or is DH? I'm sure it's him :D

[cupcakesandbunting]

Right... DS goes to a pre-school which is attached to the C of E school that I would like him to attend.

I am christened cathlolic (father is a RC italian but mother is C of E) but consider myself more C of E as don't necessarily like a lot of catholicisms teachings. DH is not christened nor does he follow any faith, in fact he is fairly atheist. It's never been a problem before. I am not a "practicing" churchgoer although I do take DS at the "important" times i.e harvest festival, easter, christmas etc etc. DH opts not to attend, that's up to him.

Now, we both chose the C of E school for our DS, probably for different reasons. I do want DS to benefit from the moral guidance aspect of a C of E school (this is not to slate none faith schools, just personal preference) and I would like DS to be involved in a lot of the groups for the school children run by the church. They're very community-minded and I think it's a good thing.

Now, the very petty crux of this is that this sunday, the church are holding a harvest festival for one hour on sunday morning. I am unable to take DS as am away for the weekend but DH is here. I have asked him if he would go along with DS and take some food for the local food bank. DH doesn't want to go. I've pointed out that it is reasonable to expect DS to attend stuff like this if he is attending the schoolm attached to the church. DH says "well yes but we agreed that you would deal with that part of it" It's a one-off. I think he's being a hypocrite. So the faith school is good enough for your son but the faith that comes with it is not? He's using various excuses but they all boil down to he CBA.

AIBU or is he?

sorry I think you are BU too.

I am an atheist, wouldn;t go to a church service UNLESS it was to see a friend get married/buried out of respect to them. I find the whole experience uncomfortable, if there is communion thats even worse as I have to look like a pillock for not going up.

He is not a christian and you are. He might be hypocritical wanting your DS to go to a church school but he obviously has rationalised in his own mind what he is prepared to do for it and it doesn;t include church services.

Besides don;t you think its a bit hypocritical to be only attending the big services only? Just take him to the next service you can.
And I wouldn;t want to especially make friedns through a church either BECAUSE I'M AN ATHEIST! I don;t want to make friedns with people from the local chess club either BECUASE I DON:T PLAY CHESS - nothing to do with how I feel about the indiviuals involved, I'm sure I have friends who are religious but it didn;t form the cornerstone of our inital friendship.

WOuld you expect him to go if he were Jewish? Because some people seem to think that being an atheist is like being a watered down CofE!

kewcucumber so do you not join in the prayers at weddings/funerals? DH does so I can't see why going to this one service would be any different in that respect.

I do think I am a bit hypocritical going to the big services, yes. But I go when I can. It's better than never going, IMO.

So you're not friends with anyone who goes to church or would not form a friendship with anyone who was religious? I am assuming that most of us form friendships with people we meet in all sorts of places. Where you met doesn't set the tone of the relationship. I met one of my good friends at ante-natal but we don't spend every minute chatting about birthing plans.

Brightlight DH chose the school because it had an excellent Ofsted score He did also say the other night "maybe we should have had DS christened to up his chance of getting in" again.

I'm with your husband. I wouldn't take my child to a Tory Party rally just because my partner usually does (although if I were living with a Tory I'd be more stupid than unreasonable).

" Am I really BU because I want DH involved in something relating to a decision we both made?"

The decision you both made was that you would do all the church stuff.

All you have to do to resolve this is take your
DS next Sunday instead. Are you sure that ono turning up for the main events will be enough to get your DS a school place? I'm not... Usually you have to show a proper commitment to the church.

I'm also an atheist and with your DH; and no, I don't join in prayers/hymns at weddings or funerals (though I do stand up/sit down as apporopriate; fortunately, kneeling has not yet been involved). I wouldn't attend a christening at all these days.

I think being baptised into a faith is usually a big part of the admissions policy of faith schools. Have you checked it all out carefully? One I looked at said you must attend for an average of 2 out of 4 sundays, certainly more than the 'big' events. And gave extra points for involvement eg volunteering etc. If you are not in catchment but hoping for a 'faith' place I would be certain that you were going to meet those requirements.

I'm backing the YABU.

He is being very unreasonable, unless this is an actual church service. If it is not a religious event, but only a harvest festival held at the church, and bringing food to the church food bank, he is VU.

Just read the thread, seems like it is a church service after all.

Maybe he will consider bringing a box of stuff afterwards to the food bank, and maybe have a tea/coffee, so your child can enjoy a bit of the gathering afterwards. (If they do that there)

no I don't join in prayers! Why would I? Who would I pray to? I am respectful, I sometimes bow my head (though I don't kneel) or I quietly read the order of service.

If your DH is an atheist I doubt very much that he is praying either - or he isn't an atheist!

Yes I have friends of many and no religious persuasions but have generally met them through some common interest - I rarely make friends at the local bus stop or train station, have met friends through work (same career) or through MN local meetings (all have DC's similar age) and yes initally when we were just acquaintances not friends out conversations heavily involved the thing we had in common - I'm sure you spent a lot of time discussing birth plans with your ante natal group initally.

I didn't put DS's name down for the local CofE school because I couldn't bear the thought of attending all those church services pretending to beleive and then at some point having to explain to DS that it was all bollocks to me and I was effectively lying to him about who I am. Your DH has a neat get out clause for this as you can do church duty and maybe he feels the way I do.

Embarassingly I wouldn;t have a problme lying to the church/vicar etc as I don't beleive there is anyone to smite me down for my sins but I do have a problem looking DS in the eye and lying.

gtamom - how do you have a festival in a church that isn't religious

PS can I just just say that your profile picture is lovely!

I'm an atheist and don't join in the prayers either but I do sing the hymns with gusto as I rather like a lot of them.

"He who would valiant be.." will now be in my head for the rest of the day.

oh join in willingly with the hymns too - the only point to attending IMVHO.

"Dear Lord and Fa-ah-ther-er of mankind forgive our foolish waaaays"

Don't think anyone is being that unreasonable. As you've said, your DH has a problem with religion and its probably best that you just respect that (not the same thing as liking it). Yeah, your son may miss out, but why not ask DH to do something special with him instead.

Ok I concur that I was BU.

But ( there's always a but!) I am insisting that DH delivers a box of food before the service begins. So he'll get out of the service but still have to get out of bed nice and early

Make sure your son's name and school admission year are clearly marked on the box :o

"Not sure what the bitchiness is about"

Ah, yeah, fair enough

The 'moral guidance' comment got me all rubbed up the wrong way.
Then you commented twice about the church's community-ness... A couple of elderly relatives of mine found out the church they had gone to all their lives wasn't quite so community-minded when they were lonely and house-bound and actually needed them... hence the sarcasm. Sorry. Unhelpful.

Just skimmed through the last few posts, sorry.

But can she go with a school friend?

(YANBU, by the way)