would you tell your child/ren, how painful giving birth to them was....

[ElenorRigby]

and if so what age and why...
sorry to post this in aibu, just seeking many opinions/feedback

What would be the point of that? To make them feel guilty, and beholden to you?

Even if I was having a frank discussion about childbirth, I don't think I'd make it personal in that way.

I told my dd when she asked (I think she was 9-10) that it was painful until the epidural kicked in!. I don't hide the fact that IS very painful but I also point out that painkillers are available & that we don't live in the Dark Ages.

Errr why?

I wouldn't, I can't think of a reason how it'd ever come up either.

My boys birth was painful but an awesome experience. I've already told him he swam out of me into the water :D

I can't imagine being that open and honest about it unless I was talking to an adult DD. When I was pg I asked my mum a little about her experiences as we discussed pain relief and so on. That didn't feel awkward.

But until then I think it will be something like 'Yes, it did hurt but it was worth it when I saw you'.

Mind you DD is only 2, so not something we're likely to discuss for a while yet!

My mums been telling me for years.It hasnt affected me in anyway.I wouldnt advise it though

Interesting question. I see no point in telling young children, but why wouldn't you tell a teenage daughter about realities of birth? Might help them focus on birth control!

I read a book called The Mask of Motherhood which dealt with this. It questioned why we as women never really discuss the harsh realities of child bearing and birth prior to going through the processes. I can't remember what theories it came up with for why this was. Will have to dig it out....

Yes. but only in a joking kind of way.

DD is obsessed with babies and pregnancy etc.
I have let her watch a couple of maternity programms on tv. none too graphic.

Ds has seen a couple too. They both asked why the lady screams and cries so much.

I explained that the lady has to try and push the baby out of her vagina. that the vagina is usually quite small but it stretches to let the baby out. I said that this hurts quite a lot.

Ds askedabout his birth. It was a very traumatic and some 70 odd hours long including epesiotomy, fetal monitors, forceps and ventous etc.
I didn;t give him details as such but i did tell him that the Dr's had a tough time getting him out and that as it was taking so long i was very tired so they had to make a cut to help get him out.
He asked if this hurt more than usual mummy's would hurt. I said yes a bit.

We now giggle together about how he has been a pain in the bum from birth.

He isn't freaked out by it or offended at all. I like that he understands it all and knows that i love him even though he put me through hell

No - why would I?

Mum used to joke about it being like shitting a watermelon / television and told me that it was painful and I was a forceps delivery - probably as soon as I was old enough to understand the mechanics of childbirth, so about 7ish. But I only discovered I was back to back, she was in labour for 3 days, she had a 3rd degree tear, after I had given birth to my own DS.

I also discovered the very sad details of my grandma's premature stillbirth after I'd given birth. She was frantic when I went into labour early as she thought I'd lose him like she lost hers.

I'd probably have the same attitude - I will tell my DS that he was prem and that labour hurts a lot, but nothing else.

Yes, in a jovial type way. Have told her she was a lazy so and so who kept dozing off and didn't want to be born as was too comfy meaning I had to have a cs to get her out. DD also knows that she made me very sick in the early days, used to wake me up with her hichups in later pregnancies and used to bounce about n my bladder in the night. She, at 8y, thanks it is all pretty holarious and tells others about it.

DD went through a stage a couple of years or so back, of watching pregnancy and birth typoe programmesand asking questions. So, she knows birth can hurt but knows that it is natural and ok, and that if it gets too bad women can have pain killers, etc.

DD and DS1 were home when ds2 was born. In case they woke up, I told them in the run up that giving birth is painful, but that it is worth it. And not to be worried about any noises...

They were 6 and 4. DD has seen someone giving birth on television. Not fazed by it at all.

But I don't see why you wouldn't tell. I mean, obviously not "oh the agonies I went through" and "and then I could feel the tearing". But I don't see why one wouldn't admit that pushing a baby through a vagina is a tight squeeze and it hurts.

I had an elcs, so literally no pain. But I will explain to her in an age appropriate way as and when she asks about her birth. I hope I can judge it well, and mix being honest with not providing more info than she wants to know!

Whilst I think of it Dh also knew he was a difficult birth too. he certainly knew before i met hm and I met him at 16y. He has dints in his forehead an somewhere near the back of his head from forceps as he was a difficult birth. He is not upset or offended by knowing this and knows that his mum loves him unconditionally reardless of the difficulties ofhos birth. Since having DD she has told us more and it was a hard labour and DH was really at risk at times.

so far we've only talked about the sunroof option (ds1) and the usual route (the other two) rather than the pain part. can't see the point in going on about it tbh apart from in a factual way 'yes it hurts but after the baby's born all the pain stops' etc. I'd like to think I could talk to my dd about it before she gave birth though - top tips kind of way rather than 'omg it's gruesome'

I know a relative who has (shared this with my 7yo relative)
Its not something I would do no, not at that age.

I would only share such info,
if specifically asked by the relative who was actually pregnant.

Mine asked so I told them. But in truth their births were fast and furious and had some quite amusing moments (not sure I was laughing at the time but you know, in hindsight!). Mine are incredibly fascinated by all things bodily so it was nothing out of the ordinary for them to ask or me to tell them if that makes sense.

My children have asked me if childbirth hurts and I've been honest and told them yes. However I've had generally v positive experiences of giving birth and I've made that known to them as well.

Yes, but only because DD asked (took me a bit by surprise, but they'd been new siblings born to classmates and she was a but obsessed). I told her it was exhausting because all your muscles have to work so hard. DD chipped in to ask if it was like pooing, and I had to restrain myself from saying "like shitting a concrete melon", and said that it was a bit like the biggest, hardest poo imaginable, but so worth it because when it was over, there was the baby.

I do hope the subject doesn't come up again!

I told mine it was agony, they found it hilarious, all done in a jovial way though.

If my DD ever asks me, say when she's grown up and expecting her own baby, I'd tell her the truth. That yes, it does hurt, some more than others but there is plenty of pain relief to choose from and ime anyway, all the hardwork (it isn't called labour for nothing) is worth it when the midwife lays the baby on your chest/hands him/her to you.

I doubt I'd ever tell her exactly how much pain I was in as what is the point? Don't want to put her off ever having her own. Anyway not everyone's labour is the same.

Like pooka I have had homebirths and am not quiet so i didn't want them to be scared. Prior to DD3 we watched a few on tv not that gory. I told them it hurts when the baby is coming out and screaming helps you to push the baby out. But I also said that the minute you see the baby us the best moment ever.

Of course my mother told me from an early age how she nearly died having me, placental abruption, she cannot remember me being born, and was in bed and unable to see me until I was 3 days old, I was also in hospital for 6 weeks, I never think she bonded with me seriously. Then we get the tale of my brothers 2 hour painters labour and my dad crying!

I can't see any reason to discuss pain & birth in the same sentance to my young child. I want them to view birth as the wonderful life affirming experience it is. When/if my daughter is pg I will tell her all about her pain-relief free homebirth.