would you tell your child/ren, how painful giving birth to them was....

[ElenorRigby]

and if so what age and why...
sorry to post this in aibu, just seeking many opinions/feedback

I'd say it hurt a bit but it was worth it. Don't want to put them off too much - you might not get any grandkids.

DD is 15months, so it won't come up tomorrow. But I have thought about it, and fortunately I had an uncomplicated labour and recovery so would be happy to share the details in reply to specific questions.
I don't know how I'd feel if things hadn't been straight-forward.

Yes, I think I have told them as part of the general story of "how you were born". But in a cheerful joking way. But then they will gather from my manner that I am not traumatised by it and that it did not particularly frighten me.

Besides, I talk a lot about my life experiences in general (we all talk a lot in my family). So they also know about the time I had pleurisy and it hurt like hell. As long as you are not scared or upset when recalling something, I think it's quite ok to talk about it.

I told mine because I think it would have been MUCH better if I'd KNOWN it would hurt a lot. I really thoguht it would be mild like dentistry, and it wasn't. The second time I was prepared for it and so I coped better, so I'm all for frankness and wish people had been franker with me. I also said I was a wuss.

I also told both my chiildren that it was really bad and utterly and entirely worth it.

I have been asked and was able to say in complete honesty 'no darlings it didn't hurt at all', but then I had caesareans!

If my daughter asks, I tell her the truth. She needs to be aware. It might make her consider contraception a little more carefully. To be honest, I think labour was "hard bloody work" with no pain relief but the first six weeks of having a baby was sheer torture.

Considering the work I do with the NCT (I am a BreastFeeding Counsellor so work closely with Antenatal teachers) My children all know a fair bit about childbirth

my 12 and 10 year olds both know that it is painful have both watched some of the childbirth programmes that has been on.

I do not make it specific to them but if they once adult and pregnant themsevels wishes to know more I have each of my children's birth stories written up. I would only offer them up if they asked specific not in other points

Yes I have loads of times!!!!

I have two boys of 14 and nearly 11.

They talk about everything from Black Holes, club Penguin, Bmxing and Chylamedia!!

I mean that in a way that they will say things like 'Mum I heard that ........... Is it true? 'Mum what's it like when......?

DS1 is involved with Brook so he knows about STI's, pregnancy, condoms, relationships and so on. He has asked questons about his own birth and I tell him and DS2 the funny things that happened as well as the realities e.g his dad driving me to the wrong hospital before we realised we were going the wrong way..... Not so bloody funny at the time!

They know about breastfeeding v ff, how to be a supportive and so on. I'm just hoping it's not going to be anytime soon!

My mum told me when I asked, I was about 10 I think. I can safely say it was more painful than she described, but then that was no surprise to me by then, I'm a MW

No. Well maybe if they actually asked me if it hurt.

Never. I've told ds that he was very poorly as a baby and that the doctors saved his life but he really doesn't need to know the details.

Maybe. I'll also say that it was all worth it and tell them about the feeling when I had them for the first time in my arms !

No, would just tell them about how wonderful epidurals are and that there is absolutely no need to put up with the pain if they don't want to!! Might tell them that giving birth is the easy bit, it's the next 21+ years that are the real slog.

I had DD2 at home so I did tell DD1 that it hurt (I also had to collect her from JuJitsu and put her to bed while in labour - DH at football - so she might have noticed )

She knows that I woke the neighbours up, but I don't think she has any real idea how much pain

Yes, I will. My mum told me how much it bloody hurt when I was pregnant with DS and I am glad she was honest and prepared me for what was going to happen. I felt better able to cope.

I had a friend who hadn't a clue and panicked right at the first contractions. If I have a daughter I wouldn't want her to feel that way.

That said, I will not be telling them when they are children, I would rather wait until they ask and it is relevant.

my mum always told us it was just a bit uncomfortable, not that bad really. Until I was in labour with DS, and she called me and DH handed me the phone, whereupon I moaned through a contraction at her then hung up. Apparently she promptly burst into tears and told my 2 sisters and brother that labour was the single most excruciating pain she'd experienced, and it was 'killing' her that her baby was going through it too. I later found out that with me (1st born) she'd had a 3 day labour with induction and every pain relief going - exactly what happened to me (except added detail of forceps for DS).

I wish I'd known TBH, as I spent a few days after the birth thinking I was the biggest failure in the world for not managing a natural bith on G+A within the 12 hour time frame oft quoted, especially since mum had always told us she's never needed any pain releif with any of us. Except the pethidine and G+A of course...

Not read any replies.

Yes I've said to my dc (8 and 6) in a jokey way: 'It blooming well hurt!'

Obviously I wouldn't say 'I thought I was going to split in two, was praying I'd die, had second degree tears and bled for 2 weeks'

My dd thinks it's hilarious a baby comes out of your 'bagina'!

My mum always said it wasn't that bad.. and that she just breathed through every contraction and laboured pretty much all on her own with me because dads weren't allowed in the labour ward back then and the midwife was too busy to attend to her. No pain relief, no help. I think hearing that story over and over again made me confident that I could do it too and I was never scared of giving birth. So yes she did probably paint a way too rosy picture but it helped me feel strong and positive about giving birth myself.

No idea yet what I will tell my dds though

Thing is, there is no way of describing that pain anyway... I think you have to experience it to understand.

Yes, of course. My mother did. I expect that is why I wasn't frightened of giving birth naturally.

I disagree with the statement of telling them would make them feel beholden to you.

Mine asked what it was like and does it hurt.
i have said that both pregancies were very different and the births were different. Like I said I've not shielded them from the facts but I have told them lots of tales about the time in hospital what happened, who came to visit, etc.
No guilt trips there. It was just a story of events.

I have wondered about this in the 3 weeks since DD arrived. I am not sure that I would go into the full details as I think it would be fair to say that it didn't go well - initial epidural worked only on one side, forceps, nerve damage to me which has given me a temporary limp and an infected episiotomy/tear which opened right up again and is due to be restitched next week (ouch). I want grandchildren one day and don't think that the full story would have benefitted me if it came from my mum. I would certainly emphasise how much it meant to me that she arrived without any damage and that most people don't have these postnatal health issues (though some do have worse). I think I would focus on how supportive other people have been.

I think that the fear of childbirth makes it more painful. I do not want to scare my daughter.

A lot of people enjoy telling really gory birth stories. Sometimes mothers can be really competitive who had the worst birth.

Yes, births can be hideous, but there is no need to make your daughter terrified of giving birth. When her time comes she will need good ante natal education and to put her trust in those looking after her.