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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a tiny bit miffed about this?

35 replies

Limelight · 29/09/2010 22:36

I had a midwife appointment today and she had some trainees with her. While she was checking the heartbeat my midwife explained to them how to judge the baby's growth without using a tape measure or a scan. She said that in my case, she had to take into account the fact that the baby was surrounded 'with a 13.5 tog duvet of fat' (cue mock disapproving look to me and giggling).

Now I don't mind. I'm not particularly thin but neither am I chronically obese. And because she's my midwife she knows I have PCOS and could therefore have issues with weight loss. What I was annoyed about was using me as an opportunity to make the trainees laugh. Honestly, it was like I wasn't even there.

Probably just being hyper-sensitive, particularly as I lost 2.5 stone last year and so felt pretty good going into this pregnancy. I'm usually quite thick-skinned about these things.

OP posts:
colditz · 29/09/2010 22:37

Ask for a different midwife, and put a complaint in about the insensitive bitch.

JaynieB · 29/09/2010 22:37

I think thats pretty rude of her.

StealthPolarBear · 29/09/2010 22:38

yanbu

seeyoukay · 29/09/2010 22:38

How would you have liked her to put it?

StealthPolarBear · 29/09/2010 22:39

syk, something along the lines of "when measuring the growth you must take the mothers' size into account"
preferably at some other time

StealthPolarBear · 29/09/2010 22:40

aargh mother's size
right, bedtime

QuizteamBleakley · 29/09/2010 22:41

Shock I often wonder why people who have no manners / social grace when dealing with (potentially) sensitive issues choose such careers.

Mind you, I am a sod for wholly inappropriate humour so I may retrain as a gynaecologist... Am clearly a hypocrite!

Congrats!

5inthebed · 29/09/2010 22:42

YANBU

My last midwife was exactly the same, constantly making comments about my weight, despite the fact she knew I have PCOS and was on medication to help with weight loss prior to becoming pregnant.

Insensitive comment, complain if you feel up to it, I wish I had.

IMoveTheStars · 29/09/2010 22:44

seeyou, how about anything that wasn't fucking insensitive, unprofessional and rude

mollymawk · 29/09/2010 22:48

Wow. How rude. YANBU.

TechnoKitten · 29/09/2010 22:51

YANBU. You are in a position of dependence as her patient and she took advantage of this to make a joke at your expense. Bugger whether she knew about previous health issues which may make your weight difficult to control, it's inappropriate.

I would write an extremely angry letter of complaint about her lack of professionalism. Plus threaten to report her to whatever council she holds registration with. Then I would sleep on it, read the letter the next day and send a toned down version.

I went into my second pregnancy with about 5stone excess "duvet" with no medical reason other than liking cakes too much!

ShadeofViolet · 29/09/2010 22:52

Rude and unprofessional IMO.

NonnoMum · 29/09/2010 22:55

I would write a letter to the Head of Midwifery.

And you can refuse to have trainees in on any appointment.

And congrats on losing 2.5 stone! And even bigger congrats on the pregnancy.

shabbapinkfrog · 29/09/2010 22:58

My midwife (in 1981) had a young girl with her who was training to be a midwife. She said to the girl - 'Just feel the baby and have a guess at how far along Mrs SPinkfrog is - bearing in mind there is much more of her fat than there is baby!!!' Every time I saw her she remarked about my weight. Yes I was overweight but I used to lie there with tears rolling down my face.

Incidentally the trainee said she thought I was about 38 weeks and I was just 30 weeks. Ten days before I had my TWINS @ 38 weeks it was discovered that there was more than one baby Shock

YANBU - many people dont think before they put their gob into gear!!

Original poster
Limelight · 30/09/2010 11:32

Thanks everyone! It was a very strange experience - not unlike being back in the playground in fact. I was slightly annoyed with myself to be honest because I didn't say anything but felt slightly coerced into smiling and shrugging my shoulders in a 'ho ho, yes look at me, the stupid fat woman' way. Amazing how that was my default reaction.

In response to SYK. I'm not quite sure what your point is. I'm not tiny but I'm healthy, my BMI is fine, I exercise regularly, I eat well. My miffed-ness was not about her commenting on my size (I really am confident enough in myself to handle that - I've been called worse in my life. And as a medical professional, if she thinks there's a problem, I want her to say something). But that's not what was going on. She used me as an opportunity to make herself look good in front off her trainees. It was just rude.

Anyway, am going to think about complaining. I have to say that this midwife does have a bit of a reputation (thankfully I didn't have her during my last pregnancy but I know others who did). I did rather feel sorry for the trainees as she spent my whole appointment telling them that being a midwife was easy and boring now. Not like when she trained in the 60s! Time to retire....

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 30/09/2010 11:40

I would definately complain. No question about it. I bet she didn't exactly have Elle McPherson's figure herself? In my experience, it is only miserable people that get their kicks from bringing other people down.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/09/2010 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 30/09/2010 11:45

sorry but "size" = height to me and not weight

so I would talk to the trianes and ask them to take any extraweight the patient may be carrying or if they are underweight

then it refers to all situation and not whether the patient is to think or to fat.

Or you could use the words proportion

You could write a pc booklet for medical staff to use when patients are over wieght or underweight and how to say things in front of them properly so they ca not complain as they have used pc wording

bluecardi · 30/09/2010 11:47

yanbu - how unprofessional of her. Would complain.

Gillybean2010 · 30/09/2010 11:49

YANBU! I had a rather insensitive midwife this year, who would often say incredibly insensitive things. It got to the stage where I had to email the supervisor of midwives. After that, she was nicer to me, and said things like 'we got off on the wrong foot!' Things were much better after that too, she was a bit more sensitive to my hormonal-ness!

Might be worth sending an email/informal letter just to let her boss know about this?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 30/09/2010 11:53

Complain, and ask for the midwife to apologise to you in person and in front of the students, as an object lesson to them that patients are people, and have feelings, and that they are not just there to be the butt of medical professionals' jokes!

Of course it would have been wonderful to have thought of the perfect response at the time - it is so infuriating that we so often don't!

"I am still here and am not deaf - perhaps you could find another source for your comedy material!"

"How about teaching your students that it is inappropriate to use a patient's weight as a reason to laugh at them?"

"Do you really think that was a professional comment, Nurse X?"

anonacfr · 30/09/2010 11:55

Bitch.

taintedpaint · 30/09/2010 11:57

Oh this genuinely shocked me! Definitely complain, not only for your sake, but for others. This horrible woman can't be allowed to speak to anyone like this.

YANBU and sorry you had to listen to her.

WinkyWinkola · 30/09/2010 11:57

What a cow! I'd've been really angry. How dare she comment on your weight in order to get a laugh.

nickschick · 30/09/2010 12:01

Nasty cow.

Bet she has varicose veins in her fanjo.