To moan about DH work hours?

[iliketosleep]

Actually I know full well I am but I need to vent.

When DH took the job it was supposed to be 37 and a half hours per week but he was supposed to be flexible - which is absolutely fine! His hours are from 10pm-6am. So he is gone from 9:30pm to 6:30am and then sleeps till roughly 3pm - again this is fine! My problem is that for the last 4 weeks he has only had 3 days (nights) off. I don't mind during the week as my 3 oldest DC are at school so I only have DD3 who is 2. The weekends on the other hand are long and difficult, keeping 4 rowdy children quiet while he sleeps proves to be quite difficult and as its chucked down for most of the year and i'm pretty much skint while they sort tax credits I have nowhere I can take them. Besides that I really miss sleeping in bed with my husband! Its really selfish I know but i'm so lonely all the time :(

AIBU?? Yup!

QueenSconetta Sat 02-Oct-10 11:08:44
Jameelaq, I think that's a bit harsh. The OP has already said she thinks she IBU to moan, but on a day to day level it is hard to cope sometimes, and it is exhausting. Do you have experience of this yourself?

I know you've got to do what you've got to do at the moment, and I think so does OP.

There's working hard and there's being taken advantage of. Working an extra 15+ hours a week for no overtime payment I would class as being taken advantage of. Your right, maybe he needs to do that to get his foot in the door, but as an ongoing situation its not really sustainable.

I think OP is right to vent her frustrations on here.

Can?t disagree. Just not enough time in the day to be so explicatory

Now I know I'm being unreasonable but its 1pm he came in at 2am and he is still in bed :( I've tried to wake him numerous times as I need to run to the shop and will now have to drag all 4 DC out in the pouring rain.

I was looking forward to the company today and also sharing the childcare a little bit!!

Rather pissed off and :(

(I'm a bitch I know )

ILTS, presuming he went to bed an hour after he got in, that's 10 hours uninterupted sleep. I don't think YABU because when was the last time you had 10 hours uninterupted sleep?

I could probably I would probably only just about manage that if I went to bed at the same time as DD (about 8pm) without stopping to have any dinner etc, lol.

Yup but he needed it bless him!

I got about 4 hours all in all so am practically on the floor at the moment :(

More good news, he said he was going to knock the weekends on the head as he has proved himself to be a good worker now but then asked to train on something else.......because they dont have anyone trained to do it at weekends :(

Do you think it could be that he just wants to get away from me? I mean he sees the kids when he is here but doesn't seem that bothered with interacting with me IYSWIM

Oh no, of course not.

Things are hard at the moment. You said yourself that he needs to secure a permanent contract there instead of his current agency status. Unfortunately, these sorts of shifts place an incredible strain on the whole family and I would guess that he is pretty worried about losing his job.

Can you think of ways in which you could help? Could you find some work?

I did want something to get me out of these 4 walls but with DH asleep from 6:30am he wouldn't be around to look after DD3. Something we both agree on is that we never want any of our DC to be put into a nursery or with a childminder.

I will ride it out, just feeling the pressure at the moment. I feel so desperately lonely and bored and my mind starts wondering. I've even just asked him if he is really going to work cause he wasn't jumping up at half past nine like he normally does.

I think i'm losing it :(

looking at your profile your older ones are school age. would it be so bad to have the 2 year old go to nursery a couple of afternoons to give you a bit of time to yourself? is she 3 soon? if so then she'll get the free education place, 5 sessions a week. that'll be a lot better won't it?

also, if the others are at school all day are you and the 2 year old getting out, just the two of you?

DD was 2 the end of August so wouldn't qualify for free placement just yet, also she is very clingy and doesn't like strangers. Someone talking to her in a shop makes her hide behind my legs! I did enquire into a nursery but at £7 an hour we just could not afford it. We do try and get out most days even if its something silly like walking the dog.

£7 an hour?! where are you? that's very expensive. it's about £20 for an afternoon where i am, from 1pm to 6pm. so 5 hours at £4 an hour.

it's rather easy for your dh to say he doesn't want her in nursery or with a childminder, but then he has you to look after her all day! what about you? you've been a mum from a very young age. maybe look round at some other places? what about your sure start centre? sometimes they do short courses and run a creche at the same time. even if they don't do courses they usually do free stay and play sessions.

Does my profile really still say I'm 24? lol I'm 27 in December!! Still I was 16 when I had DD1!!!

I don't know of any sure start centers around here, there are playgroups a plenty but the child has to be 2 and a half. There are a few mother and toddler groups too but in all honesty they are rife :(

I'll give you a clue where I am, we were voted the 5th worst city in the world

YANBU - my DH works really long hours 7 days a week, he isn't here when we get up, or when kids go to bed, he doesn't have any days off... ever! I had a go at him about it tonight (because DC's doing my head in today) and he said he is self employed! (because i said i had read that maximum working hours a week should be 48! and 1 day off a week!)

I feel guilty for having a go at him, because he is working hard for our future.. but when is this future going to start? when the kids have left home and no longer want to spend time with him anyway? I understand the people that said about playing a part in divorce - i sometimes feel i am falling out of love fast as we have no time.

well you must have a sure start centre if you're in the 5th worst!! google it, see what comes up. they are a life line to a lot of people.

but yes, i was thinking you had a baby at 14, then 15..

I know where you are now.

Ever thought about a childminder? My first son went to a lovely childminder and he (then an only child) got to play with her sons and daughter. He had a great time, and I paid considerably less than £7 an hour.

ta da!!

I agree Sillybillymummy. I too feel that way and he has only been there 5 weeks

I told him I feel like I'm waiting for the end but the end isn't coming so my heads spinning. I'm also starting to get really emotional for no particular reason too.

My dad is self employed, has been for 30 odd years but will not work after dinner on Saturday or on a Sunday. He will also have bank holidays off and give himself 1 week in the year to go on holiday!

Ooooh get you ;)

Sorry Ruddy and llareggub I somehow missed your other posts I didn't know about any of them and one of them is right round the corner!

so ring them up in the morning and ask what they have on. sign up for anything and everything. it's all free!

Thats my kinda price and hopefully will give DD some social skills!!!

have fun

We will thankyou!