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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that you should not moan if you are not entitled to a £500 pregnancy grant from the government.

59 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 22/09/2010 15:48

my db's sil is pg with her 3rd. she is 19 and living with her husband in a nice village. he works full time, she never has. she has been moaning about how unfair it is that she cant get a £500 maternity grant because her husband earns too much.

now, surely the grants are there to help people on very low incomes? things are pretty shit at the moment and will get tougher, especially for the poor. if you earn too much to receive the grant, then you dont need it, surely? im happy to be explained to why i am wrong here, but they decided to have 3dc's under 4. they are not living in poverty, his job pays well.

and dont get me started on the benefit claimants living in the lap of luxury comments....

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 22/09/2010 15:52

I'm afraid I'm going to poke the anthill here Lissie, and say I don't believe that anyone should get £500 from the government for baby equipment no matter how hard up they are.

If things are tight and I know a fair few families where it is very tight despite both adults working, then you can get very good stuff second hand which in no way amounts to even half that cost.

Chil1234 · 22/09/2010 15:52

Moaning that you earn too much is definitely bad form. Then again, she is a teen still and moaning rather goes with the territory. She'll get past her disappointment, I'm sure.

Emo76 · 22/09/2010 15:53

Depends how much it has been rubbed in her face - people with no income or jobs at all can get it as well as a very low income and maybe she finds that galling. Still, no amount of moaning will get her it so YANBU her energies would be better spent elsewhere.

booyhoo · 22/09/2010 15:56

she is BU. she can't get it for a reason- she doesn't need it!!! if her husband's salary doesn't stretch to baby stuff then they should budget better.

i also agree with secretnutellafan. no-one should get it.

nickelbabe · 22/09/2010 15:56

agree with Secret Nutella - if you can't afford equipment, buy it second-hand or borrow it from people

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 22/09/2010 15:58

i just find her v frustrating (although thats an age thing) she has been actively trying for dc3 so if they couldnt afford another, maybe they should have held off til the oldest was.. i dont know... 5!

but i am v bitter so its hard for me to be objective about these things...

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 22/09/2010 15:59

YANBU but she's 19 - not to make excuses but god I was unbearable at that age.

SecretNutellaFix · 22/09/2010 16:05

I remember seeing on TV as part of a documentary a good couple of years ago, a country where every single expectant mother got from the government a parcel of basic stuff for their baby. I think it was finland?

Everyone got the same quality, same amount and no one was better than anyone else and it meant that every child was considered equal from birth.

Lissie- you aren't bitter about most things and I do understand why she frustrates you.

missnevermind · 22/09/2010 16:07

We didnt use the £500 for baby equipment, DS is a second hand Charlie all the way.
We used it to pay the mortgage the month he was born so that Dh could spend some time with us as not entitled to paternity leave.

Hermya321 · 22/09/2010 16:13

YANBU, if her husband earns enough then she doesn't need it.

You don't have to spend much to kit a baby out these days, ebay and freecycle have been godsends with us.

Filibear · 22/09/2010 16:15

This reply has been deleted

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laweaselmys · 22/09/2010 16:16

I thought this grant had been canned anyway? So now nobody gets it...

I missed out on it's introduction by a week when we were a low income family and survived just fine.

If it's her 3rd what will she spend it on anyway?

FluffyDonkey · 22/09/2010 16:20

Surely with a (planned) third she already has all the major bits and bobs anyway?

YABU BTW

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 22/09/2010 16:21

she also has one of each, so shouldnt need anything special

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 22/09/2010 16:26

Should only be given to the first child IMHO.

Would be better given as vouchers for mothercare/asda etc to spend on baby items.

MoonUnitAlpha · 22/09/2010 16:28

I'm entitled to it but we won't be spending it on baby stuff anyway (got very little and all second hand). I need it to pay the council tax.

Sidge · 22/09/2010 16:29

I don't think anyone should get it to be honest.

Or that 190 quid Health in Pregnancy grant either.

Appletrees · 22/09/2010 16:32

third child at 19?

darcymum · 22/09/2010 16:33

She is 19 and married with (almost) three children already Shock

booyhoo · 22/09/2010 16:39

what is the problem with being a married mum of 3 at 19?

darcymum · 22/09/2010 16:48

Its so young, how did she squeeze them all in?

booyhoo · 22/09/2010 16:50

well, i guess if you start at 16 when you can legally get married then that is roughly a year between the or maybe a set of twins.

Original poster
OracleInaCoracle · 22/09/2010 16:51

she had 1 at 16, the second at 17 had a mc last year and is 20w pg with the 3rd now. they got married last year. i have no issue with her parenting. she is a good mum and loves her kids and dh, i said her age because she is immature.

OP posts:
notso · 22/09/2010 17:03

Depends why she's moaning, I moaned when I had DD (at 19) that I couldn't claim the £500 because we were told about it two weeks too late to claim it, and I moaned when we had DS that DH's wage was about £600 too much to claim it. It was a pain the money would have been useful because we were pretty poor at the time.

GeekOfTheWeek · 22/09/2010 17:13

Nobody should get it imo.

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