To give up on friend with seriously ill child

[wubbzy1981]

Long story short...

Our relatives live next to one another and we have been really close friends in our own right the last few years. We do not live close by but used to see one another reguarly.

She discovered her young son had cancer early this year. I tried calling her as soon as i heard but she did not answer so i left a message and followed it up with a text but no reply.

We saw each other by chance a few weeks after, we had a good chat and she said he would be starting chemo and radiotherapy. She also said they were setting up accounts for fund-raising etc and i said to give me the details and i would do everything i could to help.

That was six months ago and I text every few weeks and never get a reply and she does not answer the phone.

I hear he is responding well from other people.

At what point do you give up trying. I dont want to stop and for her to think that I dont care but at the same time I'm thinking there might be a hint there somewhere, especially since, if she is fundraising she would probably want everyone she can helping out.

I agree with much ofthis but I would just add that as well as the complexity of trying to function when you are dealing with illness and acute stress, there is the fact that you cannot rely on your emotions anymore

I remeber when I was trying to cope with DS2 as the level of his disabilities unravelled in front of me, I reached the point where I couldn't read books or watch films that I hadn't seen before. The possibilitythat something may resonate and knock down the last vestiges of control I had was too great.

I had a few friends who I would have to say 'please don't hug me. I won't be able to keep it together if you hug me'

And I remember too having a long time where I couldn't phone people. How could I say anything that was not going to upset them or me or both?
I actually realise now that some of my friends would have been great but at the time you just dig yoursel;f a trench.
You have to hold on to the only places where you are safe and sometimes that is simply in the routine, within the fight you are trying to win.
Does that make any sense?

Knowing what I know, if it were me, I would send a small gift - a scented candle or a bath oil - and say 'I am here if you need anything. I miss you'

At the time it never occured to me that people missed me. I just felt like my sons mother - not like me anymore