to be cross that ds got a 'star' for emptying his plate at school lunch?

[arcticwind]

not for good table manners, or maybe healty choices, or trying a new food / vegetable, but just for finishing all the food on his plate.
I thought that this insistance in emptying your plate had links to childhood obesity - children need to learn the levels of how much they feel like and not be forced to finish everything on the plate.

I am very tempted to speak to his teacher AIBU?

I am sure the primary school portions are not so massive as to cause obesity in themselves, but I do think there is a valid point that teaching children to finish everything at every meal, is also teaching them to ignore their bodies when they might be telling them they have had enough. A deeply-ingrained inability to recognise 'full' can lead to weight issues.

And it's not just about how much you put on your plate to start with. A lot of eating scenarios (e.g. most restaurants, a lot of canteens, including most school canteens BTW etc. any ready meals or pre-packaged food etc.) don't give you a choice as to how much you get, the only choice you have if you're full is to leave/waste some, and if you have been taught from a very early age that this is a Bad Thing then you are potentially in for a lifetime of overeating.

I was taught to clean my plate, but had no control over what went on it, and 30 years later still feel bad or guilty if I leave food (especially meat!) to be thrown away.

D

I was taught to finish my food and have never been bigger than a size 8!

I posted recently about DD's weight, which I am concerned about and though she is allowed to leave her meal, in fact she's allowed to not eat it at all, I serve the correct portion sizes and would want a reason why it was left.
Being full is fine, being full for two minutes and then wanting a biscuit, not so much.

YANBU, but can't imagine why it's the teacher's fault. He/ she probably doesn't have much to do with supervising lunches or lunchtime staff.

YADNBU. My parents always let us leave anything we didn't want without comment, and so did DH's. Both of us are very good at self regulating our food - we always eat whatever we like but are both slim.

A friend of mine who is very overweight comes for dinner now and then. Whatever you put on his plate he always eats it. When I've said I don't mind if he leaves it he always says "no, I always eat whatever is put on my plate, that's what I was taught". He also commented that I left stuff and said he was brought up to believe that was very rude. I said "yes, but look at the size of you. I'm sure it's connected" (he's a very longstanding childhood friend and won't get offended, BTW - I wouldn't say this to a casual aquaintance!)

He had never linked before that this part of his upbringing may have contributed to his obesity problem. He grew up in a very similar family to me, with from what I can tell, pretty similar food.

I think it's very important you don't give children the message that they should eat everything on their plates. The message should be, when you feel full, stop eating. I would be mentioning this to the school.

I think what they are doing at school (at least what they do at my dc's school) is to encourage them to try everything and eat a reasonable amount of food to give them the energy to work until 4.30 (that's when school stops here in italy).
Lots of children don't eat their lunch here, they wait for 4.30 when mamme pick them up with focacce, crisps and biscuits.

Bonsoir
If not taught though, kids at school will not eat the veg.
I know it's not good to overeat, but at least it gets veg into the kids once a day, some of who may not get them at other times.

Can't you just be pleased that he has a healthy appetite? My sister would throw a party if either of her very picky DC cleared their plates.

If this is the only bugbear you have with the school count your lucky stars and stop moaning.

We had this at nursery. I explained (nicely) that I always put plenty of food in DS's lunchbox in case he has a hungry day, but that his appetite varies and that I'm happy for him to stop eating when he's full - it's not a goal for us that he should eat everything. He's not underweight and he likes f&v.

They were fine with that, but I should think it'd take more sustained parental pressure to move attitudes in a primary school that is still (still!) stuck in such outdated practices.

YANBU.

Prozacfairy unless a parent has encountred picky eating, she has no reason to be pleased at her child's normal appetite. She has every right to take an interest in how he is being supported during mealtimes.

yanbu and I would tell school you're not happy.

I would imagine if they had a curry, kebab then a macdonalds it would be slightly alarming! Otherwise YABU

yabvu ...kids should learn that waste is bad. nothing wrong with giving a bit of encouragement here and there. school dinners' tend to be well balanced and the portions appropriate these days. If you don't like it, send your child with a pack up or stop bloody whinging.

For the love of all that is holy.

Is that all you have to complain about?

Not only are you being unreasonable you are being amazingly precious.

Yeah, go on and complain to the school. I'd love to be a fly on the wall to that conversation, cos they have nothing else to worry about. Not the league table you fussy mummies love, or the county targets they must reach....

Good grief.

If children aren't encouraged to finish their meal, they will have two mouthfuls and then run out to play!

If the lunchtime staff said 'just eat what you want' there would be LOADS of parents complaining that their child was coming home hungry.

Why not just accept that at school they prefer the children to finish their meals? No biggie.

I think yab slightly u. Just because a kid says they're full, doesn't mean they really are. My son, for example, get's full very quickly (or warns me in advance that he is not very hungry) if a meal contains things he doesn't particularly like. He then wants pudding or biscuits straight away after.

Besides, like others have said, school portions are not very big. I would rather the children were encouraged to finish their meals than waste them - I pay a fortune each month for the privilege!

You need a real problem to deal with... This would only be an issue if your ds was eating lots of unhealthy food for school lunch (unlikely given the rules these days) or had a weight problem that you were monitoring. Otherwise, agree with proudnglad take a chill pill or have a G&T

well - we've just had letters home from the Junior school informing us that many children have been spotted throwing the contents of their lunch box into the bin.

As a result no children will be allowed to empty their lunch box (even if it's just empty packets) so that parents can see how much (or not) food their child has eaten.

I for one would be delighted if they offered a star/sticker/housepoint for eating their lunch up - it might spur my own DS1 to not be one of those "chuck the lunch box contents away because they can't be arsed to sit down and eat" people.

YABU.
Its a school dinner so the portions are not going to be massive.

My own experience of children is that if left to their own devices they will eat two mouthfuls of protein, totally ignore the veg and then storm off to play. After they have scoffed the pudding.

Though I do dislike the British habit of serving up people's food on their plates at dinner party: why can't adults (and children, out of school where it may not be practicable) be allowed to help themselves. Then they could have a small helping, finish what there is and any leftovers could be kept for another day.

I do hate the way so much food goes into the bins.

I disagree with you 100%. It's important for children to eat everything on their plate (and for portions to be appropriate in size, obviously).

Children should not be allowed to dictate such things, or they will end up fussy and refusing certain food types when they are older.

I eat everything in front of me - always have, always will.

Anenome- My daughter is not a picky eater and I'm delighted when I'm told that not only has she cleared her plate at nursery but has had seconds. Ok it's teeny tiny portions but the point is she's eating what's put in front of her and it's healthy.

I honestly think obsessing about what kids eat is unhealthy for everyone. As long as a child eats a healthy balanced diet and the portion size is correct which I'm sure it is in school, what is the problem?

I am genuinely stumped as to why anyone would get their knickers in a twist over something so minor as this.

prozacfairy - because they have too much time on their hands and are high-maintenance/fussy individuals (see my earlier comment).

This is probably a kindly welfare officer or dinner lady doig their best to motivate children to eat well. Do you really think that this is going to have a long term impact on your child's eating habits? Let it be, honestly, schools have enough to think about if this isn't an issue for your child...presuming he isn't overweight or very greedy already.

"My own experience of children is that if left to their own devices they will eat two mouthfuls of protein, totally ignore the veg and then storm off to play. After they have scoffed the pudding."

Sorry but so what? Making a big deal of this kind of thing is how eating disorders and food hangups are made. I never ate veg as a child. I hated it and was never made even to try it. Now I pile my plate high with veg, it's my favourite thing. DD1 is the same. Her motto was always "if it's green, it's poisonous" but in the last year or two the veg has started to be eaten. It always goes on their plates without comment as to what they do with it.

Also, I don't agree with those who say "I provide appropriate portions so they should eat it".

How do you know what an appropriate portion is? A child's appetite can and in fact should vary according to the weather, the level of exercise they've had that day, how sleepy they are, what foodstuff their body needs - a hundred things. I really object to adults saying "This is the right portion for you, so eat it". How do you know? My DD2 in particular eats like an absolute horse some days and pecks like a sparrow on others. She is incredibly healthy and is growing up knowing what being hungry and being full up feels like, knowing when she needs protein and when she needs carbs. It's a big mistake to try and regulate these things for them - because one day they will be adults and otherwise will never have learnt. So many adults just eat without thought as to what their body is telling them - that's why they have weight and health problems.

If they chuck out the contents of their lunchboxes, just give them less tomorrow. As long as they aren't allowed to substitute with biscuits when they get home, they will soon discover for themselves that they need some lunch inside them.

People get way too hung up on controlling children when it comes to food.