to think this is a bit odd or am I being a bit PFB?

[FindingReno]

Have namechanged as don't want to be identified. Friend dropped in with her DD earlier en route to go home (they live a 4 hour drive away). We have known one another ages and our DDs are the same age (4).

They stayed for a few hours, we had a nice lunch and catch up, children played etc.

When they left my DD went to the loo and me, my friend and her DD happened to be standing in my DD's bedroom. Friend's DD suddenly said she wanted to borrow a toy. So she was walking around my DD's room, picking up things, saying 'can I borrow this? Or this?'

She was picking up things that were not the sort of toy you lend (rabbit alarm clock, vtech computer thing etc) so I said 'errm no, not really'. In the end I gave her something that my DD wouldn't miss very much and she was happy with that.

No problem, wasn't anything that will be particularly missed and like most kids, my DD has loads of toys.

But AIBU to think it's a bit odd that my friend didn't say 'err no, we're not borrowing anything, we live hours away and we have no idea when we can return it' because I think I would have said something like that.

Or am I being really precious? Happy to accept that I am :o

she's 4 right? say no if you didn't want her to borrow anything. The frustration in this situation arises from your feeling unable to deal with her asking. Bit passive agressive, cos she's 4 and, you know, hasn't built up requisite social skills yet.

Hopefully not odd that the little girl asked - my 5 yo DD is obsessed with 'borrowing' things from other people's homes thanks to my overly generous mother, grandmother and best friend who keep giving her stuff!

YANBU to think it odd that the mother didn't say 'no' though. I always do!

YANBU. I would just have said that she could play with it next time.

AFK - the frustration is in my friend not saying anything and almost encouraging her. If I had said no, I would have risked pissing off my friend but I was being a bit British about it I suppose.

I really wouldn't have had an issue if she lived a few doors away and was going to return it in a couple of days' time. It's the fact that we're not likely to see them again until next spring that's a bit odd.

Anyway, this has been v useful and I shall stand my ground next time :)

We often have to frisk reception.

I've been in this exact situation twice sand found it odd the other mum didn't make their dc give the toys back.

When my dd was 3, she left a friends house, the mum called later to say 'has your dd taken Ava's favourite Sylvanian'.

We questioned dd who denied it but suspiciously wouldn't take her hands out of her pocket.

She eventually broke with the immortal and slightly sinister words: 'Ava's got fings what I want'.

Pissed ourselves!

A mother visiting my house once asked me if her daughter could borrow the plastic cup she was holding rather tightly.

I said no, but offered to find another little toy she could borrow, or even have. Mother was very polite but from that day on, much cooler towards us. I think my offer of substitution made her uncomfortable.

I did explain at the time that the cup was part of a tea set that had been given to me as a small girl and which had been kept for my daughter. I don't think she believed me, as the cup wasn't anything special. Except to us.

Yanbu how rude of the mum not to say anything. I would have been embarrassed if that was dd and told her her that she should not go into peoples houses and ask for things.

We have people who visit us a couple of times a year for business reasons (my OH and one of the parents) and their child - who isn't a friend of our children - has done exactly that. I've always politely but firmly said that "those are DC's but I'm sure you can play with them next time you come".

"If I had said no, I would have risked pissing off my friend"

She clearly was not too worried about annoying you and your DC! And even though onimolap attempted the "no" and was "punished", that's rather rude behaviour. Are these the sort of parents who can't bear for their precious little monsters darlings to hear the word "no", ever? A little bit of jollying along, certainly, but, come on, there are limits!

I'm always amazed at how obtuse parents can be regarding their children's behaviour. The other Christmas I gave a lovely story book to my 4 year old nephew but he absolutely hated it and spent the next half hour following me round the house, repeatedly shouting at me that it was a horrible present, while his parents looked on indulgently and said not a word.
Call me old fashioned but I think parents should intervene when their children are dsplaying bad manners, no matter what their ages. I don't blame my nephew as he had obviously never been told that it is polite to say thank you for a gift, or at the very least,not to complain about it to the giver.
The only positive thing to come out of it was that my own DD aged 6 was shocked at his rudeness and it taught her a valuable lesson about receiving unwanted present graciously.

I would have taken the book back of the ungrateful brat.

I find the mum's lack of action odd. Children do like to 'borrow' things from friends but it's an adults job to 'parent'. You were kind to let her child have something, I'd have just said no.

Mirry2 what a rude little brat. Would have taken it back saying that I will give it to someone who does like it then and not give him anymore presents until him and his parents learn some manners.

YANBU, If friend is anything like one of mine she was waiting for you to say no as 1) DD less likely to tantrum if another adult says it and 2) when DD is upset and stroppy about it she can blame you .

FWIW my best friend and I do let our dc's swap toys sometimes but we live 5 minutes away so easy to return.