Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to FIL's birthday meal?

31 replies

MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 19:49

Evening ladies, my husband and I get on very very well with his parents (my inlaws). However my dh's brother married a complete beast of a human being, that no one really gets on with. I have rarely spoken to her as she's a known trouble maker, and my bil (my dh's brother) has not even held my ds, and has nothing to do my dh since he married her (she's 12 years his junior and 2 years younger than me at my old age of 24). My fil's birthday is coming up in November and my mother in law rang me to ask if we'd like to go for a meal, however my brother in laws wife will be there (she not so long ago threatened to hit me and my child-she's rough) so we have declined and said we'd go take him for a meal the night before. I feel terrible because perhaps he'd like all the family together, but on the other hand I don't want there being a horrible atmosphere and I don't think I can bring myself to be near her. AIBU for declining...am I being petty?

OP posts:
Talker2010 · 02/10/2010 19:57

I think that you are being unreasonable to be honest

Why should your in laws not be allowed to make their family plans and have all their children with them on a special occassion

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 19:59

Because she threatened to hit a 7 mo baby? Would I be an irresponsible parent for allowing her near to my family?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/10/2010 20:00

How did she threaten the baby? What was said?

pooka · 02/10/2010 20:01
Shock

SHe threatened to hit a 7month old baby! She sounds unhinged. Or was she joking? IN a really bad, no kids yet, rather immature kind of way?

jaffacake2 · 02/10/2010 20:01

It seems sad for your inlaws that you wont be there.Can you stand up to her if she says anything especially as you will have the rest of the family there?

She sounds immature and attention seeking. I would protect your child and treat her with polite contempt. That way she might learn how to behave and you wont feel intimidated.

If she doesnt get the attention perhaps she will shut up!

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 20:03

Well my husband rang his brother to ask about something, and she was literally screaming down the phone "Tell her I'll come and fing kick her head in and her little b**d child". It was completely un provoked as I tend not to mix with people like that. So my husband hung up the phone and we haven't spoken since, and I reported the incident to the police and my dh is often out of the house and she has about 20 stone on me.

OP posts:
pointydog · 02/10/2010 20:03

I would give it a go to see if the rift can be healed.

Why did she threaten to hit you and a baby?

pointydog · 02/10/2010 20:04

But why did she scream that? It is making no sense so far.

maxpower · 02/10/2010 20:04

Do you think she'd actually try to hit either you or your DC in the presence of the rest of the family? I suspect she wouldn't and in that case, if your FIL wants you there I think you should go.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 20:05

she has a 2 year old daughter...but to call her a mother would be a bit unrealistic. She still feeds her solely on milk until her dh gets home as she cannot be bothered to make food for her. But her parenting skills are nothing to do with me, even if she forces her child to watch tv all day strapped in her pram

OP posts:
jaffacake2 · 02/10/2010 20:06

Why is she so angry at you? Drugs or drink fuelled from her?

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 20:07

I don't understand why she was screaming, we have no mutual friends we live in 2 different towns, but she is spoilt and she had the first grandchild, my ds came in second but he is the baby. PLus she moved to this area about 2 years ago where as we have been here for 10 years, so she is kind of an outsider. my mother thinks it's jealousy. I think she's crazy.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/10/2010 20:07

There seems more to this....did she really randomly say that without any prior conversation?

maxpower · 02/10/2010 20:08

It's clear you can't stand her but I don't think her parenting (or apparent lack of) is really relevent to this dilemma

pointydog · 02/10/2010 20:08

How do you know so much about her daily life if you have hardly ever even spoken to her?

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 20:08

she gambles, I don't know if she drinks. Our rift began when she said "You shouldn't have children if you want to go to work, you're going to be an unfit parent". and I kindly told her to mind her own business. Her dh has told her he doesn't want more children and she desperately wants more...but yeah she is unhinged a little.

OP posts:
Whitethorn · 02/10/2010 20:09

You are being unreasonable, steer clear for the night. Its not fair to take it out on in laws

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 20:10

Because the man she married was my best friend for many years and when he met her he told me everything about her, and still rang me and spoke to me well into their marriage...until she put a stop to it, but I mean he's my bil...and he used to ring me when she was bingo and say how annoyed he is and how if he didnt have a child he'd leave etc etc. Many of my friends have tried for his sake to befriend her but they;ve all steered well clear.

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 02/10/2010 20:12

ah, bit of jealousy that her DH was best friends with you perhaps? - thinks he holds a bit of a torch for you?

maxpower · 02/10/2010 20:13

MP86 what is more important to you - potentially hurting your IL's feelings or possibly having a bit of a crappy evening because you've got to sit round the dinner table with B&SIL?

maxpower · 02/10/2010 20:14

(the thought crossed my mind paisley)

fuschiagroan · 02/10/2010 20:15

She sounds like an utter chav...

paisleyleaf · 02/10/2010 20:17

Especially if he was ringing you to moan about her.

I've got a SIL that no one especially relishes spending time with. (In a different way - nothing like yours).
On family occasions, christmases etc; the more of us around, the better it is for everyone. It sort of dilutes her. So in that way it would probably be nicer for everyone for you to go.
However, it sounds like she has got a particular problem with you. Rather than she's just unlikeable.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 02/10/2010 20:22

ha ha ha ha fuschia....I was refraining from using that word!
Perhaps, I met my husband through him, I meani knew him 10 years ago if anything was going to happen it would've done, but I have no interest in him. But perhaps she didn't like him confiding in me, which I guess is understandable. My FIL HATES her. my mil is wonderful and just loves everyone...I don't want to piss them off, but at the same time I think the atmosphere will be terrible with 4 out of the 6 people not talking...my FIL is very important to me, and I know he doesn't like her. My mil asked us first and said if we didn't go she wouldnt invite the beast, because she wouldn't have one without the other. So the ball is in our court.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/10/2010 20:25

I think you need to grow up a bit and stop calling her "the beast".

Swipe left for the next trending thread