rehearsal of their baby's baptism. yes, just the couple. not sure how they thought they were going to practice without the baby . But it kind of highlights the fact that people often don't see it as a important family event - just a little inconvenience to get though before you can parade your offspring in their pretty dress.

am i ranting? sorry. . On the plus side we have "kept" a few families subsequent to the baptism which is lovely. they have realised that church is where they want to be, and it was the simple act of getting their child baptised which made them see this :)

xstitch - whoah, what a nasty place:(
come to us we're lovely and have all sorts of set ups. out of interest was it a regular c of e church or something different?

xstitch your church was bang out of order doing that to you. that is not what christianity is about. Please try again with a different church - churches are there to create a kind of family and should be friendly and supportive. :(

Xstich so sorry to hear you were made to feel like that. Try somewhere else, many are far more friendly to single parent families, the one I go to make sure they provide baby sitters so the single parent can go out sometimes, and not just to church events.

alittle you have described the situation well, the baby and the family are normaly much more relaxed if they have been to church before.

It was presbyterian alittlebitshy. Some members now cross the road to avoid me if they see me at the shops. I want to move areas not just church :(

xstitch goodness they sound an atrocious bunch of people. boo hiss.

as nickebabe says PLEASE try another church - even if just to prove that that nutty place is not representative of all Christian places of worship.

Maybe she is having the christening to please grendparents? So the religous aspect isn't important to her bu is to them - I can imagine I'd get a bit fed up with having to go to church in those circumstances.

I would much rather my DC weren't baptised but it is important to DH and these are the compromises we sometimes have to make. He is RC and I am agnostic.

Perhaps the OP overheard someone in a similar situation to ours? You could say I am hypocritical for getting my DC Christened when I'm not a church-goer, but if it was solely my decision to make, they would not be.

To be fair, I don't complain about actually attending church - I just let DH go. It's his gig. :)

5dollar - that is different, i feel. we have a number of families where only one parent brings the children. :)

I am a Christian. Don't want my DC baptised as a baby.

Different people and different denominations have varying views on the infant baptism thing.

No right or wrong, just what sits well with the parents own hearts.

I was baptised as an adult, would love my DC to have a believers baptism in later years.

OP - I don't think you're being U, I think I'd feel the same.

Don't believe in god so didn't have ds christenend.
I was told that I should as ds nearly died how would I feel if god turned him away in heaven.
I said if god was the sort of person to turn a baby away just because he hadn't been christenend then he wasn't a very nice person or god was he?

I personally think that nobody should be Christened until they choose it. You are making vows that as the child grows up they may not belive in. A naming ceromony to me sounds do much better.

Not about the OP, but some of the subsequent posts.
Surely the Christening is about the parent/parents promising to take them to church (if only occasionally) and ensure they know at least some of the bible stories and to show that you believe in God etc.
The confirmation is for the child to say Yes I also believe.

We had both our daughters christened mainly because we wanted them to have godparents. I still have a brilliant relationship with my (surviving) godfather and really value having an extra link with a select number of my parents' friends.

Some of the godparents chosen are more religous than us & some have little or no faith but they are all people who we wanted to be involved in our children's lives now & in the future. Having people who know your parents but aren't family can be a wonderful thing - I found mine particularly useful as 'grown up sounding-boards' when I was a grumpy teenage & therefore biologically incapable of listening to my own parents' advice.

I know that a naming ceremony could have provided 'ungodly' parents but I am also a traditionalist and value the Church of England as the place to mark the major events of live (to be silly "hatches, matches & despatches"). Our daughters will be taken to church for the major events of the christian calendar (Christmas, Easter, etc) but not to regular services, but they will always have the option to get more involved when they're older and be confirmed if that is what they want to do.

Both occasions were also followed by good parties (I'm quite happy to admit that) & the wearing of the family christening gown which made the grandparents very happy but these things were not the main reason for the ceremony.

Ditto what Grace said! I kind of believe, in an unconscious sort of way, and would like my kids to grow up knowing the C of E, as it is still the majority faith in this country. If they wish to convert, or just not believe, then that will be their choice. No one will ever tell them they cant do something just because they were christened into the Anglican faith. However, IME it is more complicated to be married in church if you havent been christened, and I would rather that they had that choice when they get to the marrying age. And the godparent thing is wonderful...other non-related, non-school-based adults to have a life-long interest in your child can not be a bad thing.

And BTW we didnt do it for the party, we only had grandparents and godparents in attendance, and a cake and a glass of bubbly afterwards!

The word Christening is part of the problem. By the ceremony parents aren't making their child a Christian as the word suggests. People become Christians by choosing to follow Christ for themselves.

Baptism is a less loaded word, but I still personally have a problem with infant baptism.

5dollar you are me or I am you except I am not agnostic, I am of the atheist persuasion. DH is a practicing catholic and his faith is important to him. The way I look at it is this, DD can choose what she wants to do when she is older, but, if we don't introduce her to god/jesus now, she's not going to turn round at 14 and wonder about the church.
I am happy to compromise my principles for this thing.

Yanbu DD is not Christened even though I attend church. My DH is not religious and he felt it hypocritical to stand there and say he believes in God. DD can make her own mind later.