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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so angry with my sister.

83 replies

chattychattycitygirl · 29/09/2010 18:26

She and her latest (brand) new DP have announced they?re expecting their first child in February. She has always insisted she doesn?t want children, including only two weeks ago when last I asked her. She must have been at least 3 months pregnant and lying her head off. I feel really angry that she didn?t tell me and has gone behind my back.

OP posts:
Serendippy · 30/09/2010 08:03

YABU and a bit nuts.

Morloth · 30/09/2010 08:18

I don't tend to tell anyone other than DH until around 18 weeks, before that I try not to get too attached in case something goes wrong (have had a couple of miscarriages) and I don't want to deal with the fallout with other people if something does happen.

Nobody's business but my own.

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 30/09/2010 08:21

YABVU

'in answer to your straight questions'

Maybe you are too intrusive? back off and she'll involve you more?

LoveBeingInvitedToTheVIPSale · 30/09/2010 08:24

You are completly over reacting.

Could she have thought you would judge? (cant think why she would think that Grin)

Jux · 30/09/2010 08:27

How utterly disgusting of her to go and get herself pregnant behind your back. That means she must have been having sex behind your back. Good heavens, she might even have been talking about it with her husband behind your back.

I'd disown her immediately.

moomaa · 30/09/2010 08:33

ok, I'm obviously odd but I would have thought that TTC, any m/c, fertility issues, pregnancy were news to be shared with nearest and dearest, which sisters obviously are(?)

If I later found out that one of my Dsis's had kept that from us then I wouldn't consider us as close as I had thought we were and would be upset. Especially if it were as late as 18/19 weeks.

For me, this is one area where mumsnet seems to be very different to real life, friends I know share their news of early pregnancy and are there for each other if anything bad happens. The only area I know where that doesn't happen is work, or extended family which is fair enough (obviously don't expect friends to share their news, but nice when they do).

DuelingFanjo · 30/09/2010 08:42

Not at all mooma. Specially fertility issues. It's not 'normal' to share everythng, some people do some people don't. If you have fertility issues it can be horrible knowing everyone around you knows.

diddl · 30/09/2010 08:43

I never told anyone I was TTC.

Why would you?

I never told anyone I was pregnant until 16 weeks precisely because if I mc before then I wouldn´t have been able to bear the pity/sympathy-GPs also feeling sorry for themselves.

eventide · 30/09/2010 08:50

I told all my family as soon as I got the positive test with my first pregnancy and it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy. With my subsequent 2 healthy pregnancies I didn't tell anyone (other than DH) til a lot later as I didn't want to upset them if something was to go wrong. Maybe your sis has had previous complications or m/cs and felt the same? You probably put her on the spot with your question and she didn't know what to say.

ChaoticAngel · 30/09/2010 08:50

YABU

swallowedAfly · 30/09/2010 08:55

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swallowedAfly · 30/09/2010 08:56

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Serendippy · 30/09/2010 09:10

I didn't tell anyone I was TTC, friends of mine did and then got worn down by the stress of being asked every month 'how things were going'. When I got pregnant we only told parents, I figured if something went wrong I would not want everyone to know as too much sympathy can be a bad thing.

I would not be offended, in fact, if I think someone is pregnant but clearly wants to keep it to themselves because they are nervous or for any reason, I wouldn't ask them and I think it is very insensitive to badger someone about being pregnant if you think they are.

diddl · 30/09/2010 09:16

I can´t help wondering how the "we´re TTC conversation" comes up.

TBH I see it as quite attention seeking or self important.

A bit like people tweeting the minutiae of their lives.
Do they really think that people are that interested?

And do they expect people to constantly ask-"are you pregnant yet?"?

swallowedAfly · 30/09/2010 09:22

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cory · 30/09/2010 09:48

This is one of those sneaky OPs, isn't it, where the OP is actually the other person?

Chatty, I think you are absolutely right to be furious: the fact that your sister has got pregnant behind your back would suggest that she has gone even further and been having sneaky sex without even thinking of inviting you or informing you by text message. This is not on and I would suggest you instantly delete from your Facebook account/cancel her Christmas present and ask for all correspondence back including the teddy bear you gave her for her second birthday. That will learn her!

Serendippy · 30/09/2010 09:54

Oh Cory, you clever thing. That makes sense. In which case the OP has a mad and unreasonable sister Grin

cupcakesandbunting · 30/09/2010 09:59

Haven't read the entire thread but I think that OP is angry that he sister did an Oscar performance and lied about not wanting kids when she probably knew she was UTD.

OP has no right to be angry really but we all get angry about stuff that we have no right to like me just getting angry having to wait behind fifty three pensioners at the P.O to buy one fucking STAMP Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So YABU and YANBU.

diddl · 30/09/2010 10:09

But even if you were upset at being lied to, wouldn´t you be so pleased for your sister that you´d get over yourself it straight away?

sterrryerryoh · 30/09/2010 10:16

Diddl - just to answer your earlier question IME - we didn?t tell anyone we were trying to conceive until part-way through our 2nd IVF cycle - this was after about 8 years of people asking us if we were going to have a baby anytime soon. Definitely for us, other people continuously brought the topic up rather than us

cupcakesandbunting · 30/09/2010 10:19

Probably Diddl, yes.

Morloth · 30/09/2010 10:25

I would lie to if someone was being so nosy, sister or not.

belgo · 30/09/2010 10:28

YANBU. I just don;'t get why some people are so secretive and even lie about a pregnancy, especially if you were previously close as sisters.

diddl · 30/09/2010 10:30

Thanks sterry

I mean I was wondering, do some people just announce to family/friends that they are now TTC?

We were early 30s when we married & I think many people assumed we would try straight away.

I remember a good friend talking about her baby & saying "it´ll be your turn soon" & I told her that we wanted to have a bit of time together first-although I had just found out that I was pregnant.

She had a laugh when she found out afterwards & totally understood why I hadn´t told her.

DooinMeSizers · 30/09/2010 10:33

YABVU. But can we swap sisters. Yours has sex behind your back. Mine tried to bring her latest conquest to my house so she could she shag him here Shock at 1:15am on a school night the other day Shock Angry. And, no unfortunately I am not kidding. I would much rather she kept her sex life 'behind my back'

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