Idiotic woman who thinks I am a wimp for being in pain after a 3rd degree tear strikes again!

[DetectivePotato]

There is a mum at our toddler group. She is nice but I do find her slightly irritating.

Before I said about how she calls her DS a wimp. Then she told me and another pregnant mum that we are wimps for being in pain after our last births when we both had bad tears. She was up ironing the day after her c section apparently.

Today I was talking to the other pregnant mum (we are due 3 days apart) asking if she was feeling a lot of movement as I am feeling less this time due to where DD is lying. This idiot woman leans over and asks me if I feel more at night. I said yes. SHe said "Ha ha, that means the baby will be up all night, ha ha". I said thats rubbish and DS did that and was a really good sleeper. She then says she is going to tell my baby to make sure she keeps me up all night?! WTF is she on about?

I know I am hormonal but I wanted to thump the idiot in the face tbh.

What do you mean "she is nice" she sounds toxic and to be avoided.

She sounds like a bit of a moron, one of those people who don't know when to stop running their mouths. I have an acquaintance like this, she is mostly sweet however (unlike yours apparently!), but she just doesn't know when she is being annoying and I don't have the balls to tell her to STFU!

YANBU btw.

She's a loon. Gawaaaaaan, thump her! Seriously though, she sounds like a nut job. What an idiot to say the baby will be up all night. Tsk.

I think she's one of those people who doesn't quite know how to relate or be in the gang and she does it by silly jokey crap like that that ends up grating on people.

Its inappropriate of her but have you tried a bit of banter with her? You might actually end up liking her.

Frankly, she sounds rude and bitchy. Does she realise that you have all left high school and it's time to act like adults?

Telling the baby to keep you awake at night - WTF? I mean, it's not like it will take any notice of her, but it's a bit of a mean thing to say to someone who's pregnant. She is clearly a wannabe alpha female.

She sounds barking. Ignore ignore ignore.

It sounds like she thinks you are better friends than you are. That is the kind of jokey comment that you might make to a very good friend depending on how sleep deprived they were at the time!

Would annoy the hell out me though. I would probably have made some kind of sarcastic comment.

YANBU

This requires a "do you always come out with this kind of crap?" type comment

She does sound very insecure and unconfident if she's barging her way into your conversation using this sort of shite as an opener

Some people are just wretched. I have spent the last 9 weeks desperately avoiding a sort of friend who came round my house 3 days after I came out of hospital post birth and said -

My baby had a funny head
My epesiotomy would get infected
In 3 months time I would not be able to poo
My milk would dry up
My house had too many steps and I'll never get the baby up and down them

And said and did a load of other stupid and pointless things.

Now she's acting all hurt because I keep making excuses why I can't see her. I can't figure out whether these people are mentally different and don't realise how they come across or if they are just evil.

I had a second degree tear and I experienced pain for six months. It took a long time for my sex life to get back to normal. I must be a mega wimp. My labour was hideous inspite of having an epidural.

However second births are often completely different to first births. With dd I did not tear at all and needed no pain relief.

Having a third degree tear is worse than a C section. There are women who diliberate opt for a c-section without medical grounds(ie. the too posh to push bridage), no one opts for a third degree tear.

I think that woman is toxic and has her own issues. It is hard to think of anything to reply with that would not be equally nasty.

Sounds highly irritating. Women like that should not be allowed to talk to you when you are pregnant..would it be unreasonable to give her a little slap and blame it on the hormones?

She sounds like a right cow.

She sounds socially inept..one of those annoying sods who find things everyone else would think is appalling funny and vice versa..best spoken to in small doses..if she continues you may have to tell her some home truths if you can...

If she does carry on with her stupid comments, I will have to say something. I won't have a choice. The hormones will take over for me, they are raging atm!!!

Any witty comebacks welcome!

She does strike me as socially inept and I'm sure she says things just to talk half the time. Pity they aren't 'normal' comments.

Rude don't blame you for avoiding her!

Oh and this woman works at the sodding maternity ward where I will be after giving birth! I really really hope she isn't working that day.

She sounds like a nightmare! Next time she comes out with a stupid comment like that (there definitely will be a next time) really snap at her - a loud "SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Should do it. Make sure people hear you, if shes been coming out with things like that regularly the other mums will probably applaud you. Wait a while, then apologise and blame your hormones. I guaruntee she'll think before she speaks in future!

Its at a toddler group so I can't swear!

Also I mentioned the comment (to my friends) she made about me being a wimp for being in pain after the tear and not all of them seemed to think it was that big a deal as they all think she is really nice.

Write down your sweary response and pass it to her on a note. The toddlers won't know anything about it .

Its ok Avril she just takes the photos of the babies when you are on the ward, so nothing to do with actually looking after us 'wimps'.

I can just imagine me passing on a shitty note to her!

I am sooooo non confrontational though, I don't say anything to anyone.

Some people are very stupid, when you encounter one I find the best thing to do is nod and smile and do something else in your head while they are talking.

Good luck with your birth! Maybe stick it in your birth plan that you can't have a soul around you except for attending medical staff and your DP. Or just name her!

Incidentally, the most recent attempt my charmer made to engage with me was that she wanted to lend me a Hooter Hider. Nooooooooo....

I'm not hormonal, would you like me to thump her for you?

Think of some stock phrases for her

" Did you mean that to be as stupid as it sounded? "

" I suppose that one point of view "

" is that really the sort of advice you give at work?" which could be followed up with " Have there been many complaints? "

repeat back what she's said in an incredulous tone rolling your eyes

"well YOU would say that"

How about (in a pitying voice) 'ah well you took the easy way out and had a c-section didn't you?' if she says you are a wimp again for being in pain.

Before anybody flames me - yes, I know a c-section is not an easy way out, but that in this instance it might be a way of maybe counter-acting the idiot mum by turning whatever she is proud of and boasting about into a thing to be pitied IYSWIM...

So if she is going on about ironing after giving birth or whatever, try 'oh poor you, how terrible,m never mind, hopefully you'll get over it soon and it will all be a distant memory...'

If you say if often enough, she might find that she gets embarrassed by the number of times she needs to say 'no, you don't understand, it was a good thing and I was --being mean trying to establish oneupmanship-- explains how actually she thinks she is wonderful to you

Re her working at your maternity ward, just put it in your birthplan that you know this woman personally and do not wish to see her. Then tell all the midwives so they are aware - sorted.