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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To moan about DH work hours?

49 replies

iliketosleep · 30/09/2010 22:54

Actually I know full well I am but I need to vent.

When DH took the job it was supposed to be 37 and a half hours per week but he was supposed to be flexible - which is absolutely fine! His hours are from 10pm-6am. So he is gone from 9:30pm to 6:30am and then sleeps till roughly 3pm - again this is fine! My problem is that for the last 4 weeks he has only had 3 days (nights) off. I don't mind during the week as my 3 oldest DC are at school so I only have DD3 who is 2. The weekends on the other hand are long and difficult, keeping 4 rowdy children quiet while he sleeps proves to be quite difficult and as its chucked down for most of the year and i'm pretty much skint while they sort tax credits I have nowhere I can take them. Besides that I really miss sleeping in bed with my husband! Its really selfish I know but i'm so lonely all the time :(

AIBU?? Yup!

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iliketosleep · 30/09/2010 22:56

Also I suggested he have saturday off so we can go out the next day for Sunday lunch as my cooker is broken. He mentioned it to his boss and he told him he could work 6pm-2am rather than 10-6. So god knows when he will have another day off :(

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QueenSconetta · 30/09/2010 22:58

Yes and no, it does sound like the work life balance is a bit skewed, but if that's what you've got to do in this climate then that's it.

I am not a huge fan when DP is NS because it means he's away all night and essentially away all day cos he needs to sleep. So I know a little bit how you feel, but I only have DD to deal with and he rotates between days and night so not so stressful as you.

I hope he is getting overtime!

iliketosleep · 30/09/2010 23:01

Nope because he is still with an agency. Once he gets signed up full time he will. I suppose he's trying to prove himself to them but at the same time he has a wife and 4 kids that miss him :(

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QueenSconetta · 30/09/2010 23:05

Well that sucks. YANBU, a hug from me is not really the same, but have one anyway, x.

iliketosleep · 30/09/2010 23:06

Thanks :)

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iliketosleep · 30/09/2010 23:08

I'm a bit worried how he will cope on Saturday also as he will finish one shift at 6am then have to be back to start another 8 hour shift at 6pm. I think it takes the piss a little Confused

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nocake · 01/10/2010 08:50

I've done a quick calculation on the hours he's working and his company are breaking the rules of the working time directive because he doesn't have enough days off. He's worked an average of 50 hours a week over the last 4 weeks but he should be working no more than 48.

iliketosleep · 01/10/2010 08:53

Funny you should mention that as he has told me before that you can only work 8 days then you HAVE to have a day off. I asked if anyone else did 7 days a week and he said yes, I asked about this rule and he says some people just don't listen. I said surely the comany would pick it up and he just shrugged Hmm

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QueenSconetta · 01/10/2010 09:58

I think you can sign a waiver to the working time directive though, and some companies I think make you do this.

ginnybag · 01/10/2010 10:16

Hi,

HR for a security company here, so night shifts and WTD are pretty standard fair.

With regards to the WTD - most companies will have you sign a waiver nowadays, even if they don't intend to use it. Just a thing - it's not enforceable mandatorially in the UK - yet.

If he has signed, he can withdraw his consent but it will take three months for it to go through and you might want to ask what sort of impression it will give. For what it's worth, we recently suggested all our staff changed rotas so they did no more than forty-eight hours a week and they all said no - they want the hours because they want the money, so don't assume it's the company who are the issue, it might be colleagues.

With regards to days off - the law states one day off in seven - but it, like most things, is an average. If he does six or seven weeks without a break, then there's a problem but you've nothing before then, I'm afraid. Sucks, I know!

As for shift times - there's a requirement (that isn't breachable) of a minimum of 11 hours between shifts, so a finish at 6 to start again at 6 is perfectly legal - and actually quite the norm for some industries - like mine.

The trouble with the laws regulating shift work is that they also affect those such as Nurses and doctors, so no-one's willing to tighten them down too much in this country for fear of collapsing the NHS!

About the only thing you're husband can do, is ask for a change in his pattern under Work-Life balance rules. Just be aware that if he drops hours, he'll drop holiday days most likely, and that some industries, like security, aren't set up for Monday-Friday 9-5 so he might find himself 'requesting' his way out of any possible work!

HTH!

Mindovermatter · 01/10/2010 10:24

my DH works 10pm til 6am, he only has 2 nights off a week, Fri and Sat. We have a baby. Anyway what he does is has a short nap Friday morn, say for few hours and that way weekend isnt ruined. I too understand how lonely it can be not sleeping with hubby, we make up for it weekends. I also understand bout keeping house quiet while he sleeps, but in your case with kids its unfair on them to be quiet. Get hubby earplugs or headphones etc. Is it possible hubby can change to 6pm til 2am full time?? Would be better.

iliketosleep · 01/10/2010 13:26

Mindovermatter, he is doing 6pm till 2am on sunday which isn't too bad as we will have him all day sunday (until 9:30)

Queensconetta, I have asked him about signing contract or waivers but he's pretty dippy at times and says he doesn't know what it was he signed Hmm

Ginnybag, I understood most of what you said but what does WTD mean?

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ginnybag · 01/10/2010 14:04

iliketosleep Working Time Directives

Sorry Blush shorthand

iliketosleep · 01/10/2010 14:11

Ah ok Grin Alot of its lost on me lol

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jameelaq · 01/10/2010 14:17

But wouldn't you complain if he wasn't working hard enough to bring the bacon home?
If you keep moving the goalposts how is anyone supposed to know what you want?

iliketosleep · 01/10/2010 14:25

Huh? Confused

I really don't understand the second part of your comment. My issue is that in 4 weeks he has only had 3 days off when his agreed hours where 10-6 5 days a week, with flexibility.... Being flexible is fine but 3 days off in 4 weeks takes the biscuit a bit.

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jameelaq · 01/10/2010 14:29

Sometimes you have to work hard for what you want. Simples

QueenSconetta · 02/10/2010 11:08

Jameelaq, I think that's a bit harsh. The OP has already said she thinks she IBU to moan, but on a day to day level it is hard to cope sometimes, and it is exhausting. Do you have experience of this yourself?

I know you've got to do what you've got to do at the moment, and I think so does OP.

There's working hard and there's being taken advantage of. Working an extra 15+ hours a week for no overtime payment I would class as being taken advantage of. Your right, maybe he needs to do that to get his foot in the door, but as an ongoing situation its not really sustainable.

I think OP is right to vent her frustrations on here.

Morloth · 02/10/2010 11:15

Working nights is generally a nightmare. I know my sister puts some of her divorce down to her working days and her exhusband working nights. It is just so unnatural for the human body.

No advice, but you have my sympathy.

iliketosleep · 02/10/2010 20:30

Thankyou QS I didn't really know how to reply to that myself Confused

Morloth, I can completely understand how it affected you sister!

DH woke at 3pm today and was gone again at 5:30 so I wont see him till tomorrow :( only saw him for about an hour and a half today and 5 hours yesterday. He has already been asked to work Sunday and will be doing Mon-Fri as per his noral hours.

God I feel like a single parent :(

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poppymouse · 02/10/2010 20:37

Oh I know how you feel. DP is a copper. I like his nights during the week because I know he'll be at home when I get in from work, and he gets in to give me a hand before I go to work in the morning. Entertaining the boy while DH sleeps at the weekend is crappy though, and that's without being skint.

Feel for you, yes it's better than not having the income but it is still really hard. Mine is out tonight and when I finally got DS into bed he filled his nappy. I could have cried.

llareggub · 02/10/2010 20:39

Well, you have a point.

Shiftwork, generally, especially nights, can have a real negative effect on most parts of your life. The whole point of the Working Time Regs wasn't to irritate businesses but to protect the health and safety of workers.

AFAIK the waiver only applies to the number of hours worked, not the breaks between shifts. I'd be interested to know how many hours he is working and the amount of pay he is getting as I'll hazard a guess that he isn't the national minimum wage, either.

passionberry · 02/10/2010 20:50

Sympathy here too. It sucks. DH works very long hours, not nights but evening and weekends. Didn't really bother me until we had dd - I do feel like a single parent tbh

TheCrackFox · 02/10/2010 21:00

DH is a chef - today he is working 9am til midnight(ish). It is fucking me off TBH, normally I cope well but the DCs are annoying me today.

iliketosleep · 03/10/2010 00:27

He works 8 hours a night and is on minimum wage.

My kids have driven me crazy tonight! so many demands in such a short space of time, I still have DD! up as "she cant sleeeeeeeeeeep" and I got sick of her up and down the stairs!! [shattered emoticon]

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