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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a tiny bit miffed about this?

35 replies

Limelight · 29/09/2010 22:36

I had a midwife appointment today and she had some trainees with her. While she was checking the heartbeat my midwife explained to them how to judge the baby's growth without using a tape measure or a scan. She said that in my case, she had to take into account the fact that the baby was surrounded 'with a 13.5 tog duvet of fat' (cue mock disapproving look to me and giggling).

Now I don't mind. I'm not particularly thin but neither am I chronically obese. And because she's my midwife she knows I have PCOS and could therefore have issues with weight loss. What I was annoyed about was using me as an opportunity to make the trainees laugh. Honestly, it was like I wasn't even there.

Probably just being hyper-sensitive, particularly as I lost 2.5 stone last year and so felt pretty good going into this pregnancy. I'm usually quite thick-skinned about these things.

OP posts:

Gillybean2010 · 30/09/2010 12:01

Totally with tainted. I know you've said that you are confident in dealing with this, and that's great, but others having her as thier MW might not be. I think you'd be doing them and her students a favour in complaining :)

yellowflowers · 30/09/2010 12:01

I would complain. Talking to you about weight is one thing, making jokes about it at your expense is another. She could have always said that to them later when you were out of earshot. Complain.

lazarusb · 30/09/2010 14:28

The trouble is that the trainees present may now think that it is ok to insult their patients in this way. It is not. Complain, she is rude and unprofessional and you really didn't need her crap when you were willing to let the trainees stay in the first place.

eeyore2 · 30/09/2010 16:06

I am surprised that there are people on here saying this is a PC issue. It's not - it's just meanness, from somebody who is in a position of power over someone else. When you are pregnant and having your belly felt up by a midwife in front of various students you are not exactly empowered. And it is just cruel to mock somebody in this position. My advice would be to complain, but to make it clear you are complaining because you were emotionally upset by her treatment of you, rather than just being 'officious' and saying she should have used official or professional language. Poor you.

DaisySteiner · 30/09/2010 16:08

Very unprofessional. Dignity of the patient is a big thing in healthcare - she should know better.

MouseCostume · 30/09/2010 21:09

Oh dear, that was silly of her, trying to look cool in front of her trainees.

She was just making a joke though, she'd probably be mortified if she knew she'd upset you.

A thick skin is required, some mws are quite rude (mine's a bit of a giff, but I'm growing to like her matronly, no nonsense gruffness!)

Congrats on pregnancy, by the way!

prozacfairy · 30/09/2010 21:14

How bloody rude. YANBU or over sensitive.

I had a mw who kept poking me in the belly and asking me how many pies I had eaten. None actually. It was all chocolate cornflakes cakes. But that isn't the point. Tell me to watch what I eat but dont talk to me that way. And dont poke either. It actually hurt.

I'd ask for a different one, one who doesn't use you to get a cheap laugh. I wish I stood up for myself with people like that.

tiokiko · 30/09/2010 21:27

She sounds exactly like my MW. Complain and get a nice MW instead. You should be able to feel relaxed and comfortable in this setting and not be made to feel crap or distracted by stupid comments like this.

My MW was just like this, more concerned with making hilarious comments - every time I had to have a blood test, she said 'congratulations - the good news is you still don't have HIV' - WTF?

Long story but she ended up making several mistakes, one of which could have ended up with things going seriously wrong. Wish I had complained/moved at the start as I should have trusted my instincts.

prozacfairy · 30/09/2010 21:29

My MW was just like this, more concerned with making hilarious comments - every time I had to have a blood test, she said 'congratulations - the good news is you still don't have HIV' - WTF?

some people really shouldn't give up the day job... Or maybe they should as they are clearly crap at that too.

SnailWhaleTail · 30/09/2010 21:38

She sounds a bit try-hard-to-be-down-with-the-kids.

I'd say when you go next time that you were hurt and could she keep her jokes to a minimum in the future.

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