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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a bit odd or am I being a bit PFB?

40 replies

FindingReno · 02/10/2010 16:09

Have namechanged as don't want to be identified. Friend dropped in with her DD earlier en route to go home (they live a 4 hour drive away). We have known one another ages and our DDs are the same age (4).

They stayed for a few hours, we had a nice lunch and catch up, children played etc.

When they left my DD went to the loo and me, my friend and her DD happened to be standing in my DD's bedroom. Friend's DD suddenly said she wanted to borrow a toy. So she was walking around my DD's room, picking up things, saying 'can I borrow this? Or this?'

She was picking up things that were not the sort of toy you lend (rabbit alarm clock, vtech computer thing etc) so I said 'errm no, not really'. In the end I gave her something that my DD wouldn't miss very much and she was happy with that.

No problem, wasn't anything that will be particularly missed and like most kids, my DD has loads of toys.

But AIBU to think it's a bit odd that my friend didn't say 'err no, we're not borrowing anything, we live hours away and we have no idea when we can return it' because I think I would have said something like that.

Or am I being really precious? Happy to accept that I am :o

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 02/10/2010 16:15

Don't think your being precious, think it is very odd that the mother didn't say anything to her child.

My DS and his friends often borrow things off each other, but they go to school together and live close by, and negotiate with each other, rather than just wondering around the room looking for something.

I would say something if my DS had done that at 4.

LostArt · 02/10/2010 16:17

No, that's odd. Why would anyone expect to take another childs belonging home with them?

Although you have reminded me of the time my DD friend wanted to take my DD shoes home with her. I had to prise them from her hands before I took her home!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 02/10/2010 16:18

Id find that bloody rude to be honest!

pinkgrasshopper · 02/10/2010 16:21

Really odd. And not a great habit for your friend's DD to get into so your friend really should have said something.

Chil1234 · 02/10/2010 16:24

Queen Mary used to do the same thing apparently. She'd visit somewhere and 'admire' an object, knowing that it would turn up as a gift in due course. The child will go far. :) But if it was mine, I'd have stepped in red-faced with embarrassment!!! YANBU

Original poster
FindingReno · 02/10/2010 16:25

I'm glad you think it's odd too. It was one of those moments that I wasn't sure how to react.

OP posts:
pluperfect · 02/10/2010 16:25

Quite.

PrivetDancer · 02/10/2010 16:30

Very odd, I wouldn't have given them anything.

activate · 02/10/2010 16:32

I'm confused why didn't you say something?

"Sorry no you can't borrow anything we don't allow toys out of the house. But next time you visit you can play with anything you like"

mother would then have taken her cue from you

Anenome · 02/10/2010 16:32

I have met kids like this too....weird...one kid went on SO much that she did take some beads home in the end but I was not happy and her weirdo Mother never said "No they aren't yours" ...some kids are spoilt and think they can have anything.

HeathcliffMoorland · 02/10/2010 16:36

Very strange...

piprabbit · 02/10/2010 16:37

I think a lot of children go through this phase, while they are working out the boundaries between 'mine' and 'not mine'.

What is very strange is the mother's failure to step in and explain to her child that she wasn't going to be borrowing anything.

Original poster
FindingReno · 02/10/2010 16:37

I felt like I had to give her something because my friend wasn't saying no and even said something along the lines of 'oh well maybe we could borrow something that X [my DD] would be happy to lend'. It was weird - felt like her DD was treating my kid's room like it was a shop or something.

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 02/10/2010 16:38

So what did the mother do? Was she def paying full attention, waching and smiling etc? Or could it be she was sort of thinking of something else or didn't quite pick up on it?

I agree it's odd!

Firawla · 02/10/2010 16:38

yanbu i find it rude.
i never let my dc do this, sometimes they see something & want it but you have to tell them so they learn. sometimes people tell me just take it for him, but dont really want him to pick up that message of asking for peoples things. the mother should have told her no

Original poster
FindingReno · 02/10/2010 16:39

I felt it would have come across as rude and precious if I hadn't lent anything. Hence my posting this - I wasn't sure if I was overreacting or if some people borrow/lend toys a lot and it's us that are odd.

OP posts:
mememe30 · 02/10/2010 16:40

my nephew does that and it really really annoys me. He likes to take something and my sis in law lets him otherwise he has a tantrum. When he leaves his grandparents he has to take something and they give it back another time. It all sounds fine until he does it at someone elses. They think I'm mean because I say "No we don't take toys out of the house".

LittleMissHissyFit · 02/10/2010 17:56

WHAT? that is just odd!!! rude, ill-mannered whatever, but the mum has to say no.. FGS!!

iliketosleep · 02/10/2010 17:59

How long did she drop in for? If it was for half an hour and they left then that IVU but if they were there for a good few hours and were playing really well then thats more understandable although still VU.

Can't believe the mother didn't intervene though Shock

Original poster
FindingReno · 02/10/2010 18:13

They were here for several hours. But they hadn't been playing in the bedroom at that point really. The kids were out in the garden and we went upstairs just as they were about to leave to check they hadn't left anything. Which is when the 'borrowing' happened.

OP posts:
Anenome · 02/10/2010 18:45

My own DD used to always ask when we visited her older cousins and being well brought up they felt they had to let her sometimes...and bless them they would insist she take a little toy....and I always but always sent it bac the next day via my Mum with a little thank you note.

DetectivePotato · 02/10/2010 19:14

YANBU. The mother should have stepped in straight away and told her DD that it was rude and not taken anything away with her.

I would be very Hmm if a child done this to me and I certainly wouldn't have given them anything else.

taintedpaint · 02/10/2010 19:28

This was totally normal when I grew up. My friends and I borrowed something each time we went to play at each other's houses. Perhaps your friend's DD does this a lot with LOs who live near her? I think the mum should've stopped her DD, given how far away they live, but the borrowing itself doesn't bother me. I think if she was picking up multiple items and the mum wasn't intervening, this is probably something normal for them.

SoupDragon · 02/10/2010 19:35

DSs used to do this, however it was for local friends and the friends always borrowed stuff of theirs.
We'd have an exchange of items a week or so later.

however, borrowing stuff when you can't easily return it is another matter.

narna · 02/10/2010 21:48

I had this with my friends DD ,she did it once ,the next time i just said no .I dont want my DC thinking its ok to do it.