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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to ask my dad his reasoning?

57 replies

beth35 · 28/09/2010 14:05

Wondered if i should ask my dad something. Found out he gives my nephew pocket money and wondered why he doesnt do the same with the others?
Not about the money just feel a bit hurt for my lo.
Would you ask if there is any particular reason for this or is that rude?

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 28/09/2010 14:06

It's his money, even if it is unfair. I wouldn't say anything, it's up to him what he does with his cash.

Serendippy · 28/09/2010 14:08

YABU. There may be reasons or, as belle says, he may just be choosing how to spend his own money. Irritating but not your business.

bigchris · 28/09/2010 14:08

Is nephew older than all the others
no I wouldn't ask otherwise you'll sound bitter and twisted

paisleyleaf · 28/09/2010 14:08

Have you any idea what his reasoning might be?

Poogles · 28/09/2010 14:11

Are there different circumstances? My sister is less well off than me & my brothers. My Dad often 'treats' her children without doing the same for ours. We don't have an issue with this - he just treats her children to things we treat ours to because she can't afford it.

I often treat her children to things without treating my other nieces and nephews as my sister can't afford to do it herself and has other priorities for her cash (bills!).

Original poster
beth35 · 28/09/2010 14:29

He is older and yes they are not as well off as we are which may be the reasoning.
I dont want to sound bitter and twisted at all, just want all to be treated the same i suppose.
Because his mum cant afford to give him pocket money i dont think thats down to my dad to do it, i work hard its not my fault if she had never worked... (oh yes its a bigger issue than just the money and yes am aware of how i am sounding lol)

OP posts:
louii · 28/09/2010 14:32

I think u should mind your own business, seriously you sound very bitter and jealous, get a grip.

Serendippy · 28/09/2010 14:33

It's not your dad's responsibility to give your nephew pocket money but it is very kind of him to do it. Whether or not his parents work is nothing to do with him, your dad is not treating the whole family to holidays abroad, just making sure his grandson doesn't miss out. Kind, I think. Can see where you are coming from but just think of it as placing all the children on an equal footing.

QuintessentialShadows · 28/09/2010 14:34

Not the nephews fault that his mum has not worked, or that his family is worse off financially than yours.

OTTMummA · 28/09/2010 14:35

can't you just be happy knowing that your children don't need that?
Yes the mother doesn't work etc, but thats not the kids fault is it?
Your dad can do what he likes with his own money frankly.
So long as your children don't know about this, or feel left out if they already know then just keep shtum.
Oh and what about this boy's father?
where is he, maybe your dad feels he needs to take a certain role if he is absent somehow.

seeker · 28/09/2010 14:36

There is no way you can talk to your dad about this without sounding petty and mean spirited. Vent about it on here, but don't say a single word in real life.

loopyloops · 28/09/2010 14:36

You sound like a lovely, caring auntie Hmm

DurhamDurham · 28/09/2010 14:37

I think it's lovely for your Dad to be so thoughtful, as long as he tactful and doesn't dole it out in front of your children there should be no problem.

AMumInScotland · 28/09/2010 14:38

Treating everyone exactly the same isn't always the same as treating everyone fairly, or as being kind or sympathetic, or any of the other reasons why your father might be doing this.

If he sees one grandchild not able to go out, do things, buy things etc, then he may well feel that he is levelling the playing field for them by doing this.

proudnglad · 28/09/2010 14:41

I understand why you feel slightly agrieved and not sure why are you being attacked, but no definitely don't say anything!

As everyone's said it's his money, his choice.

Does he treat them all the same in other ways?

prozacfairy · 28/09/2010 14:43

Me and my sister got pocket money from our gran when we were kids but our cousin didn't. Why? Because our mum couldn't afford to give us any and my cousin's parents could and did.

As it happens, my gran often used to give my sister money to buy my niece and nephew "a little something" but not so much for my DD. Her reasoning was my sister didn't have money for treats for her 2 but I did for DD. Fair? Maybe not but it never bothered me. It was my gran's way of doing something nice for my sister. It wasn't about excluding me.

nobodyisasomebody · 28/09/2010 14:45

What are the bigger issues?

Are you much better off than them?

Original poster
beth35 · 28/09/2010 14:47

Im not sure why being attacked but im not fussed and cant be bothered to justify on here, laughed at the lovely caring auntie one!

He didnt treat me the same as my sister and never has done so this is the bigger issue of why i feel a little hurt. But yes am very happy i can provide for my own ;)

OP posts:
loopyloops · 28/09/2010 14:51

This is why you are being attacked:

"i dont think thats down to my dad to do it, i work hard its not my fault if she had never worked"

I thought this was all about your nephew, your own children and pocket money from your dad, not you, your sister and who deserves approval from your dad. Just be proud that yours don't go without and grateful that someone is looking out for your nephew.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/09/2010 14:55

Ok, you feel like this because your dad has always seemed, to you, to favour your sister. That's rough on you but it's not your nephew's fault. And saying something will only make your family think you are a whiny jealous cow.
Try to look on it as what it sounds like - that your dad is giving a little boy something he wouldn't have had but which his cousins do have.

nobodyisasomebody · 28/09/2010 14:55

He didnt treat me the same as my sister and never has done

It sounds like there is a back story to this. We can't form an opinion without the relevant facts. Do you mean your sister was favouritised over you? If so that isn't really your nephews fault.

But yes am very happy i can provide for my own ;)

Does this mean yes, you are better off than them? It sounds a bit snide tbh.

Original poster
beth35 · 28/09/2010 14:56

No we are not much better off at all.

Loopyloops thats why i kept saying its a bigger issue than the issue i first put hence me feeling a bit out out. How much nicer it would have been if you had simply asked a me a couple of questions.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 28/09/2010 14:57

Your dad sounds lovely. What a caring thing to do.

nobodyisasomebody · 28/09/2010 14:57

Is your sister a lone parent?

Kaloki · 28/09/2010 14:58

"i dont think thats down to my dad to do it, i work hard its not my fault if she had never worked"

Is that your nephews fault? Should he lose out because of it?