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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel this is a bit off? Re MIL

52 replies

IsabellaSwan · 30/09/2010 14:35

Will start by saying that MIL is nice and we do get on v well, so am not a MIL-basher.

Am currently in lounge expressing milk and MIL is in kitchen on the phone. MIL came round for lunch as she is babysitting for us later on. She is talking v loudly and I've just heard her say to her friend that she should come round later on. AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable about this. MN jury - do you think it's ok to invite someone round to someone else's house when babysitting? This is first time MIL has babysat for us so would appreciate views on what is and isn't ok, as am not au fait by babysitting etiquette...

OP posts:

comtessa · 30/09/2010 14:37

I think it would be okay if she had asked your permission first. Your house, you say who comes round. But she didn't, so that seems a bit rude IMHO.

Seeline · 30/09/2010 14:38

She is probably just wanting to show off her new grandchild. Or if it's her first time - may she be feeling a little nervous and just looking for some support? Is the person someone you kow too?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 30/09/2010 14:39

It was a but rude, yes, but there's a difference between MIL inviting someone round to admire new GC and a teenage babysitter inviting her boyfriend over.

conkie · 30/09/2010 14:39

I don't see the problem with it

Original poster

IsabellaSwan · 30/09/2010 14:39

No, haven't ever met the friend

OP posts:

naturalbaby · 30/09/2010 14:40

i personally would have issue with it cause you've asked mil to babysit, not her friend - but i have issues over who is 'invited' into my home and go ott when other people invite themselves round. if you're not happy - it's your home and your baby so you should get your say. is it about having someone else there to keep mil company or share the baby care? if baby was going to mil's house then would be o.k with her friend being there?

nameymcnamechange · 30/09/2010 14:42

Respect to typing and expressing at the same time!

diddl · 30/09/2010 14:43

I wouldn´t be that happy tbh as it isn´t her house to invite people to imo.

That said, it´s jointly her sons house-maybe she thinks it´s OK with him.

And she perhaps wants to show GC off or have company if baby likely to sleep?

Original poster

IsabellaSwan · 30/09/2010 14:43

Namey - I have to hold with one hand and type with the other...

OP posts:

ChooksAway · 30/09/2010 14:44

I wouldn't have an issue - it's not like she's 17 and will throw a party in your absence.

I do agree, she should have mentioned it though.

edam · 30/09/2010 14:44

I wouldn't invite someone over to another person's house without clearing it first. But this may be one of those areas where different people have different standards and neither party has realised this is an issue at all. Plus your MIL is probably v. excited about babysitting and just wants to show off her gorgeous gc.

So I'd let it go this time but just gently suggest to MIL it'd be nice if she asked you before inviting anyone round...

Original poster

IsabellaSwan · 30/09/2010 14:46

Yes, I don't want to make a big deal of it, just wanted the voice of experience re what was generally considered ok

And yes, she def loves showing off DS! It's very sweet to see how keen on him she is

OP posts:

pinkbraces · 30/09/2010 14:48

I really dont understand what the issue is, but then I never really understand half of the "issues" regarding MIL's.

My MIL invited her friend round to see our new puppy when she was dog sitting for the evening, I would feel very odd if she had to ask my permission.

Each to their own I suppose.

scurryfunge · 30/09/2010 14:51

I think it sounds absolutely fine, babysitting can be a bit boring when the baby is so young.

She probably wants to show him off.

If you have issues about not trusting MIL's choice of friends that that is a tad controlling and maybe she shouldn't be babysitting at all.

Suda · 30/09/2010 14:59

Long as her friends not a regular on Crimewatch dont think its too much of a problem ! - I think their generation were in and out of friends /neighbours houses more so than these days so to the last generation is not as big a deal. I remember people walking in and saying 'just come to look at new baby (my sister)' etc. That was in the days before texting/mobiles and even house phones in many houses so I think they were just more casual whereas now think its considered a bit intrusive to just turn up.

YANBU - however but dont think theres any malice involved - and another thing is some M-I-L and mums for that matter are still stuck in the - your the child , they're the parent mentality - so it often doesnt occur to them to ask permission of their 'child' even when they're grown up and its their house. Again no malice I dont think - if you get on well would let it lie and save your battles for when she starts taking your pictures down or something

Chil1234 · 30/09/2010 15:00

You think that's bad... my mum tells a story of how her MIL (keyholder 'in case of emergencies') was rumbled as a repeat offender, old bat party organiser & custard creme snaffler at my newlywed mum's home after bumping into one of the aforementioned old bats in the street. "You've got the place lovely! Like your new bedroom wallpaper."... Key was unceremoniously withdrawn...

taintedpaint · 30/09/2010 15:00

I would be happy with this if I'd met the friend and MIL had asked permission, seems like neither happened in this case. It sounds like your MIL is just excited to show off your LO, but she is out of line.

Clumsymum · 30/09/2010 15:08

Welllllll ... she is the child's grandparent, and obviously wants to have some company while she coos over her darling grandchild.

I agree it would have been nice if she had said "you don't mind if I ask Ada to come over as well, do you?" but I don't think it's worth getting upset about. Take it as a sign that your MIL feels comfortable and welcome in your home.

Obviously, if she ends up entertaining 93 people at a time, giving them YOUR wine & smoked salmon, it's time to talk to her ....

Ragwort · 30/09/2010 15:12

I guess I might have been a little irritated but the thought of having a free (presumably?) babysitter would seriously outweigh any annoyance.

ajandjjmum · 30/09/2010 15:16

Maybe when you've finished, and she's ended her call, she'll mention that she's just been speaking to Gladys and asked her to pop round - and that she hopes that's ok with you?

Maybe?

I wouldn't have a problem if it was my Mum, and MIL is miles away.

glitzy · 30/09/2010 15:20

You sure she meant to yours, and not her house after babysitting for you?

DuelingFanjo · 30/09/2010 15:22

I would really hate that. Strangers in my home - urggh no way!

Feelingsensitive · 30/09/2010 15:29

Its a tad rude but don't say anything. Given you normally get on and she is baby sitting for you she is has probbaly just not thought it through.

wouldliketoknow · 30/09/2010 15:30

i don't think there is a big deal, probably just feels comfy in your house and with you, enough to invite someone for a chat while she babysits her dcs, many mums and mils irritate new mums, but they mean well...
if it really bothers you, just say casually so, are you gonna be ok by yourself?, she'll probably just tell you all about it... it is not like she is planning a party to trash your house and then flee the country.

just count yourself lucky that you have a good mil that lives close by and is willing to help.

BinkyB · 30/09/2010 15:32

Are you paying her to babysit?

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