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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent to the Headteacher in 1st month

27 replies

SpiderObsession · 30/09/2010 19:43

My DS1 started reception this month. He seemed to settle in ok, he's enjoying learning the phonics the the teacher is very happy with his work. But last week my DH was pulled aside by his teacher and told that DS1s behaviour was becoming "challenging".

Early this week DS1 got on the "teacher's proud of me" board for the first time. The children get a little card to come home with. I was very proud to see the card as it's his first one despite numerous stickers, stamps and encouraging remarks on his work.

However, written on the card was "this is for your work NOT your behaviour." Turns out DS1 was tripping up other children in his class. Queue no pudding and no story as punishment and a good talking to about not hurting other people.

All seemed well but today he's come back with an "unhappy" card and he confesses he was sent to the headteacher. WTF I NEVER got sent to the headteacher and he's been sent in his first month!!!!

After interrogation techniques he says he doesn't want to do as the teacher tells him. Also he does not like standing in line so runs off. No wonder they're getting very upset with him.

So AIBU to arrange a meeting with the headteacher to discuss DS1s behaviour? This is unfamiliar territory to me so I don't know if this is "normal" settling in behaviour or if I'm being overanxious about this.

OP posts:
taintedpaint · 30/09/2010 19:47

Whe are you surprised he has been sent to the HT? I don't understand. If he's been tripping up other children and disobeying the teachers, I would think it's to be expected. More to find out what's going on than to punish him, but still.

I would speak to the class teacher if I were you, HT would have less of an idea about your DS on a day to day basis.

taintedpaint · 30/09/2010 19:48

Sorry, not whe, I meant why!

5Foot5 · 30/09/2010 19:48

It is still very early days and I think it just takes some children longer to settle than others. Did he go to nursery or pre-school before? If not then it might still be unfamiliar to him to conform and do what the rest of the group are doing.

Just monitor the situation for a bit and see how it goes.

memoo · 30/09/2010 19:49

I 2nd what taintedpaint said

LetThereBeRock · 30/09/2010 19:49

I don't think the OP is surprised that the teacher decided to send him to the headteacher,but surprised that her ds gave the teacher cause to do so.

BeerTricksPotter · 30/09/2010 19:49

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Alambil · 30/09/2010 19:53

I think no pudding was at home - as no story (at bedtime?) and a talking to all came in the same sentence.

I'd ask for a chat with his teacher first; then see the HT if you feel you need to

Original poster
SpiderObsession · 30/09/2010 19:53

Bad wording. They have every cause to send him to the HT, I'm just gutted he's been such a terror to deserve to go.

The pudding was at teatime at home.

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 30/09/2010 19:55

Was there no hint of this type of behaviour before he started school?

BeerTricksPotter · 30/09/2010 19:56

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taintedpaint · 30/09/2010 20:06

Gotcha Spider! I still say meet with the class teacher before HT, you will have a more informed conversation.

Original poster
SpiderObsession · 30/09/2010 20:07

Thanks BeerTricks I'll have a talk with his teacher.

He used to run off when younger but that was before we found out about his hearing problem. That problem cleared up since his grommets were put in - turns out he couldn't hear us.

At his nursery there were a large group of children waiting to go to school and a couple of months ago they were struggling with the big group of boys. DS1 wasn't the ringleader but would tend to take things further than the others so I guess this shouldn't have been the shock it was. They kept saying he was bright and needed to start school. None of his friends from nursery go to his school.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpiderObsession · 30/09/2010 20:08

Thanks all.

OP posts:
needafootmassage · 30/09/2010 20:12

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Phrenology · 30/09/2010 20:15

He is your DS and you love him, but he is only one in the class. IMO they are trying to let him know who is boss from the out.

We had a reception child in the dining hall last week, who threw himself off the chair and on to the floor because his yoghurt was not the flavour he thought he was getting. His older sister, confirmed that he does eat that flavour, but he had been expecting peach. Ergo, an attempt at a full blown tantrum, a quick visit to the HeadMaster and guess what he was a really nice child today. Grin

drinkyourmilk · 30/09/2010 20:18

Have the grommets been checked recently? Sometimes you need a new set put in?

ambkad · 30/09/2010 20:19

My son is so bad that they refuse to keep him in school for the full day. He is the only child in the whole of reception who comes home at lunchtime. He says the same, he just wants to do his own thing, and has tried to escape on many occasions.

So I feel the frustration.

Original poster
SpiderObsession · 30/09/2010 20:33

His grommets are in drinkyourmilk but his hearing test needs to be repeated.

Heck ambkad Sad

OP posts:
raspberrytart · 30/09/2010 20:44

I can sympathise with OP as my son was seen by HT in 2nd week of school for pushing another little boy over.I was so upset, I spoke to HT and was reassured that little boy and his mum ok and they had seen this type of behaviour before, not to worry blah blah. He has been a lot better this week,however I am just trying to let them get on with it
Please try not to worry , your ds is settled in and now pushing the boundaries and they are all getting to know each other.

PixieOnaLeaf · 30/09/2010 20:57

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needafootmassage · 01/10/2010 07:07

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Original poster
SpiderObsession · 01/10/2010 09:32

I had a chat with his teacher this morning. It turns out its WORSE that I thought. This is an experienced "strict" teacher and she was almost in tears (as was I).

When in line he flays his arms around and either pushes the child in front or leans back to push the child behind. Either way its a domino effect. He's breaking things deliberately, throwing things and it turns out this is the second time he's been to see the HT. The teacher said she doesn't usually do this but when she took him the first time it went "over his head". I know he does tend to shut down if he's being told off. The second time was by the supply teacher.

His behaviour is as bad when he's on his own as much as in a group. The teacher was apologetic about it saying she doesn't know him well enough yet. She's tried praising him, speaking to him but she doesn't want to single him out so the whole class is getting told off. Blush They have various strategies so are working with him and I'm going to work on a couple of areas with him at home. We'll communicate via his workbook and see how it goes.

I'm so disheartened he's being a terror not only for himself and the teacher but for the rest of his class. BUT grateful for the support of the school. Thanks for the advice here everyone, you've helped a lot.

OP posts:
littleducks · 01/10/2010 10:24

If it has been identified as a problem previously I would really be pushing a repeat hearing test to check that he is hearing clearly, has he ever seen a SALT? Might be worth considering if he has auditory processing disorder or something similar (or at least get it totally ruled out)

maryz · 01/10/2010 10:48

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coraltoes · 01/10/2010 11:02

he sounds like he has a lovely teacher, which is such a great help. I wish you well and hope you'll be back by the end of term with good news about him.