I really need to get this off my chest as I haven't been able to talk about this to anyone but my sister and I really need to try and get my head around this. Basically earlier this year my P agreed that we would try for a baby this september. Thene during the summer he changed his mind wanting to wait utnil next septemb her. I am 38 and we have an 18month old girl now. For many many emotional, practical, financial, career-based reasons I desperately want to start trying now. We have talked long and hard, done research into fertility and ageing, talked to doctors etc and he said he was nearly 100% sure he didn't want to try now but he would still think about it.
Anyway the other day we were having very intimate sex, and he hadn't put a condom (our normal contraception) on. I reminded him to put one on, but he just looked into my eyes and smiled and carried on, I asked again was he sure, same thing. So I thought my god he's changed his mind, fantastic, esp as I am at right time in cycle etc, and he knows that too. Then at the crucial moment he pulled out. I was so shocked and upset that went into a kind of daze and just walked out of the room in tears, needless to say. When I came back in, still in tears, he was really angry, and basically acting like a complete prick that night and following day.
A couple of days later he apologised but can't/won't tell me why he did it. I've explained how it made me feel, but even though he has acknowledged how insensitive it was of him, i still have so much resentment against him because of it. I feel utterly belittled and completely violated in every way, the thought of having sex with him again makes me feel sick. He won't talk about it any more as he says he's apologised and I should just leave it.
I'd love to get some thougths, opinions, reactions to this to try and work my way through it.