To think that 'quality time' is a load of nonsense.

[darcymum]

Or rather that just about all time spent with your DCs is 'quality time' not just trips to the zoo etc. I think that telling your children off for hitting each other, making them do their maths homework and wrestling their clothes on them is every bit as 'quality' as fun days out. Or am I just kidding myself because my DCs don't get a great deal of the trips to the zoo type quality time and an awful lot of 'pick up your toys' type quality time?

Who invested the stupid phrase anyway!

Actually I agree with you darcymum, time spent focusing on your children in ANY way (even telling them off) counts as quality time.

Though they might not see it that way

Quality for child is as important as quality/alone/me time for the parent

so yes 10/20 mins of colouring/playing/cooking ideally 1 to 1 play etc is more important than just being there but not playing/joining in

same as I think all parents need that time to theirselves as well

I often work for 'yummy mummys' (their term) - they are sahm but sometimes need 'me' time and I come and look after their children and they meet a friend for lunch/go to the gym/hairdressers etc and come back refreshed

a happy relaxed parent = a happy relaxed child :)

I think children do need time when they are the focus of your attention which others have called quality time.

However, particularly as they get older I find, they also need quantity.
They don't need you to zoom around on the floor uninterupted for half an hour, but they do need to speak to you very often - and not at times convenient for you.
So we have to make ourselves available to them iyswim.
It almost feels like being on call lol.

I love spending time with my 3, even though the eldest is 20 then 17 and then 8.

the older two don't need as much time spend with them but when they were younger we went to the park together, rode our bikes and went pond-dipping as well as going on holidays.

I take my youngest every Thursday to football training and then on saturday and watch his matches.

I am a SAHM but I work as a Childminder as well so I am able to take and pick Ds up.

I am going to miss my eldest as he goes back to uni tomorrow :(

I think quality time is a nonsense phrase when dc are babies and toddlers. We try and be available for our dc the split second they need us which is most of the time, and in a way they get to pick and choose when they need us most.

As they grow, start school and become more independent though, I think it is easy to slip in to a routine where you are spending lots of time with them but not doing anything particularly special.

For example, dh is travelling atm which means I am working more hours. So although I am with dd for 3.5 hrs most nights between school and bed (4 to 7.30) which adds up during the week, those hours are usually taken up doing homework, cooking, supper, a few chores, bath, story reading etc. As an only child, the only quality bit of that from her point of view is the 30 mins story time and it can all get a bit mundane.

I don't always manage it but I try and get over this by "scheduling" 2 or 3 "special" hours with her every week. An hour on a Wednesday afternoon when we play something of her choice together (half-day at school) an hour on a Saturday when we walk in the park or visit a library, museum or smilar and I try and ring fence some time after lunch on Sunday when I am teaching her to sew. I find if I haven't "scheduled" it, it doesn't tend to happen.

To be honest though, I would have preferred her to have siblings and do all the stuff that Darcymum mentions with a brother and/or sister. That really would be quality time for her!! She has friends over to play but it's not the same.

Being an only one means that I get more time to entertain her, but sometimes I think it's sad that I am a sibling substitute. Can't think of anything more "quality" than a large family sitting around the table enjoying a meal together.

"Can't think of anything more "quality" than a large family sitting around the table enjoying a meal together."

Yes, that does sound lovely, I think in reality though at least one of them is crying still, that is also my idea of quality time even with the crying.

YABU.

I love Quality time. Especially the green triangles.

Agree Darcymum I'm probably looking back through rose-coloured spectacles but I come from a large family and have fond memories of us all joking around the table on Sundays and doing the washing up afterwards. In reality we were probably arguing and sulking and/or crying. It still felt good "overall" though iyswim.

Sitting around a table where there is two parents and one child or just me and dd when dh is away feels a bit out of balance (but this is my own particular hang-up - don't want to hi-jack thread with it!)

It's getting closer to Christmas isn't it.

I think that quality time is a very annoying phrase, especially when applied to time alone with DH (but that's probably just me).

With DS, I think that there is a hierarchy of time spent with him - and it is to do with how much of my attention he gets (never enough from his POV). So - we have time in the morning when I can slot in some MNing while he has breakfast - I'm still here if he calls me but not focusing on him at all. Some of our best "focus times" are when he's having his nappy changed (still, at 2.10, hope for not much longer) and we always have a good cuddle while drying him off. Then there is the quarter/half hour of blowing bubbles with him at some point; possibly baking biscuits etc. but mostly I will let him get on with stuff himself.

From his POV, so long as he can see me, he is mostly quite happy, but he'll let me know when he wants me to focus more on him in no uncertain terms.

So - hate the phrase but do believe there are differences in the "quality" of various time periods over the day. And that spending half an hour reading/drawing/baking/tickling/cuddling/whatver with your DC is just as good as taking them to the zoo.

i like spending time with them - though the half hour spent with them cuddling whilst wtching cbeebies is probbly nicer than the time spent out and about when they're being naughty.

'quality' is down to your perception, not the activity.

There are plenty of days at the zoo that are of inferior quality to days hanging around mucking about at home.

Day at home might include: making biscuits, spilling drinks, getting shouted at, having cuddles, snuggling up to watch telly, dressing up, hiding mummy's contact lenses and getting shouted at again, being kissed, running around shouting, doing some dancing in the kitchen, drawing vehicles, making lego, helping hang up the washing, heling put away puzzles, pretend tea drinking, making a den with old sheets, smushing hands around in paint.

Day at the zoo might include: daddy passing out at the price of the tickets, argument over helium balloons, selling a kidney to purchase huge helium balloon, balloon flying off into space and child having emotional breakdown, looking for the nearest loos every 20 mins, taking too long finding them and having to buy long T-shirt to cover lack of pants and trousers, spending your life's savings on food and ice-cream, navigating cunning routes that avoid passing the shop, losing your child, freaking out and finding them happily in the shop with a pile of fluffy anteaters, removing them in tears, trying to make them see the fascination of stick insects, lifting them up to see small beetles, missing most of the animals because they tend to sulk in their houses during torrential rainstorms, being shouted at by mummy for not enjoying it all enough, getting a parking ticket and when you get home mummy realising you have a temperature and the norovirus and would have been much happier under a rug on the sofa watching Madagascar.

Agree with Chil1234 that we won't know what the real "quality moments" in our children's lives are till they're all grown up!

When I look back on my childhood, I think the most blissful time i.e. when I was happiest was the hour when I came back home from school and was curled up on my bed with a good book and music on my Walkman (remember those?) with snacks and juice beside me. Mum wasn't physically in the room but it was she who had made the cake and prepared the squash. She'd pop her head in every few minutes and ask cheerfully if I wanted anything and would ruffle my head before leaving again. I have no idea why that time was so special...I don't remembering cherishing it while I was in the moment. But the truth is that was when I was most relaxed and happy - happy to be home, part of a loving family, with things that mattered to me.

The other good time was "board game time" on Christmas afternoons. I especially loved it when we played Pictionary as mum was hideous at drawing and would come up with side-splittingly funny pictures

Goodness KittyFoyle I'd hate to go on a day trip with you! why does going to the Zoo have to be such a hassle; CHILL OUT It's sopposed to be fun.

I also agree with Chil1234 It will surprise us in the end what children will recall as happy times.

I love the following poem that an American friend sent me years ago:

I hope my children look back on today
and remember a mother who had time to play.
There will be years for cleaning and cooking
but children grow up when we are not looking.
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
for babies grow fast as we learn to our sorrow.
So settle down cobwebs and dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

I have to also say that KittyFoyle sounds like she has lots of fun with her children when not at the Zoo So it obviously works for her.

i got back in touch with a school friend (thro FB) and we were messaging each other to catch up on what we were up to.

mine went along the lines of "after years of being a WOHM i'm now a SAHM and am surprised that i'm quite enjoying it but maybe thats because the kids go to kindergarten/school every morning giving me some me time! but it gives us some nice time to do stuff together in the afternoons!"

her reply in the next email was (exact words) - well i believe quality is more important than quantity"

wanted to slap her!

I think that DCs just want time. A really sad letter was one I read where a mother asked her 5 yr old what she wanted to do and she said 'I want you to have a cup of tea and read a magazine while I play'. Children need 'quality time' for want of a bettter term, where you play games etc with them but they also need benign neglect-it just needs a healthy balance.

YANBU - Quality time is a phrase coined by working parents (mothers and fathers alike) who don't have much time to spend with their DCs. All time parents spend with DCs then does becomes about quality.

IMO any time spent with DCs is quality time even if you are just relaxing together.

Not sure how parents who work do manage to have much quality time. I don't work but still seem to be rushing around after school delivering and picking up from afterschool clubs, Cubs etc, swimming, cooking, clearing up supper, homework and reading. Not quite sure how working mums manage to avoid this stuff and schedule in proper quality time instead.

Sunshine Nanny

That was actually a description of my friend at the zoo. DD was splashing in puddles barefoot and bare bummed and is very used to not having balloons, stuff from the shop etc - she's fine about being told 'no'. My friend was very hard work and although I love her when we go out for a glass of wine, I would hate to be her offspring. She spent the whole day saying 'I wish I could be as laid back as you' and then going mental. But sadly we do attract parking tickets like flies to a latrine. Possibly because the car is not unlike a latrine. And DH does raise his eyebrows at ticket prices although not he's not as voluble as my Dad who used to shout 'No thanks we've been ripped off once already!' every time we went anywhere. And once we did get home after a mopey day to find DD wasn't well and I felt bad for taking her anywhere. But NEVER go out with my friend unless it's for cocktails. And make sure she has lots.

Quality time is time spent with your child, plain and simple.

Well, I think the OP was referring to 'spending masses of cash on a specific day out', rather than what is generally termed as 'quality time'.

I reckon ... er ... kids like a balance. Mine generally take me for granted and possibly think I'm a boring drudge (but deeply necessary one), then get all excited when DH puts all his remaining energy into taking them to the farm for a few hours. They need us both, I reckon.

In fact, surely it is an incredibly simple idea ... people (children and adults) like to vary the pace a bit over the course of their various relationships. Big news

I'm SAHM and I think some time spent reading, doing jigsaws etc rates as higher quality than say her watching TV while I do the ironing.

It's not about what you are doing, it's about the attention you are giving them while you are doing it

About the rosy tinted meal times: what I found was that my happy memories must have been from a period when I and my brothers were quite a bit older than the stage where I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with my dcs and our family mealtimes. And that my parents probably went through exactly the same whiney, crying, arguing stage- just that my memories are not from that period. My own dcs are now moving into the civilised era, it's actually getting to be a pleasure. So hold on in there, folks, your time will come!