Does anyone else feel that reading MN has actually made them a WORSE parent in some respects?

[goldenticket]

I have been lurking and posting sporadically on here since 2004 and have gradually come to the conclusion that MN and the wider media has made me a worse parent .

I am losing my ability to assess risk because my head is now filled with the knowledge of all the things that could happen.

Everything seems preventable. If my kids have problems or misbehave, I could and should have stopped them.

My sense of perspective is shot to pieces.

I have no confidence in my own parenting and constantly look to see what others are/have done.

Does anyone else feel this way? I love MN and I have learnt so much from it but I'm seriously considering calling it a day. Fwiw, I used to be a pretty laid back, confident and relatively worry-free parent but I spend so much of my days fretting now .

I'm taking a chance posting in AIBU because I'm genuinely interested to see if I am, but please be gentle

Ignorance is definitely bliss sometimes so YANBU.

Take a break and come back in a month. It does you good sometimes.

no,but i do look at situations differently now....i think,'this would make a good thread,wonder what mumsnet would make of it,shall i namechange first!?' lol!!

I think so people spend so much time on here they surely can't parent well.

nope. i have alwasy been shite

The Wright Stuff were discussing this very thing this morning.

But no, I have quite thick skin. If something is a no-no on Mumsnet, I am more likely to just never mention that I do it rather than go away from th epc all full of doubt

Not sure you can blame MN for this. I don't understand how MN can make a previously confident and relaxed parent change their disposition to the extent that you describe.

Surely just pick and choose the advice as you wish?

There was a discussion on The Wright Stuff this morning about whether forums like MN make you a "worse" parent - is this related to that?

Yes colditz I think you're right, a good dose of RL is exactly what I need.

So many situations arise where I know exactly what posters would be saying on here (and pretty forceably too ) but no-one bats an eyelid in RL.

yes, the old RL thing - in a 'nice' shop today a 'nice' mummy said to her 3 year old daughter

"Honestly Emma, if you don't stop that right now, you're going to get a smacked bottom!"

Child did not bat eyelid.

neither did anyone else in the world.

And I thought ... Mn would be insisting on ringing SS by now .....

No, didn't see the Wright Stuff, although interesting that they thought it a worthy enough subject for discussion.

To try and explain it more wasabipeanut, I tend to try and listen to all points of view - I'm not someone with strong views on things. On MN there are posters with very strong opinions, so I will flip-flop between viewpoints and end up agonising whereas if I was just mulling things over in RL, I would probably just get a few non-commital type views if indeed I asked anyone at all. Does that make sense?

People here are so eloquent which is fantastic but a curse for people like me!

oh i can cure you, just ignore everyone else on here and just do as I say

yy colditz EXACTLY! It's like two different planets sometimes, you end up looking over your shoulder for the howling masses coming to take issue with the offender.

the 'asses risk' comment has made me wonder if your op is genuine

oh fgs southeastastra, yes my op is genuine . Do I have to post my MN credentials before you'll post?

no i guess the op was just worded very academically

mn can be detrimental in my experience anyway, you have to be able to filter out relevant stuff

Personally I would take this [and every other forum]with a massive pinch of salt.There is no substitute for experience. Remember the internet has only been around for 20 years or so, and people managed perfectly well without it.
One observation I have made [as someone who never even read a book on childcare] is that some people tend to overanalyse relatively simple things.I have noticed this on this forum more than others [I don't mean this as a criticism]. TBH ,I'm quite glad that there was no internet when my children were younger.It meant that I just had to get on with it and work things out for myself.

Goldenticket, trying to listen to all pov is an admirable quality but most people in my experience start out with a natural leaning one way or the other - especially with parenting. You tend to be either mainly a routine queen or an Earth Mother baby led type - most people combine elements of both quite happily but you will always have a preference one way or the other I think.

Just focus on your natural approach and ideas around it IYSWIM and just filter out all the other stuff.

You need to stop worrying so much.

I'm worrying a lot and I never used to. I'm so worried about getting things right that I feel paralysed with indecision about a lot of things. I'm always astounded that people IRL can hold opinions about aspects of parenting because in my head I can always give the opposing view from MN.

My head is constantly busy with all this stuff, it's exhausting.

Can I have myself banned to stop myself even reading it?

P.S. sea, this is just how I talk!

YANBU

Have some wine and a lie down. I think your conscience would tell you if you really thought you were doing anything wrong.

Good advice wasabipeanut, thanks.

No, not at all in response to original question.

get some backbone and beleive in what you think and feel.

Well yes, that would be brilliant if I can manage it!

To take colditz's smacking example:

Let's say that pre-MN, I was strongly anti smacking.

Now, having read MN, I know that not every situation is cut and dried - maybe Mum has PND, maybe the child has SN and is incredibly hard to deal with, maybe she never smacks her DC but was driven to the end of her tether that moment, maybe her husband has just left her blah blah blah etc etc. What I think has got lost in the fog of what everyone else thinks. Yes, I'm a lot slower to judge (in fact, I judge very few parenting decisions that others make now) but I'm bogged down by my empathy - it's weighing me down in my everyday life. Does that make sense?

Yes, I sit on my arse (reading MN) a lot more when I should be doing something else.