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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand why so many women seem to like their sons better than their daughters?

79 replies

HeathcliffMoorland · 26/09/2010 18:17

I've read all the threads...

But a few things have been said that genuinely confuse me.

One woman had a dd and then a ds, and said if she had another girl she'd push it back up... I know it's not meant literally, but...

I also heard a 'baby boys are cuter'. They look the same... The only real difference before a certain age is the clothing!!!

And I also hear all about boys loving their mummies... my dds seem to like me just as much as ds does.

Another elsewhere said she never wanted a ds, but had one, and was now always in danger of favouring him over her dd.

I know loads of women who give their sons larger portions, or praise them highly for nehaviour that would be seen as just normal/right coming from their daughters.

I love all my children.

AIBU to be a bit confused?

OP posts:

brassband · 26/09/2010 18:18

Rubbish.i am prepared to bet that most women who have a preference, prefer to have a baby girl.

chibi · 26/09/2010 18:18

internalised misogyny

i have a dd and a ds and i'll be damned if i broadcast that message to either of them

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 26/09/2010 18:20

brassband, I'm only referring to things I have seen/read/heard. I'm not talking about what someone would rather have. I'm talking about treatment/attitude to children that have arrived.

OP posts:

Morloth · 26/09/2010 18:21

You noticed this on Mumsnet? The home of the 'Oh no, I am having a boy, poor me!' thread?

I have noticed the opposite here, I only have boys though so am viewing it from that position. I adore my boys, the sun rises and sets but I am pretty sure I would feel the same way about a daughter.

Conflugenglugen · 26/09/2010 18:22

I don't think YABU to be confused.

I believe that, as a woman, having a girl can bring up - in ways that having a son just doesn't - all of our own mother-daughter issues.

What's more, daughters are often the innocent and unwitting recipient of our projections. Many of us want a "mini me", but then we also get to experience all those parts of ourselves that we would rather not know about.

In that way, sons are less complicated, because they are not such an effective receptacle for these projections.

My 2c.

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 26/09/2010 18:22

Morloth, noticed only a bit of it on mumsnet, but see a lot of in real life, and one Irish parenting board. Perhaps it's the Irish mammy stereotype!

OP posts:

Conflugenglugen · 26/09/2010 18:23

... and I am generalising grossly here.

Just trying to illustrate a possibility.

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 26/09/2010 18:24

Interesting, conflugenglugen.

OP posts:

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 26/09/2010 18:25

I deffo see your point, by the way!

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 26/09/2010 18:26

Oh its a load of crap!!..i have 2 girls..completely different for each other..one is an 8yr old going on 18 and the other is a snuggler who would happily remain 5 forever..but they are both loving and funny and special in their own way...if i had a son he would be another child in the mix...

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 26/09/2010 18:28

I have one of each, dd definitely the easier child to get on with. Bringing up DS came close to breaking my spirit at times - he has/had ADD and was very oppositional. It was very hard to remain positive about him at times. Now, however, I do have this gorgeous 21 year old who I proudly watch get his Maths degree this summer!! But I have an easier relationship with my DD.

Mowiol · 26/09/2010 18:29

I don't think mums "prefer" DSs but maybe they are more intrigued by them?
They understand their daughters more but boys will be uncharted territory if you like so maybe they just find them more mysterious?
I know that my daughter and I went head to head a lot because I understood the sorts of things she could/did get up to, how she thought etc. We also did all the worrying about her being taken advantage of/pregnancy etc. Maybe mums just worry about DDs being vulnerable and think boys are easy - they are not though!
I did not prefer my DS to my DD but he was more of a puzzle as to how his mind worked so perhaps thats how other mums feel?
So I think YABU to think mums "prefer" sons.

Original poster

HeathcliffMoorland · 26/09/2010 18:32

Mowiol, that wasn't my question. I don't think mums prefer sons as a rule.

I know quite a few mothers that do. Many will admit they do.

If we take this as a fact, then I was asking was I BU to be confused by it.

OP posts:

celebmum · 26/09/2010 18:32

i only have 1DS so can't comment on personal choice... but tend to lean slightly towards agreeing with OP... admitidly i don't read EVERY post on MN but often come across more boy friendle comments then girls ones..?

ShowOfHands · 26/09/2010 18:34

Nooooooooooooooo.

Not another one.

Oh for the love of Mary, no more threads on this.

diddl · 26/09/2010 18:39

I love my two equally & I hope to goodness that that is all I show to them.

But there are times when my daughter isn´t "likeable"-and this doesn´t apply to my son at all.

It might just be their personalities, or it might be that my daughter can be vicious/spiteful in a way that males just don´t seem to do.

blametheparents · 26/09/2010 18:45

I can tell you that after the day I have had with DS I am ready to sell him on ebay , and I can categorically state that I prefer my DD today!
He is going to bed early and has had his DS confiscated for a month.
And breathe ........

pagwatch · 26/09/2010 18:47

I have been on here five years now and I have never noticed this at all. And never heard it in real life either.

I don't know people who talk about liking one of their children more than another - for reasons of their sex or anything else. Except one woman who said to me within 5 minutes of meeting her that she didn't like her 2nd DD.
Perhaps my subsequent expression is the reason that other people wouldn't talk about such things in front of me?

But i am increasingly freaked out by the things that people post on here that someone/people have said. And the reactions they seem to have when interacting with the outside world.

TBH mumsnet is making me think the world is a bit odd just at the moment or that I am living in an alternate universe

lazylula · 26/09/2010 18:49

I have 2 boys and love them to bits, but they are both very different. I have to say I experience more of the 'glad I have a girl' syndrome from others as boys seem to be seen as noisy, irritating ect. I even had some one look at more 2, who were at the time playing up at the supermarket and said TO ME! 'See that is why I am glad I only had girls, boys are so naughty!'. They were more being a bit noisy, basically had had enough of shopping and we were heading for the tills!

edam · 26/09/2010 18:52

I think conflug might be on to something. Have had one or two of these conversations IRL. Maybe there would be more if I didn't have an only child - possibly people are more likely to talk about these things to other parents with b/g combinations.

Seem to be a lot of people on here who fall for that pop psychology crap about boys somehow being discriminated against at school. I dunno, maybe some mothers are more protective of their boys?

MotherofHobbit · 26/09/2010 18:55

I haven't noticed this on Mumsnet but I have noticed in RL, mostly with older generations.

Hassled · 26/09/2010 18:56

I'm closer to DD - in that we talk more about life/feelings/whatever, certainly compared to my relationship with DS1. But equally, no one in the world has ever made me angrier than DD - we know exactly how to push all the wrong buttons with each other. DS1, and the younger DSs to an extent, seem more vulnerable - possibly because they confide less and so there are more unknowns. So maybe I feel more protective of them.

As my stepmother used to say, I dislike them all equally :o.

piscesmoon · 26/09/2010 19:01

I have never noticed that on here! I have noticed that women think you are missing out if you don't have a mother/DD relationship and there seems to be a pronounced preference for girls.
I don't see how anyone can have a favourite child or gender-it would be inconceivable to me not to love all your DCs equally-whatever the gender.

violethill · 26/09/2010 19:23

I think Conflugenglugen makes an interesting point which probably has some truth in it.

However, I certainly haven't noticed anything on MN to suggest mothers 'prefer' sons - if anything, it's the opposite. There seems to be more of a preference for girls. Also, some people do seem to feel that in the longer term, when it comes to having grandchildren, the maternal grandmother often 'trumps' the paternal one, in terms of week to week involvement etc. I don't really understand it, but I know when I had dds, several people said to me how nice it was because one day they'd give me grandchildren, whereas no one has ever mentioned that my ds might also give me grandchildren!

Rollmops · 26/09/2010 19:24

brassband, sorry, your comment is utter rubbish. I have 2 boys and have always wanted boys. However, had I had a girl I know I would love her just as much.

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