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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be cross that ds got a 'star' for emptying his plate at school lunch?

77 replies

arcticwind · 24/09/2010 14:09

not for good table manners, or maybe healty choices, or trying a new food / vegetable, but just for finishing all the food on his plate.
I thought that this insistance in emptying your plate had links to childhood obesity - children need to learn the levels of how much they feel like and not be forced to finish everything on the plate.

I am very tempted to speak to his teacher AIBU?

OP posts:

crisproll2 · 24/09/2010 18:46

What a lot of nonsense. Mumsnet at its worst best!

MaMoTTaT · 24/09/2010 19:00

musicposy - it's not as simple as "if they don't eat the contents of their lunches give them less"

we're talking about some children who won't eat ANYTHING for days on end at lunch time, not because they don't like the food, not because they're "not hungry" - but purely because they haven't got it into their heads that if they want to be healthy they need to eat.

When they get to a certain age even if you don't "give" them stuff to fill up on when they get home - they'll take things without asking (not great when you're on a budget and food has to last the week), or - they'll come down in the night and fill up on stuff then.

Some children NEED to have these things regulated for them - and believe me when you realise that your 10yr old has dashed out to school without eating his breakfast, has thrown his lunch away then actually you rather appreciate the school not letting any children throw anything from their lunch boxes away so you can monitor it,

DurhamDurham · 24/09/2010 19:09

YABU...it's not like they get big portions at school. It must be awful for lunch time assistants to scrape endless leftovers into the bin. I could understand you being upset if they'd made him eat it all up,but they didn't. He was just rewarded for eating a meal which had been cooked for him.

Lizamar · 24/09/2010 19:14

YANBU
Both DF and I were brought up this way and I hated it! We do not do this in our home. Small portions and seconds if your hungry

springchik · 24/09/2010 21:10

I would be absolutely thrilled to bits if my ds1 cleared his plate. Infact I cant remember the last time he did clear his plate and I give him small portions btw!

Egg · 24/09/2010 21:18

My DS1 just started Reception and has done two weeks. I was allowed to go in and sit with him on his first day when he had a school lunch. They do get given stickers if they clear the majority of their plate (DS1 was encouraged to finish his broccoli, he had finished everything else).

The portions are not huge. They are offered a choice so they hopefully have chosen something they vaguely like. I don't think it's a bad thing to encourage them to eat their meal, although I do always say to DS1 at home that he doesn't have to finish everything if he is full.

However he didn't get his sticker this Monday because he didn't eat his ice cream (he doesn't like ice cream and there is only one pudding choice). I think this is a bit unfair, although he didn't care!

I can't imagine any child sitting there forcing their food down just for a sticker, if they are really full or really dislike the food they have.

Oldjolyon · 25/09/2010 20:41

I think you're right.

I was always brought up to eat until I am full, and then to stop. I hate that feeling of over eating and then feeling sick. I am quite in tune with my body, and know how much is enough for me... I think encouraging children to eat what is on their plate goes against this... and teaches children not to be in tune with their bodies. Not good in my book, particularly when we consider how much portion sizes (and obesity) have increased since the 1970s.

Lynli · 25/09/2010 20:58

I think you are NBU. It is important children learn to stop eating when they are full.

You do not need to eat unhealthy food to get fat, just more than you need.

boogiewoogie · 25/09/2010 21:31

Your are not being unreasonable for insisting that table manners. the ability to hold a knife and fork properly etc takes precedence over the ability to finish everything on a plate.

However, I do think that you are being unreasonable for being "cross" and considering talking to the teacher about it! Come on, don't you think that you are over reacting a little? Your OP makes it sound as if the children are being force fed at school. Perhaps at parents evening, drop a comment about giving him a star for table manners, good eating habit etc?

I take your point about the risk of overeating and childhood obesity. However children's learning the level of how much they need and feel like starts at home. If you have trained your child already at home how to control portions and not being obliged to finish off everything then what is the worry about how he eats at school? You think he'll suddenly over eat? Are you certain that he is being "forced to finish everything on his plate" as you put it?

crisproll2 · 25/09/2010 22:01

Make a comment at parents evening about stickers given out in the school dining hall?!
I hope the teacher is able to keep a straight face.
Middle class hand wringing over a non problem.
Fabulous!
As for the connection between the tiny helpings served in primary school dining rooms nowadays and childhood obesity...the mind boggles!
Jamie's done his thing ladies. School meals are now MN friendly!
Obviously there is still some work to be done in the sticker department.

springchik · 27/09/2010 19:53

Thought about this thread today when ds1 had his first full day at school and stayed for packed lunch. He was given a sticker which said your lunch box empty you're eaten plenty! OR something like that I cant remember the exact words but I was so proud of his as he usually has a very poor appetite.

scottishmummy · 27/09/2010 20:03

how dare a teacher gratuitously hand out praise. next thing there will be spontaneous smiling.and what will that lead to

yes do have a word with teacher and headie.cant let this kind of thing go on

Mumcentreplus · 27/09/2010 20:11

Are you taking the piss?

scottishmummy · 27/09/2010 20:20

do i get a sparkly star if i am

pointydog · 27/09/2010 20:29

Channel that energy into Doing Good.

scottishmummy · 27/09/2010 20:30

as opposed to chinning a teacher about trivia? do complain.give the staffroom a giggle

pointydog · 27/09/2010 20:34

I was replyign to the op, sm.

OrmRenewed · 27/09/2010 20:34

Agree with teebee.

If is he genuinely full up, or the meal was too big, then YANBU, but if (as I would suspect of my DC) he simply got bored of eating and would rather be doing something else YABU. If he failed to eat his lunch and then wanted something else later 30 mins later, what would your reaction be?

belgo · 27/09/2010 20:35

YANBU. A child should not be rewarded for normal eating habits.

scottishmummy · 27/09/2010 20:36

and i was addressing Mumcentreplus,pointydog

JiminyCricket · 27/09/2010 20:42

This really bugs me. On the one hand I have dd1 with a big appetite and who needs to learn to stop when she's full, and on the other hand I have dd2 with a small appetite being completely put off school dinners by the 'encouragement' of the lunch staff (she was upset every day for a week during reception when she wasn't given a sticker, and is now on full time packed lunches).[I know it is just encouragement, but it can seem like pressure to a small eager to please child]

DD1 'I didn't really like the chocolate brownie, but I ate it all up and she gave me a sticker'.

Wonder how can get schools to change this? (haven't read whole thread).

pointydog · 27/09/2010 20:43

ah. It's all getting so complicated.

Booboobedoo · 27/09/2010 20:46

OP, I agree with you, but it wouldn't actually make me angry.

DS is strongly encouraged to eat everything on his plate at nursery, but at home can stop when he's full.

He's only three, but he already understands that the rules are different.

I think that long-term the eating practices at home will prove stronger than those at nursery/school.

mumbar · 27/09/2010 20:47

YABU but purely for the reason of it causing obesity.

I hate it when I cook a meal and a child eats a few mouthfuls, wants to know whats for pudding, eats a few more is full and then wants choc cake

Eating everything is not a bad thing and may be worth knowing a school hot lunch is 1/3 of the dily nutrition a child needs so finishing it is beneficial.

I would personally love to see children at school only offered fruit if they don't finish (have room). Those who do have room and finish can get the usual stog!!

Mumcentreplus · 27/09/2010 20:58

lmaoo@Scottishmummy I was replying to the OP..but yes a gold sparkly one

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